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an alternative thread on things i noticed at a bmi of 16.5
1. my hair fell out. so much of it. you can't believe how horrible it is until you live through it. i already felt the ugliest i've ever been and my hair falling out made it ten times worse.
2. i didn't become prettier. i was sickly and i didn't have the energy or self-esteem to dress up or wear makeup. i couldn't do my hair because brushing it made it fall out even more.
3. the day before my doctor's appointment i was sitting by my scale having a panic attack because i didn't have enough weights to hide in my pockets. i tied an actual stapler to the inside of my leg and my weight still made her really suspicious.
3. i skipped so many extracurricular meetings and social gatherings because i didn't want to faint or get sick while i was there. i missed out on so many memories.
4. i was constantly thinking about food. nothing else. it was always about my next meal. i couldn't focus on academics or the things i loved.
5. i had debilitating headaches because i cried so much yet was so afraid of water that i would literally go days without drinking it.
6. my parents were visibly hurt when i stopped eating dinner with them or going with them to get food, since it was a big part of culture/family life.
7. i couldn't stand up without seeing stars. i fell down the stairs regularly and was constantly bruised because i'd get so dizzy that i'd fall anywhere.
8. my relationship was ruined. my boyfriend and i broke up because of my eating disorder.
my classmates, teachers, parents, and friends were all severely concerned. i lied through my teeth to all of them but i could hear the way they talked about me: like i was "damaged". it didn't feel good. it felt horrible.
10. eating or drinking even the tiniest bit made me bloat so painfully that i couldn't breathe. i became incredibly nauseous even after a sip of water.
being unhealthily skinny doesn't make you prettier or happier. this disorder doesn't work like that. you'll never be satisfied. it will take, and take, and take until you have nothing left. please be careful.
