fic where xz and wyb naturally drift apart post-cql because of their busy schedules but are still friendly enough online & when they see each other briefly in passing at the odd festival over the years, and even though wyb gets wistful sometimes he thinks everything is fine

except the next time they spend more than ten mins with each other in close quarters - backstage during a year-end music show in which their dressing rooms are next to each other - wyb is horrified to find that xz has, it seems, sold his soul "so he doesn't have to feel anymore"

wyb keeps trying to goad a stronger reaction out of xz - one of his uncontrollable high-pitched giggles, or at least a slap - but xz just smiles a smile that doesn't reach his eyes and folds his hands serenely in his lap. his face looks like it's carved out of marble.

"i don't know why you look so worried," the thing wearing xz's skin says, blandly polite. "it's great. i don't feel tired anymore, or angry at haters, or fearful that the stalker fans are going to break into my house or bug my car. everything slides off me like water."

"yeah," wyb says, heart pounding in his throat. "that's because you don't feel anything at all."

"didn't you write a song about that?" xz inquires, still so polite, and wyb wants to break something with his bare hands just to cut through the tight dread wadded up in his chest.

but it wouldn't help - even if he threw a bottle of chanel perfume at xz's head right now, all xz would do is keep smiling that terrible, unreal smile. it's awful. he doesn't know who let this happen, but he's not going to just allow things to stay as they are

zhan-ge doesn't seem to think he needs help right now, but he doesn't seem to think he needs anything right now; his judgment is obviously compromised. and so wyb embarks on a hero's quest to find xz's soul and restore it to his body

idk the details of how the actual quest goes, but probably at some point wyb has to venture down into the underworld - he's battled loads of monsters in his dramas but he has never in his life been this genuinely determined about it

the stakes! they're high!

and when he finally starts piecing together the straggled pieces of xz's soul, he def realizes that part of the reason xz sold it in the first place was so he wouldn't be so preoccupied with how much he wanted wyb

"not feeling" also includes things like "inconvenient love"

of course now wyb is even more furious at xz for doing this - and he doesn't know if he even wants to keep pushing forward, let alone give the soul back. clearly xz can't be trusted to take care of it himself if he'd given it away so freely in the first place

but bc wyb is wyb he sees the job through, finds the last fragments of xz's soul and then just - keeps it with him for a while, tucks it away in the space above his heart. it's soft and glows and feels sort of like one of those hand warmers, the kind you shake until they heat up

he doesn't know when he'll see xz next anyway, so he just carries it everywhere. better than leaving it at home - wyb still worries that even though he jumped through all the hoops and won xz's soul back fair and square, the underworld might come calling and take it again

plus, it feels nice. it makes him less angry with xz. every time wyb had collected another piece of xz's soul he'd felt a little bit of what xz felt during that year after cql aired, and with some time and distance he understands better why xz did what he did

wyb feels like that sometimes too - everything happening too much, frustration at sasaengs and antis and the inability to go outside without an entire entourage and a mask - and usually he just buries himself in more work, which isn't exactly healthy either

with xz's soul tucked close, wyb gets snatches of feeling now too, wispy and fleeting. hunger for spicier food, thirst despite hydration, yearning for touch. one night, wyb has a dream of the two of them moving against each other and has to jerk himself off in the morning

the next time they see each other is at yet another music festival. wyb pulls xz aside backstage and draws xz's soul out of his chest. it beats in his palm, glowing faintly, and xz's eyes widen as he realizes what it is.

"you can do whatever you want with it," wyb says, grabbing one of xz's hands and pouring it over. "but i got it back for you, in case you've changed your mind."

he turns on his heel, half wanting to stay and see what happens next, half not. "wait," he hears xz say, and he looks over his shoulder in time to see xz bite his lip and press the soul straight over his heart.

it disappears. xz staggers, struggling to inhale, face twisting into a wince. wyb zips closer to catch him, as natural as breathing, and helps him sit down in a nearby chair. he stays standing, watching xz take deep, gulping breaths. "how do you feel?" he asks, cautious.

"terrible," xz says, but he's slowly gaining some color back in his skin, and his eyes are brighter than they've looked in - well, since as far back as wyb can remember. "yibo," he continues, gaze sharpening. "you shouldn't have--"

"don't even start," wyb interrupts, waving an irritable hand. "you clearly weren't in your right mind, so of course i had to. what the fuck were you thinking? seriously, i can't believe you thought it would be a good idea to--"

"yibo," xz tries again.

"--give your soul away instead of, i don't know, talking to your friends about it like a normal person, or at least seeing a therapist about your issues. if you're stressed you should stop--"

"yibo. hey." there's a smile on xz's face, small but real, which is ridiculous. doesn't xz remember how to act when he's being rightfully scolded? xz opens his mouth again and says, "i love you."

yibo swallows, throat tight, momentarily stunned. it's not like he didn't know, but he didn't think xz would say it out loud so brazenly. "i know," he says, after a brief pause. "i could feel it."

"and you went all the way down into the underworld to get my soul back for me," xz says thoughtfully, "which means..."

"i love you too, but i'm also still pissed the fuck off," wyb snaps, crossing his arms over his chest.

"that's okay," xz says, eminently reasonable. "i did a very stupid thing."

"stop agreeing with me," wyb says, trying and failing not to sound too whiny. "this is supposed to be a fight."

xz giggles. it's the best thing wyb has heard in months. "i don't want to fight you," xz says, and he sways a little as he rises back onto his feet, smiles wider when wyb reaches out automatically to steady him. "if you'll let me, i'd really like to kiss you."

they shouldn't. they're backstage at a music festival and xz's just gotten his soul back and they could be called to get trussed up with wireless microphones and in-ears at any moment. wyb is still pretty angry and they have a lot of things to talk about after this.

but his own heart is slamming against his rib cage and xz is so close and smiling in such an achingly familiar way that wyb can't help stepping closer, into the warm circle of xz's arms. who knows when he'll get this opportunity again? "this isn't over," he mutters.

"i hope not," xz says, fervent, and bends his head down to press their mouths together.

AND THAT'S ALL SHE WROTE. the title of this story is probably "no feeling is final," thanks rilke!!!