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12 Years a Software Dev – How it Prepped Me to Help You Reinvent Your Life
A story of how I went from:
- stressed
- resentful
- trying to please everyone
to:
- purposeful
- physically and emotionally fit
- in an upgraded relationship with myself and the world
A thread
A story of how I went from:
- stressed
- resentful
- trying to please everyone
to:
- purposeful
- physically and emotionally fit
- in an upgraded relationship with myself and the world
A thread
I have developed software for over 12 years now.
My creations:
- control robots in Japanese semiconductor factories
- run operations for Italian telecom giants
- do OTC trading in emerging markets
- power decision making of portfolio managers
- and many more...
My creations:
- control robots in Japanese semiconductor factories
- run operations for Italian telecom giants
- do OTC trading in emerging markets
- power decision making of portfolio managers
- and many more...
I've worked with some of the most brilliant minds in the industry.
I've made some great friends.
I have led and been a part of teams with talented
and enthusiastic members
My clients have appreciated me time and again...
I've made some great friends.
I have led and been a part of teams with talented
and enthusiastic members
My clients have appreciated me time and again...
My wife Swati (also an S/W dev) and I have a beautiful, mortgage-free home.
A 3-year-old son whom we adore.
A frugal yet comfortable lifestyle
A high savings rate.
An impeccable investment discipline.
A nest egg to fund our lifestyle for the next 8 years...
A 3-year-old son whom we adore.
A frugal yet comfortable lifestyle
A high savings rate.
An impeccable investment discipline.
A nest egg to fund our lifestyle for the next 8 years...
The picture of a perfect life.
That's what they sell to us right?
Reach every one of these markers and you will be happy.
I should have been happy as a lark.
Except, that I was not...
That's what they sell to us right?
Reach every one of these markers and you will be happy.
I should have been happy as a lark.
Except, that I was not...
The work was interesting.
The deadlines and constant pressure were not.
The rush of building something that leaves a mark was great.
But working on projects and technologies that I don't want to
with people I don't want to
yet showing up every day, was exhausting.
The deadlines and constant pressure were not.
The rush of building something that leaves a mark was great.
But working on projects and technologies that I don't want to
with people I don't want to
yet showing up every day, was exhausting.
And for what?
To increase the standard of living?
Build a financial future?
A good education for my child?
The comfort and security were there.
But I felt that I've invested all my happiness in a long term bond.
And I was not allowed to book profits.
To increase the standard of living?
Build a financial future?
A good education for my child?
The comfort and security were there.
But I felt that I've invested all my happiness in a long term bond.
And I was not allowed to book profits.
Every day felt dull and meaningless - going through the same motions.
Nothing to look forward to.
Even holidays and festivities had lost their charm.
I felt apathy growing inside me like a disease.
I couldn't care less for anything or anyone.
Nothing to look forward to.
Even holidays and festivities had lost their charm.
I felt apathy growing inside me like a disease.
I couldn't care less for anything or anyone.
My time-killers:
- video games
- endless movies
- medieval fantasy books.
Through the movie and book characters, I was:
- living again
- feeling long lost emotions
- going on grand adventures
I was living in a cocoon - a virtual life.
And even that was not the worst part...
- video games
- endless movies
- medieval fantasy books.
Through the movie and book characters, I was:
- living again
- feeling long lost emotions
- going on grand adventures
I was living in a cocoon - a virtual life.
And even that was not the worst part...
My chronic people-pleasing was tearing me apart.
A habit I acquired from being the "problem-free" child in my family.
I was the good, responsible one.
With good behavior, and good grades.
The one that needs no care or attention.
Always ready to rescue others.
A habit I acquired from being the "problem-free" child in my family.
I was the good, responsible one.
With good behavior, and good grades.
The one that needs no care or attention.
Always ready to rescue others.
I was always trying to cheer others
even while tolerating disrespects and insults.
I hated conflicts and arguments since I was always the mediator.
It drained me down.
I was so tired of always giving, wringing myself up, and getting scraps in return.
I was getting numb.
even while tolerating disrespects and insults.
I hated conflicts and arguments since I was always the mediator.
It drained me down.
I was so tired of always giving, wringing myself up, and getting scraps in return.
I was getting numb.
But the human spirit is not meant to be a doormat.
My facade had cracks
My piled up rage and resentments came out in the privacy of my car.
Holding the steering wheel in my hands, I would sometimes erupt when everything became intolerable.
I would become the rash driver.
My facade had cracks
My piled up rage and resentments came out in the privacy of my car.
Holding the steering wheel in my hands, I would sometimes erupt when everything became intolerable.
I would become the rash driver.
Swati and I had a good relationship with healthy boundaries
But she often drew the short end of the stick.
With her, I felt safe to share my anguish and frustrations.
But there was too much of it accumulated
and too few outlets
you can imagine how that went sometimes
But she often drew the short end of the stick.
With her, I felt safe to share my anguish and frustrations.
But there was too much of it accumulated
and too few outlets
you can imagine how that went sometimes
I was like the frog
staying within the cooking pot
and getting boiled alive, while the heat rose slowly.
I needed a jolt - an abrupt change to jump out of the pot.
And thankfully, I received my wake up call.
staying within the cooking pot
and getting boiled alive, while the heat rose slowly.
I needed a jolt - an abrupt change to jump out of the pot.
And thankfully, I received my wake up call.
The upheaval came in the summer of 2018.
Swati and I were new parents then, without much of a support system.
We were:
- overworked
- under-rested
- hardly got to any quality time to spend
At this juncture, a huge family drama instigated.
Swati and I were new parents then, without much of a support system.
We were:
- overworked
- under-rested
- hardly got to any quality time to spend
At this juncture, a huge family drama instigated.
Blames and accusations flew like fireworks.
And when the dust settled...
the mantle of the scapegoat fell upon me.
I bet at this point, that didn't surprise you much, right?
And on top of that
I had an abrupt and bitter fallout with a close friend.
And when the dust settled...
the mantle of the scapegoat fell upon me.
I bet at this point, that didn't surprise you much, right?
And on top of that
I had an abrupt and bitter fallout with a close friend.
Allegations were all around.
I was not:
- understanding enough
- caring enough
- strong enough
I was giving everyone whatever I had
and yet failed to satisfy anyone.
I was on the verge of a meltdown.
I was not:
- understanding enough
- caring enough
- strong enough
I was giving everyone whatever I had
and yet failed to satisfy anyone.
I was on the verge of a meltdown.
I was reconsidering the values and meaning of my life.
The intense pain was almost visceral.
Everything that I had built was getting torn apart.
I thought I was a failure as a son, a brother, and a friend.
I was sure I was going to fail as a husband and father as well.
The intense pain was almost visceral.
Everything that I had built was getting torn apart.
I thought I was a failure as a son, a brother, and a friend.
I was sure I was going to fail as a husband and father as well.
I was desperately searching for a way forward.
And thankfully, I found them.
My salvation arrived in the form of 2 books:
"Not Nice" by Dr. Aziz Gazipura
"No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert. E. Glover.
These were, as @tylercowen describes, quake books for me...
And thankfully, I found them.
My salvation arrived in the form of 2 books:
"Not Nice" by Dr. Aziz Gazipura
"No more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert. E. Glover.
These were, as @tylercowen describes, quake books for me...
"Not Nice" was like a soothing balm on my injuries.
It taught me that I have a right to look out for myself first.
No one can demand anything of me when it doesn't serve my interests.
I still carry the "bill of rights" from the book with me for a quick reference.
It taught me that I have a right to look out for myself first.
No one can demand anything of me when it doesn't serve my interests.
I still carry the "bill of rights" from the book with me for a quick reference.
"No more Mr. Nice Guy" was a kick to my shins.
It made me realize that I was the one holding myself back.
I was blaming others for how they treated me, but I was the problem.
I allowed them to do that to me.
I didn't have enough self-respect. I was too clingy and needy.
It made me realize that I was the one holding myself back.
I was blaming others for how they treated me, but I was the problem.
I allowed them to do that to me.
I didn't have enough self-respect. I was too clingy and needy.
I finally understood that I have a right to ask whatever I need.
I cannot expect others to read my mind.
I took a deep look inwards.
I was forced to admit that I didn't like what I saw.
I had nothing that I really took pride in.
So I set out to rebuild...
I cannot expect others to read my mind.
I took a deep look inwards.
I was forced to admit that I didn't like what I saw.
I had nothing that I really took pride in.
So I set out to rebuild...
I started running.
I joined violin classes.
I started working out regularly with a personal coach.
I revamped my nutrition routine and my food habits.
I started Resilient Human.
I wrote about what worked for me.
And which roads not to take.
I joined violin classes.
I started working out regularly with a personal coach.
I revamped my nutrition routine and my food habits.
I started Resilient Human.
I wrote about what worked for me.
And which roads not to take.
I had no idea how to write online.
My last creative writing efforts were school essays in the 6th grade
It was a steep learning curve for me.
But through some lucky breaks, I was able to build a network around me.
They were my mentors, friends, and inspirations...
My last creative writing efforts were school essays in the 6th grade
It was a steep learning curve for me.
But through some lucky breaks, I was able to build a network around me.
They were my mentors, friends, and inspirations...
I learned the ropes of writing persuasively from @smartbloggerhq
A big shoutout to:
@LongLifeFunLife
@ProjectUntether
@michalkorzonek
@this_is_silvia
@liverealdotcom
@Cathy_H
@sarahlicain
I'm forever indebted to them for their help and support.
A big shoutout to:
@LongLifeFunLife
@ProjectUntether
@michalkorzonek
@this_is_silvia
@liverealdotcom
@Cathy_H
@sarahlicain
I'm forever indebted to them for their help and support.
And then I found a supportive corner on Money Twitter
Here I've found great inspiration and making some great friends.
This thread itself was inspired by @ImprovementGeek and @dvassallo
Life feels so fulfilling these days.
Everything seems to click in its place.
Here I've found great inspiration and making some great friends.
This thread itself was inspired by @ImprovementGeek and @dvassallo
Life feels so fulfilling these days.
Everything seems to click in its place.
Today the software developer in me lives on.
I'm still:
- working with corporate clients
- developing solutions for them
- solving their problems
But everything else has changed.
I wake up every morning at 5.15 am (even earlier on some days).
I'm still:
- working with corporate clients
- developing solutions for them
- solving their problems
But everything else has changed.
I wake up every morning at 5.15 am (even earlier on some days).
I go through my morning routine:
-10 jumping jacks
- meditation
- journaling
Then I tackle priority tasks for my blog and my audience:
- working on a new article
- creating landing pages
- creating content for my twitter audience
- or learning some more
-10 jumping jacks
- meditation
- journaling
Then I tackle priority tasks for my blog and my audience:
- working on a new article
- creating landing pages
- creating content for my twitter audience
- or learning some more
I follow the P.A.R.A by @fortelabs to organize my work.
My system stores the entire context of my work and retrieves it whenever I need it.
Without this, I wouldn't be able to create content in my shoestring time budget.
My system stores the entire context of my work and retrieves it whenever I need it.
Without this, I wouldn't be able to create content in my shoestring time budget.
Every day, I write one major goal for the next day on a sticky note.
I stick it somewhere I can see the first thing in the morning.
My aim is to tick off that goal before my morning routine ends.
I do this until 7.30 am. Each day. No exceptions.
I stick it somewhere I can see the first thing in the morning.
My aim is to tick off that goal before my morning routine ends.
I do this until 7.30 am. Each day. No exceptions.
At 7.30 am, the husband, dad, and the software dev takes over.
That's how I have been able to maintain my growth even within a pandemic.
The routine - it's exhausting.
But it's exhilarating.
I won't have it any other way.
That's how I have been able to maintain my growth even within a pandemic.
The routine - it's exhausting.
But it's exhilarating.
I won't have it any other way.
I keep learning about:
- mental health
- self-awareness and acceptance
- emotion management
- and values and meanings to live by
And I write what I learn.
My goal is to give you hope
that even in the mid-30s, all is not lost.
It's never too late to start.
- mental health
- self-awareness and acceptance
- emotion management
- and values and meanings to live by
And I write what I learn.
My goal is to give you hope
that even in the mid-30s, all is not lost.
It's never too late to start.
I want you to be able to get back in touch with yourself again.
I believe you deserve respect, happiness, and love.
And I’m determined to carve a way out for you to get them.
So that you, like me, know how it feels to be reborn.
I believe you deserve respect, happiness, and love.
And I’m determined to carve a way out for you to get them.
So that you, like me, know how it feels to be reborn.
You are a Resilient Human.
So together, let's embark on a journey
to stop being powerless and take control of our lives
Together, let’s make this happen!
The world’s bounties await you... https://www.resilienthuman.me/reinvent-your-life/
So together, let's embark on a journey
to stop being powerless and take control of our lives
Together, let’s make this happen!
The world’s bounties await you... https://www.resilienthuman.me/reinvent-your-life/
Thanks for reading!
If you have any questions, please DM me - they're always open
If you enjoyed the thread, I'd really appreciate if you retweet.
I also write a bi-weekly newsletter that you might like.
Cheers, Subhajit https://www.resilienthuman.me/newsletter/
If you have any questions, please DM me - they're always open
If you enjoyed the thread, I'd really appreciate if you retweet.
I also write a bi-weekly newsletter that you might like.
Cheers, Subhajit https://www.resilienthuman.me/newsletter/
