Just got back from visiting my mom.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz"> She’s so tired & just worn down from...everything. This is all really so hard. You know it will be but still.

I always thought that I’d have time to have the life I dreamed of. The life I want. Because the one I have now isn’t remotely it.

The most crushing weight that is killing me every day is that if that life ever happens, my mom most likely won’t be here to see it. And she deserves to have seen it.

It makes me hate myself for not being capable of giving myself the life I want. Of finding it before she goes.

And it makes me hate cancer even more for denying me the time to get it right for my mom. And me.

I know this thread is a lot.https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz"> Caretaking alone is really lonely. I know bearing other people’s sadness can be a burden. So, I remain appreciative that you all support me here. https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="❤️" title="Rotes Herz" aria-label="Emoji: Rotes Herz">