lan xichen and jin guangyao& #39;s friendship was born of war, but they sustained it with gossip. their late-night discussions were a pressure valve, a chance for jgy to be briefly, limitedly honest, a chance for lxc to step out of being sect leader lan for a few hours.

lxc rarely gets to be mean! day and night, he has to be serious, restrained, limited, dignified. it& #39;s a measure of how much he trusts jgy that he& #39;s willing to complain to him, willing to trust him with all the uncharitable comments he usually keeps to himself.

it& #39;s the closest he comes to being cruel & jgy thinks it& #39;s charming. lxc treats cracking a mean joke like a guilty indulgence, one he can& #39;t get enough of. late at night, when the servants are out of hearing range, he& #39;s said some things that made jgy burst into shocked laughter.

after jgy dies, lxc still has those bitter thoughts, those observations, those feelings, but now there& #39;s no one to share them with. they pile up inside of him with all the other grievances. eventually, they start to leak out.

it turns out, it& #39;s so easy to unsettle people. no one knows what to say to lxc, how to interface with the crushing grief that haunts his every step. that& #39;s fine. he doesn& #39;t want to make it easier for them to speak with him. he wants to be left alone.

post-canon lan xichen is a man whose only amusement is in bitter jokes, jokes for himself and the ghost over his shoulder, comments that hide the larger, more bitter words he& #39;ll never share.

and then jgy comes back. #xiyao