My friend/nemesis, @tonyposnanski, was hassling me earlier today about buying a camera lens.

To avoid his further haranguing, I stormed off into the woods.

Since he hates my long threads, I shall write a thread about it and tag him frequently throughout.

1/

So, I ventured off to a neglected preserve. A big, forgotten place with unmaintained trails. (Foreshadowing alert)

It’s like an abandoned state park of sorts.

“It’ll be fun!” I thought. “I will see and photograph things like birds and flowers and stuff!”

2/

So, off I go into the woods. No trail map. I’m like a suburban Lewis and/or Clark.

Started well enough. Wildflowers hither and yon.

“Well this is nice.” Said me to me.

3/

But then I noticed that there were, like, a lot of bugs. I mean, big bugs.

Look at this thing. It looks like it would both bite AND sting you just because it could.

4/

And I’m not an expert on bumblebees but this place had some Jurassic-ass bumblebees.

They looked NOTHING like the ones on the tuna can.

Very large. Like flying thumbs.

5/

And then the trail wended its way into deep woods along a stream that somehow managed to be too ugly to photograph despite being a rustic, woodsy stream.

I have seen many streams in my day. This one should be ashamed of itself. It was poor.

6/

The stream then opened out to Sad Pond.

It was a stagnant place where neither bird nor turtle bothered inhabit.

I’m about a mile into the woods at this point.

It’s getting sort of creepy.

7/

Then, I lost the trail and got all kinds of... misplaced... and ended up in an area that appears to have once been a shallow pond at some point.

And that’s when I found these strange eggs. Perfectly round. Dimpled. Said Spaulding on them.

In deep, remote woods.

8/

So, I’m sort of lost and there’s a decent chance I’m actually already at or beyond the preserve and am just walking aimlessly into more woods at this point.

And the ‘trail’ basically narrows to a hole into more woods.

9/

So I get to about the hole and spanning the whole path is...

Ghost Spider.

And his very large web.

Yeah, screw that. I turned around and went the other way.

10/

And that’s when I reached Field One Should Not Cross in Shorts.

Looks pleasant enough. Grass waving in the breeze. How lovely. I think I shall trudge right through.

11/

Yeah, I don’t know what the fuck kind of grass that was but it appears to be forged of razor-sharp tungsten or some other weapons-grade alloy.

Sliced me to ribbons.

I very much did not enjoy Field One Should Not Cross in Shorts.

12/

Now, bear in mind, my goal had been to see and photograph some birds.

Not a damn one.

Sure, I saw a few butterflies like this swallowtail and this orangey one.

But nary a bird. I got ginsued by razor death wheat for nada so far.

13/

But then... just as I was waist deep in another very lost-the-trail moment, what should appear before me? A gazebo.

And hanging from it was a hummingbird feeder.

And in it was a half-inch of remaining nectar.

14/

I had to be very still if there was to be any chance a hummingbird would approach with me there.

So, I slow my heart rate to 14 beats per minute and drop my circulation to reduce my thermal footprint - as one does.

Many wasps came. They also liked the gazebo.

15/

Still, I maintained by steely vigil.

And then I heard the hummingbird buzz. You know it when you hear it.

And I got this snap...

16/

And then a while later, I got this one.

Listen, I’m going to be straight up with you.

I am a Grade A dork because these hummingbird pics - especially this one - made my damn day.

17/

It’s a combo of a rare sighting for my area *and* a hard snap to grab with my equipment.

It’s a double.

The above is the low res version that downloaded to my phone. Haven’t looked at the hi res version.

18/

So, in conclusion, I got hella lost and a bit sliced up and it is mostly @tonyposnanski’s fault.

But then I got a couple cool hummingbird pictures and it’s all fine.

The end.

19/19