I’ve been in a really agitated mood all day for no reason.

It’s been really hard to really not get agitated at every little thing even though I know its all not important; I have no valid reason to be upset at the little things.

Its so easy to get consumed in yourself, but...

I think today was a good wake up call. Inconvenience after inconvenience, I kept getting more agitated, and I couldn’t understand why.

Im reflecting on my day and Im thinking the mentality Im used to is still wanting everything to go my way and go smoothly, and when it doesn’t

I get upset. There was a lot of ego involved in how I felt today.

I wanted things to go MY way
I want this
Im not getting this
This isn’t going my way

And I was just getting more and more agitated when I didnt get what I want

But what changed my perspective on my day was seeing two homeless people on the subway, who are in worse condition than me, haven’t showered, haven’t eaten, have no home, have no money, and are at rock bottom.

It made me really think.

Now I see homeless people everyday on the train and in a way you get desensitized to it in New York, which isn’t healthy.

But today I didnt have much to give, because I didnt have cash, but I gave this man some chips I didnt eat, and he was really grateful.

It probably meant the world to him to know someone cared enough to give him food and to actually have something to eat.

And then there was this other woman, who was homeless and got on the train. I didn’t have any money to give her or food but my mom did

And she gave her $10. And that woman was so appreciative because she said

“i take this train from times square to the bronx and Ill be lucky if I get anything so thank you”

I could see the appreciation in her eyes and it made me think about myself.

Why am I complaining so much about these minor inconveniences when there are people who are struggling with a lot worse conditions than me; they probably wish they could live my life, and Im taking my life for granted because Im not getting more.

I decided to give what I could and help out in the way I can because I was “so consumed with how much I get” (Frozen, Madonna) and I was only thinking about me and not being selfless enough or allowing myself to have compassion for others; I was “frozen, when your hearts not open

I needed to do something that didn’t benefit me in any way, but helped someone else, & made someone else’s day happy, while I was upset over the day was going, & I think thats the antidote to frustration.

When you cant get what you want and nothing goes your way, give to others.

I take for granted that I have a home. I have money. I have food. I have a phone. I have technology. I can shower. I can enjoy the luxury of the beach. I can enjoy the luxury of shoes— the luxury of clothes. The luxury of being able to live in NYC.

Granted my situation isn’t perfect and Im going through a lot of abuse and trauma from my family and working through it, but I still have to be grateful for where I’m at right now.

And I think I found the answer in writing this thread on why I had a bad day:

I was ungrateful

Today was a reality check for me, and I definitely know I needed it, and I think the message I got from the Universe was well received, understood, and will continue to digest after publishing this.

Im just thinking outloud, but I felt compelled to publicly share this