tw: self-hatred vent later on in thread

Any other white people get extremely depressed over not having a culture? How do you cope with it?

We were obsessed with two other cultures when we were a kid, before we were made aware of appropriation. We didn't know it was wrong, we just really fell in love with the cultures. Once we stopped engaging with those cultures,

we realized that white people don't have one. At least, not in the US. We latched onto British culture for a while, but then heard Brits expressing that they hated when Americans tried to identify with them. "Why can't they just have pride in being an American?"

We have British and Irish lineage. But we've never been there, and the last several generations have been American. Our closest European ancestors are great great grandparents, I believe. So we can't claim that, even though we're white.

We have three different native tribes in our lineage, too. But they're great grandparents. Everyone past them in the family tree is...white. We can't claim that, either.

I know it's not a big deal; there's a lot worse that could happen to us than not having a culture or community. But it still hurts. Like hell. We're so happy when we see other races and cultures living their best lives together and celebrating themselves. But it hurts, too.

And then you go and add the extra flavor of me (the person typing this) being the only headmate in this white body that is not white. I hate it. I didn't choose to look this way. I feel like my existence is offensive. I rarely front. I'm always depressed. I hate myself.

I know the only answer is to suck it up and move on. Having a culture is not part of our life, and it never will be. It's just really depressing.