probably deleting this in a bit but fuck it i need to vent

sometimes i find it impossible to reconcile myself. how the fuck do i do any of this. my identity is built on self contradiction but how do i even fucking do any of this

like i want a democratic socialist america where large corporations are broken up, with racial sexual and gender equality as well as the death of the MIC and an end to the Middle East and i am willing to fight for that but at the same time my identity complicates it all

i agree with the freeassange people as well as pardoning snowden but at the same time there's so many anti imperialists that truthfully believe Taiwan is a part of China and that the protests were nothing more than CIA funded riots based on white supremacy

and I don't want to fucking embolden them or give them any more power in any political institution because they scare me with that. I want a free Palestine, I want a demsoc world, I want demilitarisation and the end of American intervention in the ME

but some vocal people who support that would bury everything I've been working and will work for with Hong Kong. and i just fucking cannot bear to see that happening. when the Bernie tankies came out of the woodwork after Super Tuesday I was terrified.

sure Bernie said he would defend Taiwan from the PRC but what about the others? Some in the anti war anti imperialist left would do nothing and rather all 24 million people and so many indigenous cultures be suppressed.

and I don't even want to fucking think about what choices i might have to make because of this. On one hand I fiercely believe in DemSoc ideals, on the other hand I just want to go back to a free HK one day and some leftists want nothing more than to stop that

do i fight for indigenous rights and demilitarisation or do i put HK and Taiwan first at all costs, domestic policy be damned. because i know the PRC will come for Taiwan and i cannot allow the anti war left to get in the way of intervention

I hope i never have to make that fucking choice because it would genuinely break me. Seeing how heartless some leftists were towards HK and Taiwan have caused a moral crisis when it seems like Biden might actually lay down something to defend them and I get tempted

idk what im even saying but it's just that I hope the day never comes when I have to choose between fighting for DemSoc or saving Taiwan, Tibet, and the Uyghurs while having a chance to finally, maybe fucking go back to Hong Kong and celebrate under the pot bottom

how fucking much will i have to sacrifice to free Hong Kong and am i willing to betray some of my ideals for a chance to go back home and see my friends again? walk by victoria harbour? to bring to justice the HKPF with the barrel of the Seventh Fleet? I don't fucking know.

and that moral dilemma genuinely scares me. because i know we're running out of time for the climate, for racial justice, for the Uyghurs, for Tibet, for a free Hong Kong and the final test of Taiwanese independence.

because if the USA is the one thing that can save Taiwan and let me go back to the city that I love again then it cannot fall. not until the PRC does.

//end thread