bsd spoilers
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
dazai is my biggest comfort character yes but i’ll never forgive him for discarding akutagawa????? like aku has never stopped in trying to impress dazai and you see how much it hurt him for dazai to just pick atsushi randomly? +

he has so much potential, he’s incredibly strong but just because of dazai calling him a useless subordinate and throwing him away he’s dedicating all his fights to being strong for dazai???? i litrally want him to be happier than this i want him to feel like he’s enough +

and live to his own standards, and not dazais?.!:!;£383 it really hurts when akutagawa talks about dazai because you know how much he struggles to become “stronger” even though he’s already so strong. dazai is my kinnie but i the fact that he did that makes me want to scream grrr

+ the fact that at the end of s2 where both atsushi and dazai told him that dazai actually acknowledged him meant so much to him, but you still see him being emo in the manga and it’s starting to make me feel like he’s never going to believe that he wasn’t “useless” +

and doubt everything,, even after dazai told him himself that he was proud and i feel like that’s really limiting him on his ability to feel proud of himself and use his ability to full potential he tried so hard to be the best subordinate and i know how much it pained hi +

m to be one, all those moments of struggling and being abused by dazai only to have you feeling discarded then seeing him pick out a new subordinate and being proud of that certain subordinate right off the bat without having to earn dazais praise.

akutagawa’s pain hurts me so much in many more ways than 1 and honestly i just want to see him smiling because he knows his worth. i love this man with my whole heart but i don’t want to hear dazai san this dazai san that i want him to build up his own strength as his own self

end of thread i’m so emo rn