Hey y& #39;all who are parents, particularly cishet ones, I& #39;m gonna make some suggestions about what you do when your kid comes out to you.

Yeah I said when. It might not be about gender / sexuality, but eventually your kid is gonna tell you something themselves you don& #39;t expect.
First, I know you& #39;re a good person who wants to affirm and support your child, right? You understand you don& #39;t and shouldn& #39;t control them, that they are who they are and they figure out how to live in the world.

If that& #39;s not true just go away please, I& #39;m not talking to you.
So! Folks, don& #39;t diminish the moment by downplaying it. Yeah, it& #39;s fun to say "okay, now mow the lawn," it& #39;s a good "look how accepting I am" joke. But no matter what, even if you& #39;re an awesome loud outspoken ally, your kid is still Going Through Something.
Identity formation is work! Saying a thing out loud to someone who matters to you makes it much more real, too. If you aren& #39;t sure of their response, it all adds up to something pretty scary, and big, and just... Momentous.
So. When your kid comes out to you:

Honor the moment.

Recognize that it matters.
Affirm their identity.
Offer support, embody love.
Honor the moment:

"Thank you for telling me this, sweetie. It means a lot to me that you want to and know you can."

Many kids can& #39;t have this conversation with their parents. Yours knows that. They& #39;ve made a choice.
Recognize that it matters:

It& #39;s tempting to say "it doesn& #39;t matter to me, you& #39;re still you," but who we are matters to *us* and the world. Try "I love knowing who you are."
Affirm their identity:

Even if you have doubts or don& #39;t understand! It& #39;s more important to respect their self-determination than agree with it.

"This is new to me, but I believe you, I& #39;m gonna do some reading" is affirming. So is "Did you know Aunt Jane is gay too?"
Offer support:

Sometimes they don& #39;t need it, but the world can be hard for us. There are a ton of ways to indicate support. I like "anyone gives you shit, I got you, okay?" quite a bit.

"I& #39;m in your corner, kid. You got this. I& #39;ll help."
Embody love:

With words or without them, land on love. It& #39;s so simple and so important.

"I love you so much, and I always will."
It& #39;s not always fraught. Sometimes this conversation is a celebration. Often, even! But all these pieces still matter.

Also, this is what I do with folks - not always young, not always my kids - who come out to me. They know I& #39;m safe to talk to. This is still how it goes.
Hopefully this helps so when your kid comes to you with "I need to tell you something and I& #39;m not sure how you& #39;re going to feel about it," you& #39;ll be ready.

Honor. Affirm. Support. Love.
You can follow @evantessuraea.
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