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Been thinking about my old friend group tonight. My feelings about leaving them I've always implied to my current friends with shit like "I'm so glad I left them especially now". I think the friends I'm out to get why but I just wanna write my thoughts.(idk how long this will be)
I've known these people since I was like 10 so it made sense to keep talking to them. But I think at some point there was a time where I was trapped by these people. Scared to move on. Some times our relationship became outright abusive driving me to tears. I still never left -
- tho. I was scared no one else would have the same interests. So I kept leaving the server we were in everytime I thought I'd had enough. But I kept going back out of fear and the fact I still saw these people at school. I was trapped so hard in this loop it became a running -
- joke with them. And now knowing I'm trans leaving them was the best thing I could've done cause they would've never accepted me. I remember hearing transphobic shit from them all the time. I got so lucky finding my current friends and my destiny clan.
If I hadn't found these people I'd still be stuck in this abusive loop and probably hate/doubt myself even more. And so if any of my current friends find this account after I come out I just wanna say one thing.
Even if I may not show it 100% of the time or even 50% of the time. I don't know what I would've done without yall. And even though I ain't out to you all yet I'm sure you'll be there for me.
Tbh I think there's a side of me that wants to forgive my old friends. Some of them I don't blame. But a lot of em don't deserve it. And I think I would rather just forget them but they were the reason I met some of my current friends and started destiny.
This thread was probably a good thing for me to write cause I've never actually sat down and said about them so I think this is good for me. I've only ever implied my feelings towards them and I think that's cause I was scared to label the way they treated me as abuse -
- cause it was never too bad I don't think. But looking back. No friends should cause the amount of pain some of then caused. We had our good times yeah. But for me the bad times speak louder. And I think part of me still considered them my friends which is why I never wanted -