I’ve been thinking it over, and I think I could beat up John Cena.

See, I think he wouldn’t;t be expecting it from me, he’s just think, “oh, here’s a nice lady, probably she wants my autograph,” and that’s when I would drop the hammer.

It’s the surprise that would give me a window.

And before any weird rumors start up, I have no beef with Mr. Cena. It’s not about that.

We have kind of a funny relationship where I think of him as a good friend, someone I can really turn to and talk to, and he thinks of me as someone he doesn’t know exists.

See, when he is reaching for a pen, that’s when I punch him with my ineffective right cross, followed by the closer, a vicious left that misses his huge head somehow entirely and bounces off his shoulder like the wafting of a gentle breeze.

But that’s just the START.

Then, I’d just kick his ass in a manner that I am certain will come to me in the moment but that I cannot articulate right now.

Victory: Simone.

“Hey, look at my fists, JC,” I would say. “I call the left one the PEACEMAKER and the right one whatever the name of that fireman movie you made was.”

And while he is reeling from that zinger, I put the boot in.

Reading some of these responses, I feel like a lot of you are not supportive of my dreams.

Also, if Mr. Big Time Scary Professional Wrestler isn’t scared of me, why hasn’t he responded to my challenge yet?

I call you COWARD, Johnny boy.

Wait. I think I forgot to issue the challenge.

I’ll do it later, after cartoons.

CARTOONS!

CHALLENGE!

(Scratches two items off ‘to-do’ list).

And now, TO THE NAP RECEPTACLE.

Show me a gif depicting or symbolizing the epic battle between me and @johncena, please.

Now we play the waiting game.

The waiting game sucks, let’s play Travel Scrabble.

PLUS! What about this?

As a @DCComics writer, I could TOTALLY make Peacemaker into a giant wussburger.

I could make his helmet into a toilet seat and have a little chain dangle down so that when you pull it it flushed and Cena loves it so he pulls it all the time.

“Here comes ol’ Flushface,” Batman would say.

I am starting my strict training regimen for my bout with Cena by playing Shining Force II and scheduling 50% more naps.

Eye of the Turtle, everyone, eye of the turtle.

TIGER.

Tiger of the turtle.

CENA IS DODGING ME BIG-TIME, FOLKS.