Quick reminder that ADHD manifests differently in every single person and there is no standard way to be. It’s like a fingerprint. We all have them, nobody’s are there same.

Also everything you do isn’t because of ADHD. You’re also a person with a personality and quirks.

Sometimes we look to credit ADHD for shit that is just us because we want to explain away shit about us that people give us a hard time about. Tell them folks to mind their fucking business for once and be who you are without having to justify it.

and I get it because we take in SO. MUCH. CRITICISM. The need approval is real, I’m not discounting it.

BUT.

If you’re always waiting on approval you will always look to others to sign off on who you are. YOU are the person whose opinion of you matters. Theirs is secondary.

Seriously. If you are waiting on acceptance from a wide range before you can be happy, you’re going to be waiting a long time. Get you 1-3 people who support you unconditionally and get about the business of finding out what brings you joy.

When you do that, watch out! Your relationship with a lot of people is going to change when you’re no longer dancing for the scraps of approval they dole out to you.

But you won’t be trapped by them anymore. It is a painful way, but there’s freedom at the end of the path.

I was SHOCKED to learn how many people liked me better when I was scattered, traumatized, and broken. It gave them someone to look down on/feel sorry for/condescend to. There are people who like you better broken because it works for them. They don’t want you to change.

I’m sure you’re wondering how I know they liked me better pre healing journey.

Well, they showed me in the way they would knock my efforts or try to sabotage me. People will always show us who they really are eventually if we’re not married to our idea of who we THINK they are.

I said all that to say sometimes it isn’t the ADHD. It’s that they’re fucked up and don’t like you for real and the ADHD symptoms are a handy excuse. Stop trying to justify who you are for people who refuse to like you as is.

My best friend of 18 years taught me this. She knew me before I knew I had ADHD and she accepted me as is. When I started judging my other relationships by that level of acceptance, I realized how much effort I was putting into just trying to be liked by people I didn’t like.

And to be clear, I didn’t like them because I was exhausted by the constant need to appease them. People who don’t like you expect a lot from you because they think they’re doing you a favor by being friends with you.

Find people who like you.

You will know that they like you because they will not judge you. They will not offer you constant unsolicited critiques. They will not give you pointers for “improvements” in areas you’re not interested in improving.

They’ll just enjoy you for who you are.

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