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my experience with @xZapOfficial and why it was one of the most harmful and miserable times of my life! an expose thread
all of this dates back to about a year ago. ive mentioned it on my acc back in october of last year but i stayed hush about this for the most part to keep my page positive and drama free for the most part. ive spoken to a handful of people who i knew were staff -
on ryans server at the time all of this occurred and from what ive been told, things have only gotten worse which is why im choosing to do this. otherwise i wouldnt have mentioned it to anyone other than the people who already knew what happened
tw for transphobia, sexually harassment, as well as trump supporter? idk but do just read all of this w caution if any of it may trigger you. 
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🥺" title="Pleading face" aria-label="Emoji: Pleading face"> anyway. our story begins july 21, 2019. im a moderator on another youtubers server and ryan (xzap) starts talking to me -
on that server. everything starts out super casual. he seemed like a sweet guy. we dmed and literally the same day we met he wants to date. nothing serious happened from there. the next day or so he was like yeah sorry abt that im desperate. i moved on. all was well lol
unfortunately, i dont have ss of that since hes so kindly deleted every message he sent in our discord dms BUT we moved on from all of that and we were friends i guess. i became a moderator on his discord server. all was great for awhile.
during the first few days of us being “friends” we were obviously trying to get to know each other. he so kindly told me that he was a trump supporter, and christian. im not gonna discriminate but when im an atheist lesbian at that time i was a lil thrown off
as i said he deleted all discord dms but i did manage to find a ss from the server we had originally met in pretty much proving hes a trump supporter. i
ANYWAY obviously what the point of this thread wasnt to ramble about a random trump supporter. so heres the bulk of what went down w us. tw for sexual harassment as well as mental health !!
on ryans discord server, there was a mod named kicker. he and i became friends pretty quickly. at this time things at home were at an all time low and i was extremely vulnerable and kicker became a really close friend. i would turn to him to rant or wtvr
he would call me nicknames like “sexy ass” and ask inappropriate questions ss attached is pretty much what he would say to me. and i was extremely uncomfy. i have a past of this and i dont have the emotional willpower to shut it down on the spot. which is why things -
got so out of hand with kicker. i brought this up to ryan originally and he pretty much blew it off. i had to dm all of his staff team and send them ss of everything in order for anything to be done. ryan didnt want to demote kicker as he was one of his og -
staff members. he excused the fact that i got sexually harassed for months by his senior moderator bc kicker had been w him for so long. anyway. i was mad and blew things out of proportion lol but i got banned from ryans discord server ! big surprise. -
however. after the fact! i checked on an alt account and everything i saw in the chat was really disgusting. i had just recently come out as trans. before all of this went down. and this is basically how that all went
i still used my deadname which is why they refer to me as mack. but that was extremely disgusting and super harmful to myself. thats about it though. ive gotten nothing from ryan since all of this went down. and im left very hurt from everything still
if u read this far. thanks i guess lol im sorry for how messy this was and for the lack of ss n everything but i worked w what i could i guess. if u have any questions regarding this my dms are open https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="💖" title="Funkelndes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Funkelndes Herz">
