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Things i noticed at my lw (bmi 13.2)
I just didnt care anymore. I didnt care if i lived or died i was DONE
I was at peace with just drifting off to sleep and dying as a teenager but sometimes i couldnt fall asleep because i was so scared
I still saw every little imperfection where i thought i could lose more and more weight. Other then body image i didnt focus on much & my memories are hazy. I had to stop school and fell behind bc i was a liability to have in the building in case i dropped dead.
How much i was hurting my family but still couldnt stop
I was so cold and weak and tired but still restricting. You cant stop. I couldnt have chosen to recover at that point because i was sick of being sick but so sick that i was incapable of wanting to get better. This is why forced treatment is so hard but lifesaving &nessecary
I had muscle wastage. Thats when your body eats your muscle. My bladder was very poorly affected and still is. Its not going to kill me but do you know how embarrassing to accidentally piss everywhere because at that point i didnt have enough muscle tone2hold my pee in overnight?
I was a robot on auto pilot and everything took my energy out. Showering was my enemy because i was soooo cold. Id get out of the shower and shiver like a purple baby left in the snow all wet.
Heart palpitations. Chest pain. I never got refeeding syndrome but it could have happened. My hr dropped so low when i slept it could have just not gone one more beat. So many things like organ failure could have happened but i got lucky. Others dont.
I never fainted in my entire life but i was so dizzy and had such spotty vision at the time
My ears would ring and sometimes my hearing still goes staticky almost like im underwater
Still never got my period period not that i was ever 100% behavior free&fully recovered but i imagine something has2be messed up badly at this point. I didnt get a period prior either bc my ed started young &i stunted my puberty. So that puts me at serious risk 4 osteoporosis
Low is never low enough id tell myself id eat and then just freak out & purge. And bc i was purging i would binge because why not if im going2purge anyways. B/p-ing constantly at such a low bmi is was so dangerous for my electrolytes&weak heart. Id go purple&shiver after purging
My ocd complusions were insane my eating rituals were off the wall i kept on making more and more rules for myself as my feers continued to intensify
I was miserable&i dont like reflecting back on my pain. This thread more then anything is a reminder4myself that no matter what i. ME. The person. Doesnt ever want2get back to that point. Other wise my brain forgets & blocks out the bad. Making it its so temting2lose more & more
I was insane. I was going insane. I have a psychiatric disorder that had me pulled away from family physically and mentally. Not some cutesy weight loss thing
I had no fat in my face. As a teen i had frown lines and looked like a grandma. They are called nasolabial folds. My hair was and still is so incredibly thin. I dont wear it down because i feel like a 50 tear old lady i dont have glorious luscious hair.
My feet suffered. My toenails didnt grow right and are still messed up. I had joint pain like you wouldn& #39;t believe. My hips were the worst and still act up.
I made the craziest food combos and now cant stand the taste of certain foods. My butt was so boney that it hurt to sit and i had a pressure sore yes on my butt you are welcome for the tmi which made it worse
I would hoard food just to look at it i was consumed by food despite my feers. Id buy things and procrastinate eating them. I was so unstable and sensitive any little thing you said to me i would burst out intl tears
