an alternative thread on things i noticed at a bmi of 16.5
1. my hair fell out. so much of it. you can& #39;t believe how horrible it is until you live through it. i already felt the ugliest i& #39;ve ever been and my hair falling out made it ten times worse.
2. i didn& #39;t become prettier. i was sickly and i didn& #39;t have the energy or self-esteem to dress up or wear makeup. i couldn& #39;t do my hair because brushing it made it fall out even more.
3. the day before my doctor& #39;s appointment i was sitting by my scale having a panic attack because i didn& #39;t have enough weights to hide in my pockets. i tied an actual stapler to the inside of my leg and my weight still made her really suspicious.
3. i skipped so many extracurricular meetings and social gatherings because i didn& #39;t want to faint or get sick while i was there. i missed out on so many memories.
4. i was constantly thinking about food. nothing else. it was always about my next meal. i couldn& #39;t focus on academics or the things i loved.
5. i had debilitating headaches because i cried so much yet was so afraid of water that i would literally go days without drinking it.
6. my parents were visibly hurt when i stopped eating dinner with them or going with them to get food, since it was a big part of culture/family life.
7. i couldn& #39;t stand up without seeing stars. i fell down the stairs regularly and was constantly bruised because i& #39;d get so dizzy that i& #39;d fall anywhere.
8. my relationship was ruined. my boyfriend and i broke up because of my eating disorder.
my classmates, teachers, parents, and friends were all severely concerned. i lied through my teeth to all of them but i could hear the way they talked about me: like i was "damaged". it didn& #39;t feel good. it felt horrible.
10. eating or drinking even the tiniest bit made me bloat so painfully that i couldn& #39;t breathe. i became incredibly nauseous even after a sip of water.