I loved her before I knew what she looked like. We started talking and I quarantined her. Told her no we’re not entertaining people til we meet and confirm relationship. I sent this before flying down for our first weekend
She books at a quaint spot in Simon’s Town. I had wanted to book at the Twelve Apostles. She refused saying she was the host coz I’m making my way down. Ended up at a more fitting lodge. She looked so stunning in red. And she was extra, printed a poster with my name on it
Tallest girl at the airport flying a pamphlet welcoming bois. Longest hug to a familiar stranger. Whispers “I’m gonna love the shit out of you” ‘fore we kiss. This was it. We had been sick in the morning coz nerves, before I took off for Lanseria
She drives us to Simon’s Town, “none of that Camps Bay cliche you Jozi people love”. At dinner down the road next at the town’s waterfront we talk about what a human being is. Talk about how humans come to earth knowing when they will die. The debris of that memory haunts me
Midnight while half asleep she whispers “I love you”. She had to say it in my mother tongue because she is who she is. A litany of photos in our WhatsApp chats houses this chocolate she later used as reference to that warm confession
She was embarrassed in the morning she had said that. Personally I don’t remember not loving her. I can’t even say when I started coz I started when I started. After the first weekend relationship is confirmed. Went from quarantined to itemized.
The idea was we would see each other every three weeks coz interprovincial jazz. She was more confident with such coz she loves her space....so she thought. Lockdown happens. I’m in her space 24/7. We set up our laptops on her small dinner table
Her laptop battery faints to below 10% and had to stay on the charger or it dies. No prospect of getting replacement during lockdown. We name the power cable umshado coz if anybody unplugs it by mistake uyapha umshado. The improvising done for my birthday setup🤣🤣🤣
2 weeks in I’m like “Let’s move in together”. She drops that infamous protest “Hayi!”🤣

I later got my own revenge on that “Hayi” as lockdown restrictions were being eased where she talmbout “please gimme a months notice before you go back to Jozi so I cab prepare mentally” 🤾🏾‍♀️🤾🏾‍♀️
I don’t know how it was so easy to just slide into 24/7 routine with this person. When we spoke about it she’d say it’s because we actually like each other. From 7am in the morning she wakes up in my arms. We spend the rest of the day a meter apart. We then exercise together
Come back up take a shower, make food, bond over some movie and miscellaneous. Sleep at midnight consistently. There’s literally no room apart. It was so not because we didn’t have a choice. It was so because we really liked each other, EVERYDAY
I had a permit. I coulda left after the 21 days if it wasn’t working. Ended up staying 115 days. We counted. I wanted to be there. She wanted me to be there. There’s more

Got a flight to catch
The open book that is a friendship had us gossip about past relationships with minor discomfort. “I once dated this guy who acted like girls like him. I told him girls like me too and guess what? So do guys”🤣🤣🤣

She’s always been a troll
I said I had I loved her before knowing what she looked like. She borrowed from Aretha Franklin to say similar. She used this track to Tik Tok our videos. I only read the lyrics Friday night. Tears started spreading salt on my skin as I married the meaning of it all to us
When she tweeted a poem talmbout how dare the Gods mate, mates. When I dared disrupt her life with ny presence and everything fell into place. How we yoked like we were one. When the souls mated and the blend was congruent with heavenly arrangements, I sought logic to explain it
It starts with a minor issue of proper sleep on our first night. We came to measure and treasure those until her last breath. She had said she’s too light a sleeper and literally gets up to turn sides when sleeping🤣🤣🤣
Said she gets restless in unfamiliar surroundings. Here we were in an unfamiliar bed. We woke up to fist bump an uninterrupted and peaceful sleep. I as a seer always get warnings if I’m with the wrong person. The wronger the person the sooner the warning. Not here. Lotsa peace
I slept better with her than I sometimes sleep at my own shrine. This woman came with lotsa peace. Peace in itself being a big gift of love a woman bears for a man she truly loves. And soul can always tell where there’s pretense. You pick it up with lil things you try to annoy
There’s this thing I’d always do to her knee when she’s standing. I’d knee her down to unbalance her. A very annoying move that needs one to read the mood. I never had to read the mood. It was always met with the same loving giggle enveloped by her chubby cheeks❤️
Her reception of my wacky expressions of love and adoration generally led to an increase in the very feelings in me. It’s a form of encouragement that makes me wanna dig deeper for more love to give. Apart from obvious relationship chores, the playful things that raise intimacy
She allowed me to love her maturely and childishly. She’d do similar annoying shit like twerk in my face while I’m on a meeting. The shit wouldn’t annoy, coz it’s her doing it. It’s that rapport when you’ve found the sweet spot. It even follows your silence
Some knee downing I’d do evoked a muted chuckle drowned by a trembling “I love you so much. You so annoying”, “kiss me”. I’d be upstairs, send a WhatsApp text saying “cum kiss me”. A few Mdantsane foot steps later a giggling Queen is dispensing luscious lips onto mine
Why was she so easy to love? I never asked the question directly. But in conversations with her it comes out that she comes from a family of love. Her father loved her mother. They were inseparable. Also, the father loved the kids. She was crazy about the father
Her formation understands and appreciates love. When I as a man show love she can see it for what it is, a thing to cherish and share. When I do something that expresses the very love it is her saying “You love me don’t you?”, “Kumnandi apha”
She was emotionally very healthy. I was who I was and her view of me was mostly informed by what I presented and expressed myself to be towards her. I wasn’t second guessed. I wasn’t made responsible for disappointment caused by other people
Timing is important I guess. Ours it seems was timed. I had found myself suddenly very ready for a relationship when we started talking. I found her very ready too. Our connection is insane. She was suddenly ready for things she hadn’t been considering
I took this pic from the passenger seat when we drove to Mossel Bay for birthday. She had a thing for symmetry. So when I saw this I knew it was just the perfect hit for her taste. And the weather was fine enough no filter necessary
This was the view from our room. Interesting story re her birthday gift. Earlier on in the relationship I dream she’s telling me that they say if I want her I must give X amount. Run up to her birthday we go shopping for it, the gift she wanted cost the exact same amount.
A four hour drive with a lover that goes from a person you can have deep sociopolitical banter with, to exchanging wordplay gimmicks, discuss Poisson distribution and Monte Carlo simulations and round it up with some housekeeping practicals. We could do such forever
We hiked on her birthday🤣. Pinnacle Point. Amazing photo shoots recreating some banter gif she had used on me when I’d ask her to marry me on the TL. I happen to overhear her talmbout yellow flowers. Earliest chance I get on the laptop I invoke a NetFlorist yellow bunch drop
Never known a woman so much fun to please❤️
“Ma beibi” was a “you doing something I don’t like”. It came out so lovingly I only picked up the pattern later on

“Lava” was the norm. But “Ma beibi” yona was that “I need to scold my man but am not abrasive”
I can still see in that pink gown, we called it ya mgowo coz it’s that golden oldie. “Ma beibi, please will you XYZ” insteada “Joe, why did you not XYZ?”

It’s like there’s a formula to this being gentle thing coz the patterns are pronounced
The Queen o tatile 4 dangling the one leg on top of the other calling me on some “Lava!!”. That’s when she’s gonna ask for tea even though she has an unfinished cup right next to her. I point to the cup she sticks her tongue out 🙃
I bring the tea pretending to be bored by the wasteful use of dishes. Then she says “kiss me”. This is an invite I warmly RSVP as I penetrate her Soul as my eyes stare deep into her minis. She had the smallest eyes in the country. I loved them
We’re done kissing I retreat to my sitting spot. She’s checking me out, as we both blush. “Are you sure you’re not left handed”. Apparently it’s something about the way I do things that made her think that
The “How was your morning?” questions had colour. I get this pic ala “This is when I was talking to you over the phone after the hike”
The “He gets me” sightings were also graphic. “Look what I saw earlier at the mountain”. That one person you must tell when you see or hear something, anything, everything or even nothing. I was that guy
She introduces herself using all ancestral names. I share my lineage and she sends this saying she’ll take me here if I behave (last long enough). The clowning around here was her entire mood all day everyday
I called her my bird coz of the shape of her head. She was the bird so I was the hawk. I rapped for her. She went bezerk everytime I did. The day before her last I was reminding her of the bird rap that had gotten her head wrapped.
Because she wasn’t well she said “Beautiful times. We’ll get them back a 100fold”. She also liked Al Pacino’s line “God is a prankster” from Devil’s Advocate. Maybe this was the prank, that we get them back 100fold when we meet again on the other side or a few generations later
That Saturday she was still texting and tweeting like it ain’t nothing. So private she was nobody at work knew what was happening even, by choice. And when we spoke there was no discontinuity. Tomorrow was more than just a promise, it was guaranteed.
I think we’re both weird. I remember asking her to take a picture on a drip coz “treatment is temporary but drip is forever”. All she could think of was bringing sexy back in time for December. December was some anchor. I was gonna go meet the family
“Lucky for you you have a sense of humor. We’re gonna make fun of you but don’t worry, we’ll make you one of us”. These words assaulted my broken heart as the plane roamed the East London shore before I landed for the funeral. It’s August, not December. I Was early. She was Late
And then the Sun shines, like a direct attack on the dark cloud, as if to bemoan the mourning I been about. It’s rays raise arrays of permanence that should somehow erase the dark firmaments. I feel like I AM being summoned to see the good in all of this
My ancestors have taste. I AM looking at the angel I’ve gained, just looking at her face. My “Marry Me” forbade anything other than “Til Death Do Us”. Perhaps I shoulda been more specific on duration to us.
So when we started talking babies she asks me if I could raise a child with or without the mother. Still dunno whether it was her Higher Self clocking her looming earthly expiry or her own smart probe of my own readiness. A subtle “Don’t just knock me up coz it’s me”🤷🏿‍♂️
Whose eyes were they gonna borrow? Her strands or my pop eyes? Who would lend the head? Her bird head or my octagonal skull? They’d definitely need a strong neck for the head tilt she involuntarily does when speaking. Boo would randomly tilt her head up when talking
She said I do same, like the males in her family from brothers to the father. I do remember learning some eye rotational script where I’d tilt the head too. Became a habit. Or I coulda been mirroring her coz habit...and assimilation
The head tilt was a grand feature during gym. In between exercises she tilts her head and makes a current affairs point. We had enriching convos there. The many debates I didn’t even realize were robust arguments coz of the many we conducted them🤔
Baby had the finest legs around. My ballerina could do splits. Her nieces and nephews wowed by dabawo who does splits. I’d marvel just watching her cycle those legs up and down for ab exercises. What a sight!!!
In my unrelenting adoration of everything about her I still found humor in minor things like how she’d walk with that bounce where New Balance had to intervene on behalf of her ankles coz her wacky steps could twist the motherfuckers
It was also the distinct voice that spoke to me. I could admire a thing about her per day. Focus on one thing, move to another the next day. I could do this everyday. There were many dimensions to her to wet my appetite of positive inquiry
She was lifestyle art that I studied daily through breathing. I can’t contain the consumption in oral explanation. I can relive it through memorial observation. And when I do, my heart strings unplugged concerts of romantic musicals composed by Eros.
I’ve done love many ways. Here it was as if the many ways I’d meant to love had been scattered until she came to mend and append them. For this felt like it’s how love was meant. More than just a concatenation of events but something you do with unending intent
My troll lover when I praise the way she loves me would hit me with something like this❤️
I’m seeing WhatsApp texts where we are discussing how gassy I was. I was texting her from the toilet while she in our bedroom. I said I’d have to sleep on an elevation lest I suffer acid reflux. The Queen responds by saying her boobs are elevated🤣🤣🤣🤷🏿‍♂️
The thing about being comfortable with a person augurs well for a healthy living arrangement. So I have 3 bathrooms at my place. Main bedroom has en-suit bathroom where I never shit there. I thought I was random until we discussed our own arrangement as we were literally movin in
So that becomes a random “you too? That works for me as well”. Shit like that (excuse the pun) when overlooked can strain otherwise very good relations. We live among hyperchondriacs and all so you never know what makes people hit the roof. Now when you can readily talk such👌🏿🥊
So baby asks me to take a video of the house since she might only see it in December when we expect treatment to be over and all things to be returning to normalcy. I send the video and the woman in her already jumps out. “It’s spacious😍😍😍

You have a fruit basket😍....”
“Will fill that space next to the washing machine, lift the curtain rails so they don’t drag. We will do it ourselves. We can get a drill”

So refreshing this day in age. Because she also moves to talk about “I’m thinking of all the things we could do when we’re home together”
Over the years I’ve “counselled” love-sick people who’d talk about how relationship started suffering when we stopped doing a lot of outings, getaways and dates. I was seeing my own 11:11 when my own LOML is planning on what we do when🏠 . This takes me back to first weekend
When she said none of that Camps Bay cliche you Joburg people be about it was more than just a trivial attitude coz even in the things she’d choose to do for fun and company. It was always about us and never necessarily where we be at. She got me reflecting upon my tastes
I love dinner dates as lovers. At least once a month let’s go all out, for the hell of it and good food coz why not? But here we got too busy enjoying each other’s company that the fine dining would really be the cherry atop, as it ought to be, not the big event, but the icing
And when grocery shopping and I pick something extravagant she be like “Why do we need that? Ke chelete ya Kgosi”. Kgosi was the name we gave our son for when he eventually gifts the earth with his royal presence.
Then it’s the TV setup. “No TV in the bedroom” and we wouldn’t need it because my “I have to watch all Barca and Man City matches live” was congruent with her “I have to watch Date My Family live. The rest I can record”.
This flows to music as well. Have you ever been on a road trip with people who don’t enjoy the same mysic you do? I mean it’s not the end of the world but it becomes so much fun when you enjoy same notes. We used to bond over classical music on the TL. Thats when I started liking
Then we get to hip hop🔥🔥🔥. I have over 6k tracks on an external harddrive I got from her currently appendixed to my car sound system. All that ear for good hip hop music where I started re-listening to some of the 90’s rappers anew.
I’m sure every second man has had a few complaints about “ah soccer everyday” or “not this fuck-this fuck-that music” from a lover or a date at least. None of that and not because she’s being inconvenienced and accommodating but because interests are married
A marriage of interests compounded by lifestyles that set up for a healthy longevity together culminates in some of the questions we were getting ready to answer
1) Who between us is moving to the other province (mine)
2) When do we start looking for OUR own house (hers)
When we went down to her garage like the Back Street Boys to gym, all the chats we had in between sets made it clear that we were NSYNC

I love that Burhuma kid with eyes smaller than Barcelona’s sporting project. We will do this again in some (not just one) of our next lifetimes
Whenever I follow triggers that remind me of her through I always close the memory with a prayer of gratitude thanking the Lord for having blessed me with the experience of this pure love. The experience with her got me understanding why Einstein said Love is most powerful force
She took this on my birthday when we did our usual drives. She wanted to retire near a lake. So when we drove past this water station the camera itched.
This Queen communicated in her own funny ways. She wanted to retire near a lake. Her last Twitter profile pic is inside a lake-like water station. She has her back turned on the world retiring away from it. She knew
And the last WhatsApp profile picture has her ascending up a mountain in of her hikes. The back turned against the world like she’s going home back to the Light. I could be overthinking random things but the way things happened between us convinces me otherwise. She knew
When NetFlorist send their promo mails I remember Mondays to be flower replacement days. This was the first bunch I bought her. The caption was her in her element. Chief troll.
We were supposed to make magic with that keyboard. She was gonna play the keys while I sing and rap. Thought we’d have enough time during lockdown to cook something. Didn’t imagine we’d be too busy loving each other to find a minute to compose
We thought we had forever so we could always do it later. So when I bought the last bunch and simply sent her “white is for Light” as a hint, I thought I was drawing from Universal Light to add to her Life.
On our first weekend the drive from Simon’s Town to her place we did via Chapman’s so we could Peak the scenery. I don’t know how many times she talks of the piano when referring to a song she likes. I’m listening to the piano on this Stimela track and thinking back to all that
First it was Moonlight Sonata. She used to tease me a lot about Beethoven on the TL in her travels ala “I’m at Ludwig’s house bitch”. Then there is that Busta Rhymes “Woo” track. Forget the rap but “Have you heard the piano before the beat starts?” as her midget eyes light up
There’s also the piano work in the Beyonce’s Best Thing I Never Had. The many songs were married to her memory by the piano work. Twas coz of this I chose an Alicia Keys beat to spit some love raps for her. Always teased her about her cheeks sizes using that flow
I mispronounced her name. She liked it coz she has a name for everyone close to her. So my mispronunciation became my name for her. I said Chi insteada Qhi. It worked coz we literally did Tai Chi with our respective trinities. This girl is my Soul mate
And she was just as whipped as I was. After landing and the long hugging and kissing I needed a charger so we stopped by a phone shop. She retreats from the counter as I buy. I catch her checking me out more blushed up than a cosmetics shop. And she did say she moved to glompse😍
The tilt she does with her head got more pronounced in the bubble baths coz of the lean back pose. There’s this angular beauty about her face when she does the tilt. And the eyes retreat into her head like they’re going to fetch the sense that comes out of her mouth
The shoulders grow bolder being the ballerina she was that perfected her pose. The retreating eyes return with flashy sparkles that bulb up complementary light for the candles that surround the bath. We put loadshedding to good use with these I suppose 🤣
Her athletic legs tangled up my shoulders for us to body up a proper setting. This was literally a bubble. We set it up to reflect upon the relationship. The oxymoron being lost to us in that we momentarily literally lived in a bubble while seeking ways to improve the partnership
A lot of discomfort would come out of these talks. Friction causes movement. No progress without movement. Therefore no progress without friction. Yet ours was voluntary. It worked. There was just one bath that didn’t bubble right. But we made sure to go to bed good❤️
It’s in a few of these frictional moments that I could safely observe a decision made daily to love, on her part. I didn’t need to observe same in me coz I always knew where I stood. But I did need to hear her say “I know you do. You show me everyday” whenever I say “ I love you”
When recounting how new this whole thing was new to her, and to me, we always thought it was down to thr many things in common we shared. Nobody gets my wordplay like she does. And nobody is just as trigger happy to shoot back whenever I launch
I called this a beret. She corrects me saying “Isicholo baby”. I retort “Same ting, like a Wuhan resident”. She goes “Wu-Hayi”🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Months ago I had been driving so couldn’t text. When I had stopped somewhere I text her “I’m stationary, like Waltons”

Chi goes “More like Walts Disney with the pop eyes” taking a dig at my eyes while waltzing some play on Walt
Dis chem istry between us transcended the physical. Sharing wavelengths and the mental clicks alike had me wholly whupped and grounded like a green pharma. She said we were an exhausting couple coz once the wordplay started it wouldn’t stop
But common interests can be had with friends. Intimacy needed more, to which we never really had to dig deep for. There was some unexplainable chemical reaction from within our cores that tossed us swiftly into this. I don’t remember not loving her romantically
After exchanging numbers I told a close friend that I could see myself really falling hard for this one. I wasn’t lying. A few days later I was telling him I’m flying down to confirm the relationship. It all happened very fast. Was gonna fly down in 2 weeks. She said it’s too far
I shared that eagerness. “Why wait that long? I will move a few things around”

Before you know it, we went from “Bbz” to “Lava” with intentional permanence

Yesterday was difficult
Today was difficulter
But I always feel better when I add to this thread
I just been reading this thread in Morgan Freeman’s voice. It took me to when we watched Shawshank Redemption and Mozart’s Marriage of Figaro came on. Those non-existent eyes of hers light up as Morgan starts freeing the narrative notes
She just had to find the song after the movie. She had to Chazam it😉. That we both enjoyed classical fully immerses me into many more memories of her. I mean I know listen to Stimela with a remambrance of things that happened in places I never been
It starts when on the drive back home from her birthday weekend getaway and she tells me a story of an uncle who was crazy about Stimela and claimed she had been to Jozi to watch them perform live, while nobody knows him to have ever left the EC. Am telling story like I know it🤷🏿‍♂️
The sharing of interests where no effort is required on energetically indulging a subject had my eyes well up when Jay-Z’s Momma Loves Me came on while goong through my hip hop in the car the other day. It’s in music I now hear differently after our encounters
Unrelated content invokes heavy emotion just coz of minor links to her. I dunno what’s gonna happen to me the next time I hear Al Pacino go “Woo hah!” Because man oh man she loved his performance in Scent Of A Woman
And it extends beyond music and follows me to football. Watching Atalanta or Sassualo is another trigger. I watched them properly at her place because at the time Serie A was only league back on football owing to covid restrictions in EU. Triggers are everywhere
At this time we would be taking sunset walks. Our routine incorporated walks as leg days and left weights for other days. Just seen a WhatsApp text of hers talmbout her legs having weakened since I had left coz she hadn’t been taking those
I love my own company. Yet here I was doing literally everything doable with someone else. More than just gym buddies we doubled up as a walking duo and held umrhabulo on all things life. I do remember simple convos on hair sparking lengthy debates along the beach
A few times I told her my tweets on politics and the economy tired me coz there was too much complaining in them. I pointed to how a lot of them were just about what is wrong. She had me rethink my fatigue saying a lot of things I’d say get enough people asking questions n probin
She kinda suggested that sometimes it’s enough to just plant a seed and let it grow on its own, with someone’s else push and at it’s own time. Anyway she in her own capacity did whatever she could to make world a better place. Challenged me to donate to some of her charity gigs
The idea of a lover asking for donation for charity work sexily outwrestled ewallet sbwls🙃

Naughty brag coz people are different and we all have different needs. Still in all we are all different breeds. And I loved a lot of what this Mlanjana feeds
Not out of need but want would she “Nditefise wethu”. And it was lovely to tefisa this lava of volcanic heat sinking togetherness. For a simple airtime purchase precedes a Toni Braxton esque “Kumnandi apha”

Oh the way she dances posing in her new pyjamas stepping in gratitude
I loved these contradictions when Sis Letu gets all child-like over a simple gift. And gifts are all thought out. We had long debates about what she’d get me for my birthday.

“No I can’t get you something you’ll wear for it’s less sentimental and it will wear out”🤔
She was right. What she eventually got me has appendices attached to lifetime goals of mine and things she wished for me. And we were both gonna reap from the sows associated with them

I adore a Queen with long calculus
Lockdown restrictions had her refuse for me to shave until she can find a way to do her hair. Now I’m all scruffy so I always need the mirror to comb after showering. Now we got her teasing me about being a lightskinned nigga taking too much time on the mirror
I retaliate with the infamous knee-drop levelling her delicious frame downwards. It’s that whole internal giggle ala “You’re so annoying” uttered as feedback to my knee jack. Now this is in the other bedroom where baby put up the curtain raila by herself.
The CT winds were vicious at times so we’d swap the main bedroom for the mirror room because those winds would be singing karaoke ejections against the windows. The mirror room was located so as to evade winds against the windows
This one time I got up at around 4am to move the car into the garage coz raindrops pelted stormy bullet sounds against the roof. The Joburger in me was worried about potential hail

“Let’s sleep baby it never hails here”
See I was the designated driver so I’d left it outside
I left it outside coz we were meant to go to the garage to gym at some point. We abandoned that program and wound up going to bed with the car outside. There was no way I was gon leave it when hearing and fearing what the rain do. Though I moved it, she was right. Barely hails
Another occasion we forgot to down the sunroof and heard rain in the middle of the night. I get up

“No don’t worry about it water won’t go in”

I’m thinking this one is mad. Can you imagine a floodes interior?
Not out of negligence but out of loving wholly baby was above materiality. The car need only be safe enough and in good enough condition to go from point A to point B. “ I love these curtains coz my mother fitted them herself. These ones I keep coz my niece bought with last guap”
Her sentimental activity stronger than her formal wear game

“I can buy from Mr Price coz I don’t need to wear it many times. But formal wear is strictly Tiger of Sweden”

It’s the whole “But I’m not cheap”🤣🤣🤣🤾🏾‍♀️
The timeline pillow talk didn’t escape us. Before we bond over TL drama there’s that “Please don’t make me look stupid” whenever a woman had been aerobatically dogged by a lover and the story is trending on the TL. “Did you see XYZ?”
I don’t quite remember the drama being brought on the Tilly but this one time she all sarcastically giggling on some “If you ever did that to me I’d kick you in your sleep”. She does this with a continuous demo kick on my calves harder than my knee-drops
“You’re very patient hey” to me sharing an exchange I’m in before I tweet yet another reply putting same point across differently. “I’ve always wondered how you do that” as she shows me an exchange she’s indefinitely ignoring coz “It’s not going anywhere”
On many an occasion I giggle evilishly giving her the naughty child look before I press “Tweet”. She knows I’m wilding right there and then. I walk around the house with that grin like “I got him/her” talmbout whoever is on the other end of the tweet
It could be a twar. Now imagine taking those personally. You’re all upset twarring with someone who’s colourfully telling you where to get off using brutal vocabulary, but they’re busy giggling, laughing and joking about the vomit with their lover. Could be mid cuddles even
So it’s futile to take these streets personally. People tell you to “Fuck off” then proceed to read their bible or make love afterwards. Now you’re pregnant with blunt anger that won’t find the necessary expression coz at that moment it really is just Twitter
This one time a guy promised me hands and asked that to meet. I laugh as I tell baby that I sent the dude a DM of his own location saying we should rather meet there🤣🤣🤣
And when I annihilate her patience with random annoyance she’d threaten to call the Twitter Feminazis on me

“Negro please!!! You know they don’t play on my TL. They end up blocking me instead🤣🤷🏿‍♂️
We’re at a lodge. Before heading out for breakfast she wants to tidy the room up “Coz I hate clutter”. I whip out the phone to take a video of her. She shyly hides her face. I’m like “You’re bullying me by disallowing me to see your face. This is GBV”

The “wow man” in response🤣
You know when love arrives and starts tickling your emotional intestines draining out all blockages? You find yourself drooling over supposedly simple things like a person merely doing what they said they would. A random weekday I set time for the day’s video call (had em daily)
Sis Letu on some “Consistency❤️. You promised”

Then we get the “Lemme lie right next to you” as she moves closer to the phone camera and start slantering the head sheepishly. The cheeks grow enlarged thicker than a penis as she blushes the love outwardly
Now that head pose had me take lotsa screenshots of the video calls coz of her facial olympics. I remember posting one and triggered her niece coz that’s exactly how she found her after shedding her last breath. I’m glad I wasn’t the one to find her in that state coz ....
My memory of that pose remains of abundant love rather than an abandoned life

I was also spared greatly from a traumatic experience lest it compete the strength of my memories of this perfect love story we painted. Her higher Self also chose it to be family that find her there
My memory of that pose also continues the promises we were making to each other on the Saturday of that fateful weekend. The “We’ll get them back 100fold” chained to the next lifetime we coincide, be together longer and build much farther.
Ours was perfectly filtered to exclude the many bruises we woulda picked up in our respective lovelives. It was filtered to focus on our respective complementary strengths and appetite for a quintessential love. It’s like we had already been prepared for each other
Murder She Wrote track packs that head bop that is always followed by “I was bringing my hired car back at OR Tambo blasting this track and the guy I was handing car over to starts dancing along”. They let the music play on a bit while dancing. Chi was such a vibe
Even driving has it’s own shelf of memories. After checking in on first weekend she stands by the driver’s side. I get in the car on the passenger side and she remains standing.

“And then?”
“Door is closed”

That was her saying even though she driving gentleman must open door
That was the last time I sat in class over that, regardless who’s driving.

Then she tells me a story of how she stopped driving too fast. Once had a fast car full of brothers and niece where she sat on thr pedal and nearly had a horrible head on collision with another car
Ended up ducking by driving over yellow lanes. When it came to a halt nobody in the car said shit. A brief moment of silence then started driving off continuing the journey and words remained needless.

“That was the last time. No more speeding since that night”
After our first few trips with her driving we switch to me driving “coz now I know the way around”

I started bucking stereotypes coz it sounded like I was the only BMW driver who uses the indicator. She mentions nearly everytime like “Oh you’re not so bad”
Then I get blamed for observing too much coz apparently am full of comments about what other drivers on the road are doing and not doing. I remembered this earlier while driving coz I found myself shaking my head at people switching lanes recklessly. Maybe she was right
“But I don’t have road rage. And at least I don’t hoot” would be my defense 🤣🤷🏿‍♂️

And I don’t. Yet in the car with me she’d hear me complain that the driver in the car behind the one next to us is an idiot coz he keeps tailing or that the car in front of him is driving too slow
A few traffic lights later I’m talking about how the guy in the bakkie didn’t switch lanes in time knowing he was about to turn.

“In spite of the comments you know you’re getting home safe”

Also helped we were using her car coz I only sit on the pedal in my own.
I loved that she doesn’t panic over things. We had a tyre burst on a road trip. Luckily (as we always were) it was very close to a filling station. Had to drive defensively for a few kms. Literally drove til the rubber fell off the wheel just as we slip into the station
“I’ll go get a new tyre tomorrow”
“I’ll take care of the garage door coz I don’t want you having problems with access when am gone”

Maybe the housekeeping events thought “we might as well join the party since they’re playing house”.
“You handle that. I’ll handle this”

I need to take out the carpet in the other room while you’re still here coz I can’t have men come into the house not knowing there’s a man here. These safety management tips like how the Duke “Ntombi, ujonge ipetrol. Umamakho akajong’ipetrl”
You’re a woman. Must never find yourself stranded. Always reverse park so you’re ready to get away should you need to drive off.

I observed key and lock management when we go away for a weekend and it’s all calculated. “If I do this and they break in at least they can’t XYZ”
On playing house we always leave the house together. I can count under 5 times where she had to go alone coz it involved work

“Baby let’s go bond over the laundry”
I point to the trash saying let’s go bond by taking it out. She trolls me ala “You can take yourself (trash) out”🙄
She cooks. I do the dishes and cook when she’s not feeling well. For balance I offer to share some of the ironing duties. There she goes taking a picture of me ironing the sheets captioning it “Fuck around marry a Xhosa woman and find yourself domesticated” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
And when she trolls my Twitter handle saying yena otlo mithisa nna and that I must wear spectacles during the deed and she’ll be on top🤣🤣🤣
This one time I broke a wine glass while doing the dishes. I was tryna wipe it inside

“These things are too soft”

She made a remark along the lines of me not having to treat dishes like weights ala “too much force”
I don’t blame Jay-Z for letting Beyonce ruin his dress code with that feminine energy. I was headed there myself. Not that Chi was gonna ruin me but when she asked questions like “Do you mind if I dress you up for your birthday” and I readily agreed without a flinch I was gone
The only thing I fought off was getting a man-bag, which I now use anyway (see my profile pic). I remember this one time at Century City where she was tryna find one for me and I asserted I don’t need one and I don’t like carrying things

“Uxolo baby I’ll never bring it up again”
This is that gentleness where you end up feeling like maybe you were a bit harsh in your decline of the manbag. These “Uxolo baby”s are laced with that gentleness. She had my code
In those sessions where we trance into sociopolitical mode and she recollects her African travels talking about how all these languages are similar, we ended up drawing these compares between our own languages. This was the first Saturday of lockdown
https://twitter.com/mithisa_motho/status/1243880929086537729?s=21 https://twitter.com/mithisa_motho/status/1243880929086537729
I thought of language coz the language she used was always forward looking and insertive. Before I even quarantined her she had been on a retreat with this 2 other ladies. She hitched a ride coz Shannon had a 4-wheeler. I remember Shannon coz we had a brief chat about its meaning
So while on the hitching the ride she says “We need a 4x4” and explains it forward to say then we can get to such rocky and scenic spots without a hassle. Neither of our cars would even have us Ce dar Berg right. Then when she talks of her mother to me her opening is “uMa wakho”
And this thing of ska jumpisa was wild because some of the poetry had to be deleted, including this gem
We’re sitting on our makeshift workspace in her lounge. She bursts into a cheery “Come check your girl” with those cheeks popping proud skin. I get up to her side of the table and see 98% as the assignment mark from Unisa. She was always enrolled for something
“We do these things” is her retort as I watch with amusement, stunned by the appetite to ace everything and the accompanying excitement that taunts even what ought to be short courses from an accomplished career. That smile was big
I remembered this moment as I came across the background to this particular assignment contained in our WhatsApp chats. She had sent me this while working on the assignment. Man this whole thing has a hint of being scripted
When I say I went to heaven and back...What or who is this woman even?!?!?!
Beginning of this thread I mentioned how idea of us being provinces apart kinda appealed to her it was coz of the distant love she mentions here. But her Soulmate had arrived so there was the sudden change of attitude towards love. And I saw live up to promises made here daily
I still say my reply when I pray. When I grew up to Babyface made music and had ideas of how I wanted love between men and women to be, I got in relationships and started thinking I wanted things that didn’t exist and maybe I was unrealistic and impressionable
Then I fell in love with Chizama and realized my ideas were valid. She gave me all that and more. And for that I AM grateful to have known and lived love like this. It was meant to be. We liked each other a lot from a distance and then at close range, until the end
The intimacy was immense compatibility wise. Everyday we were like starved teenagers. I could never get enough of her love. We’d even say even if we’re upset with each other there must always be intimacy. She jokes “If it’s a video call and am upset with you I point camera there”
I was holistically attracted to her. Her mind, body and Soul rocked my world. I also liked how I loved what would be considered flaws in other people. Her walk is funny when in sneakers🤣. But I loved it. The same walk becomes classy too when she does her ballerina poses👌🏿
The outstanding Chizama was a stand up girl. She was once disciplined for refusing to sing along to Kill The Boer at an ANCYL branch. I admired her principled reasoning behind it. In a way I AM exactly like her in this regard. Part of the many things that made things merry btn us
Chi said we don’t need to do anything to any race. Focus should be on inproving ourselves. This came up a lot during our gym sessions and cuddles. It’s that whole “It doesn’t matter what you call me if I have the power to control me....and YOU”
Imagine if the black body energy went more into getting power rather than complaining to it. I always say a complaint is a confession of weakness. For starters, whoever you need to heed your complaint gains strength. If have the power to address your complaint you dont need to
My Chi stubborn on principles. Chi was prepared to face DC hearing over it. In my interpretation of it the slogans like that were like unproductive provocation. In reality they only cemented AfriForum and the like as power-bearing entities for they could simply decide to ban em🤣
I remember the one gym session she refers to the AfriForum “threats” towards the Nelson Mandela Foundation statement on land. So surreal how real it’s been!

“Can you see what they’re doing? They’re now telling you what you can or can’t agitate for. They will take you to court”
My stand up girl is at a friend’s wedding. She gets the sense that the bride’s family speak as though the groom is being done a favour, from the manner in which the bride’s parents were talking in their speeches. Chi didn’t like this. So Chi does what Chi does best...take a stand
She grabs the mic and starts talking about how great the groom is. She talks about the hard and the soft facts. She talks about his life milestones and how loved he is in his own right. I admired her more as she related this saga especially for the reasons she did it
Nobody messes with Chi’s people and she does nothing about it. My stand up girl carried this posture everywhere else in her life. And she does it all with tact. This is the funny part coz I’m the exact opposite ONLINE. Chi had no business falling for this character clothing I
“Mma ngwana o tshwara thipa ka bogaleng” is that phrase that added to this seduction of seeding my fluid right into the tubes of this womb-man. More than the principled stances she readily takes, there’s this maternal instinct that slips in motherly conduct in her demeanor
Angie had just announced schools were reopening. She had been quoted as saying those who don’t want to send kids back to school don’t have to. Angie was right. Chi wasn’t having it coz “Parents are actually worried, whether corona is real or not. So your tone must address worries
...you can say the same thing but tactfully. Something along lines of {We have sanitized the schools...done XYZ to make it safe for your kids}....You don’t even have to say anything about those who don’t want to send their kids to school. Eventually they will loosen up”
She also loved teaching young ones. She taught on a part time basis. We even contemplated a career change where she teaches when our kids are young. Gives her more time to be THE ONE parenting (insteada nanny). Chi was very passionate about this subject. Check caption she sent🤣
I listen to how she refers to herself as Sis Letu, Dabawo, Makazi and how colleagues referred to her as Chief and observed how she carried all these titles up those well sculpted shoulders of hers and I’m like you’re so precise and whole.
Mocking the way her nieces and nephews would speak we had our own “I love you” become “Ayavyu” and “Masilale” become “Masiyaye”. Then when we stretch it we go “Afunye” to say No to something, owing to a niece that pronounced “Andifun” as “Afunye”
On the first chorus we took the pictures at her place. The way she’s looking at the camera is how she’d look in my eyes during cuddles. The love pierces through. I can still taste those lips

https://twitter.com/mithisa_motho/status/1306586628102565888?s=21 https://twitter.com/mithisa_motho/status/1306586628102565888
On the second chorus we took the pictures on our first weekend in Simon’s Town. That’s when we confirmed the relationship. That’s the night she slipped out “I love you” half asleep in the middle of the night. That’s what led to such commitment.
After booking flights for travel to her on last day before lockdown, she starts dietary planning for when am there on some “I’m gonna feed you. What do you like?”

She barely cooked for herself alone but was getting ready to change all that since she now had company
Hindsight fixes focus on such things coz effort. I don’t remember seeing a schedule anywhere but it was in the head. Protein requirements were main thing for me. Nutrition and good taste were key things for her. Boy could she make a mean meal🔥
On things I was gonna need I had whet protein. “I’ll get the plant based one I also use from Wellbess Something”. I saw this store the other day here in Jozi and got triggered

She sent this the morning of the 26th from start of her last minute shopping for my arrival.
Man this excitement still fresh in my mind. How could I not be a fully gone boy when dealing with this?
Then the nerves starting tearing in me when the time to see her started nearing. That “Uyandithanda” from her was “You’re really doing this”❤️

In other settings what I was doing merely passes as bare minimum. But not to Chizama, nyombikayise who knew how to treasure love❤️
Loving the shit out of me was yet another commitment that exploited every opportunity to find expression. I saw it in writings, heard it in words, felt it in her touch, tasted it through her cooking and lived it through our love, everyday
In one if our reflections on how relationships is going we talking love language and she mentions acts of service as being one of her key ones. Blended nicely with the eating together habits. You know how women will order own food and still eat from your plate? Hers a lil varied
Baby be like “Nditefise wethu” referring to me having to let take even just 2 bites from whatever am having. She doesn’t have to want it, but I must feed her as a love language, even just one bite. This happened a lot with cottage cheese snacks. I take it for the protein
Now she’s got me taking it with chives when I previously only used to have it raw. We started getting on the one with chives for a bit of taste for her. This was our health freak dessert every after dinner, in between the stove top teas she enjoyed
Real dessert was on weekend as reward for the good diet and gym routine midweek. I did the choosing being the one with the sweet tooth. Man this togetherness was so optimal in every aspect. Can you imagine being aligned in so many things and ways?
Chizama pauses the TV and orders “Look at thr body language. Look at what she does with her face as he talks”

Before that Entanglement video she had been saying Jada doesn’t really love Will, she speaks too much of him in the brotherly sense and almost looks down on him
So when the video blew up she like “I told you. Look at her face. She doesn’t even show remorse”

A very good judge of character. I know also from other gossips we had about all y’all 🤣🤣🤣🤣
“Have you seen Rori’s tweets? She’s not saying it but she’s pregnant”

Then there are all the talk-right walk-left tweeps we use to gossip about. “Last month she was scared of corona. Now she’s at a funeral”🤣🤣🤣
Then we swiftly transition from the gossip to God’s windows. I have always been one to observe how I feel around a people. I lived with this woman and had not a single nightmare. I was away from my shrine and a lot of my protective tools and not a single drop in Spiritual prowess
Then I have dreams like I AM with God Herself. I remember this one dream vividly where I AM walking with someone and point to a structural void and saying “There is God. Go ask for whatever you want”. I say structural void coz it was erect, had a shape, yet it was shapeless”
I loved that we could share such dreams with each other and seek meaning together. In an alternative setting you are weird, crazy or it’s just a dream. Another reminder of importance of being equally yoked. When I go pray I’m out of network overnight(s).
Imagine a wife that don’t get this. She starts thinking I’m messing around and just switching phone off. Now here’s a lover I coulda even went with. Some of these caves are hikers’ delight to reach. She woulda loved it. And this is where the Cape Union Mart hike gear came in
I disappear overnight and wake up to this next morning
Literally tweeted this mini with tears in my eyes from the hotel during the weekend of the funeral

https://twitter.com/mithisa_motho/status/1295650884945354752?s=21 https://twitter.com/mithisa_motho/status/1295650884945354752
I was just thinking of how love van be like a chronic condition due to it’s permanence. I went the chronic route thinking of the gaping holes in my headt left by her leaving the earth

https://twitter.com/mithisa_motho/status/1295651879154835457?s=21 https://twitter.com/mithisa_motho/status/1295651879154835457
I see it as permanent coz not only was what we had once-in-a-lifetime magical eruption but also because it is inconceivable for me to ever get to a stage of an existence sans her. In the absence of her biology the Soul I mated with will forever linger beside and alongside
She dared asking the planets how they let us Soulmates mate. I don’t remember this question being answered and we didn’t probe. I am here now varying the question with a follow up; “Why not let the Soulmates continue to mate?”

https://twitter.com/chizamasays/status/1239222044614692864?s=21 https://twitter.com/ChizamaSays/status/1239222044614692864
Her voice, her laugh, her aura, her mood nje

This clip is cut coz I was tryna record her singing for me while teasing her. I listen to that giggle and I melt everytime. This was us pretty much the whole time.

Chi-I-Joe ❤️❤️❤️❤️
So Chizama had me penning poetry and wrapping it in artistry. I love how the lyrics here became part of our vocabulary. I love how the pics in the video reflects how she generally looked at me. It was that look of love that soils even the hardest of rocks.
It's the look of love that spoke to my heart. Whenever she would say how happy she was and drop that "You love me don't you?" it would be accompanied by this sort of look. This is that look that made me keep digging for more love to give her. This look booked and hooked me to her
This is that look that crooked my narrow and burst it open to let her in. This is the look that cracked and cooked my codes to allow her to re-encrypt me. This is the look that had me remeditated anew with her. This look refreshed my personality and regenerated my existence
Then she briefly closes the windows to her Soul so I can't steal more of her Spiritual IP. I hoped my smile at least kept the doors to her Heart open in this moment
She’s fly
So am I
Chi’s the bird I’m the hawk
Together we flock
Externals we block
In heaven we knock
We talk
She’s wheeled in, she torques
Cupid did it
We rooted in it
I scooped her in it
Not losin’ it
The who?
La chica with cheeks sized bigger, need I descript her, I repeat I I like her
You would too
We click we connect we’re like Bluetooth/ we too smooth
She sound like hi-fi
Wifely like wi-fi we’re paired
And it became our vocabulary. Externals we blocked/in heaven we knocked for that #SkySizedLove
When it wasn’t the cheeks that were sized bigger it was the cherry lips from which the cheeks took root. When it wasn’t the kiss bearing cherry lips it was the beautiful teeth that flossed out the stars from which her gorgeous Soul shot. It’s such stills that had me on her teeth
When I wasn’t possessed by her alluring eyes I was being exorcised by this gorgeous smile. I’d dwell on such minor detail to even settle on teeth? Maybe I saw her smile too often? Maybe it’s the giggly nature of out times? Maybe it’s from all that feeding her with whatever
The epitome here on the photo when pictured in motion produces this epiphany. When I say I could admire a single thing about her each day it sounds like exaggeration. But having done it ever since I know it to be an actual underestimation

Teeth?? I mean🤷🏿‍♂️
I remember every bit of detail. I remember how her laugh varies when she’s tipsy. During lockdown pineapple ingredients of making liquor were trending. She had her turn🤣

After her first brew all it took was one glass and there she goes “*giggle* I’m lit”
Lit is tipsy to her
Just in case we thought it might be badly brewed pineapple beer, her own bottle of wine that she had kept before alcohol was banned did the same. One glass and she out, “I’m lit”🤣🤣

She had said she don’t drink much. That bottle lasted a few months.
And even when the liquor sales resumed there was no overexcitement re stocking up. The pineapple brew itself was only iterated about thrice if not twice. I don’t drink but I sometimes find that others need to drink to match my natural high. Not Chi, she was already extra
I don’t know why I thought of this. Maybe it’s just the particular way she gets in that state of “I’m lit”, starting with how she mock laughs at herself and then surrounds. Maybe it’s just being so crazy about her that even such minor detail that should be pedestrian commute me
“Oh no I won’t they don’t remember me when we go to Pigalle or Tashas in Joburg. Kenny and I used to be so loud when we went there”

One of those cute contradictions. Full of life yet crowds make her anxious

“I didn’t even stay at Abantu book fest. I Don’t do crowds”
She loves the camera. The camera loves her. Yet in the pics you can see the nerves. She shows me the signals

“Look at what I’m doing with ny hands. That’s how nervous I get when I take pictures”

But she’s beautiful and the smile is voluntarily dutiful, yet “I was so nervous”
There’s this restaurant she wanted us to do at the Waterfront after lockdown. It was a corner and had nice views for patrons. The corner is important coz then it’s not quite like being at a mall

“I hate malls” coz they’re too busy
I guess it’s a balance thing. Maybe it’s just because there are no simple features and characteristics. Chizama wa phapha, yet she has elements of being shy. Maybe shyness is me tryna explain this tendency away from crowds and the contained fidgeting when confronted by cameras
Or maybe I’m harmstrung by tryna use words to explain the unexplanable phenomenon that Chi was, is and will forever be

In the gates of eternity I will look for mystery to locate her. When I find mystery I will seek warmth to sense her. When I feel warmth I will know her, AGAIN
When I said to Chizama that she will take my surname and become BM and I’ll have 2 BMs that I drive, she retaliates with “I hope it’s not S coz then I’ll be BS”🤣🤣🤣

Match made in heaven to mate on earth❤️
Memorabilia has our thoughts in motion, moving my emotions to places only music could previously take me. I’m always finding feelings unexpressed, or maybe I’m finding new ways to say what we already said in our many ways. Match made in heaven to mate on earth
So Chizama did say whatever happens between us, she wants it in her obituary.
From the moment I quarantined her, it’s like every single one of my sins had been pardoned so I could dance with her without guilty feet that lack rhythm. This wasn’t just somebody to love that just anybody’d find me. I say God Herself commissioned this mission
Chizama said we’re exhausting couple and it was just the two of us being exhaustingly ludicrous by ourselves. The postulation was that we’d probably be so caught up in our own world even in other people’s company. I could see this happen
And when she leaves the house on the odd occasion to go to the office during lockdown only to suffer withdrawal symptoms I knew neither of us could be clingy with the other. Baby walked around with half of me nje. I dreaded return to normalcy with interprovincial relationship 😰
And when I did return to Jozi albeit briefly, as per our plan, the gaping cracks we both felt. Text throughout day, calls in between and video call ritual every night, not because we marking register but we just couldn’t go without
I know how much I loved her eyes, I still do, but when I go through our chats I realized how much she loved mine too. Then she mocks me about then being pop eyed, tweeting them using this eye roller emoji🙄, in contrast to her minis 😑
Our love story spans a short time yet the experience goes deeper than a lifetime it feels. I touched a dream or two with this one. And a week into the relationship she echoes what I’d say about having been in love with each other long before we even met
Even the song she chose for us when she Tik Toked our videos carries the narrative of having been in love even before this lifetime

Aretha speaks Frankly about it when she says “Maybe in the past life you were mine and I was yours”. My only regret is consuming lyrics only now
I started telling this story from memory while using it to show the heart that we actually won more than we lost. I then started feeding off the videos and pics and saw same story in them. Now the WhatsApp chats are telling exact same story and even more.
This girl I call my Soulmate would take a picture of me naked as I walk to the bathroom in the morning. She used to call me beef cake. Tlabe are she misses my colossal body on top of hers. I’m not even big. And when she mocks my alleged chest-out walk I’d be pleasantly annoyed
She bulks up her already bulgy cheeks mimick an apparent facial mascular expression I supposedly possess when doing such alleged walks. Then she does that mock laugh of hers “mm hmm mm hmm”🙄

All this she does unbeknown to her that she’s throwing that funny walk of hers🤣
Her helper calls her Miss Letu talmbout how hard it was gonna be now that I had gone to Joburg. She didn’t sleep in our room for a week, after I left. I had grown on her like she had grown on me. It’s everytime I gobble up the artefacts of our story I see we both were into it
My phone screensaver been that picture they used on the flyers at her funeral since we got itemized. She started with our very first pic together at Simon’s Town. Here she talks about how Sis Beauty, the lady that worked at the lodge, that took that very pic did the works widdit
I posted that pic a lot on my stories captioning it The Parents. She called us The Wonderfuls, owing to the Aretha Franklin song she associated with us. Naturally, the song has a life of its own alongside mine now thanks to Chizama
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