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[abuse]
I see a lot of people expressing shock 1) this happened at all & 2) that it seems increasingly common to see stories like this.
So I want to talk about abuse specifically against disabled people & why it can be virtually impossible for many of us to leave our abusers
https://twitter.com/AITA_reddit/status/1297267984654905344
I see a lot of people expressing shock 1) this happened at all & 2) that it seems increasingly common to see stories like this.
So I want to talk about abuse specifically against disabled people & why it can be virtually impossible for many of us to leave our abusers
https://twitter.com/AITA_reddit/status/1297267984654905344
[abuse]
First of all, so we're all clear, taking away someone's mobility aids, withholding or only giving accommodations or accessibility as punishment or reward, using someone's disability against them to get your way, etc. is ABUSIVE.
First of all, so we're all clear, taking away someone's mobility aids, withholding or only giving accommodations or accessibility as punishment or reward, using someone's disability against them to get your way, etc. is ABUSIVE.
[abuse]
But abuse against disabled people can also be more "subtle" & it's often very normalized in society.
Our murders by family, partners, caregivers are often excused or justified by media or nondisabled people using similar excuses.
But abuse against disabled people can also be more "subtle" & it's often very normalized in society.
Our murders by family, partners, caregivers are often excused or justified by media or nondisabled people using similar excuses.
[abuse]
Some things you might not even realize are abusive:
1) Treating us as if you're doing us a FAVOR by not denying us care or accommodations is abusive. Treating us as if we're a burden and a problem you have is abusive.
Some things you might not even realize are abusive:
1) Treating us as if you're doing us a FAVOR by not denying us care or accommodations is abusive. Treating us as if we're a burden and a problem you have is abusive.
[abuse]
2) Harassing us for using mobility aids, accommodations, medication, or other accessibility devices we need is abusive.
Yes, even if you think we can TECHNICALLY exist without them. If they make the world more accessible to us, make life less painful, we need them.
2) Harassing us for using mobility aids, accommodations, medication, or other accessibility devices we need is abusive.
Yes, even if you think we can TECHNICALLY exist without them. If they make the world more accessible to us, make life less painful, we need them.
[abuse]
YOU can technically exist without: glasses, transportation, shelter, or income. But your life is drastically improved by all of these things & you will SURVIVE MUCH LONGER with them.
Stop telling disabled people we don't TRULY need a mobility aid or accommodation.
YOU can technically exist without: glasses, transportation, shelter, or income. But your life is drastically improved by all of these things & you will SURVIVE MUCH LONGER with them.
Stop telling disabled people we don't TRULY need a mobility aid or accommodation.
[abuse]
3) Telling us there are "no excuses" for being unable to do things an abled person can & denying us accommodation based on this belief is abusive. Reasons are NOT excuses, but also there IS an excuse & it's THAT WE'RE DISABLED & the world is literally not designed for us
3) Telling us there are "no excuses" for being unable to do things an abled person can & denying us accommodation based on this belief is abusive. Reasons are NOT excuses, but also there IS an excuse & it's THAT WE'RE DISABLED & the world is literally not designed for us
[abuse]
4) Gaslighting us to invalidate our disabilities, implying perhaps we're simply imagining our disabilities or the severity of them, is abusive.
5) Using our disabilities to shame us, humiliate us, manipulate us, tell us no one else will care for us, etc. is abusive.
4) Gaslighting us to invalidate our disabilities, implying perhaps we're simply imagining our disabilities or the severity of them, is abusive.
5) Using our disabilities to shame us, humiliate us, manipulate us, tell us no one else will care for us, etc. is abusive.
[abuse]
This is not an exhaustive list of the ways abuse shows up against disabled people; I strongly encourage you to follow more disabled people on here & LISTEN TO US, because many of us talk a lot about the harm done by our family, friends, partners, caregivers & others.
This is not an exhaustive list of the ways abuse shows up against disabled people; I strongly encourage you to follow more disabled people on here & LISTEN TO US, because many of us talk a lot about the harm done by our family, friends, partners, caregivers & others.
[abuse]
Now let's get onto the ways society and systems are set up in ways that make it impossible for most disabled to leave abusive situations:
Now let's get onto the ways society and systems are set up in ways that make it impossible for most disabled to leave abusive situations:
First, most disabled people are either UNDERemployed or unemployed; some are able to work but employment discrimination is rampant. Some of us are unable to work even with accommodations.
SSI payments are max $783/month in 2020 & many don't even receive that. (I don't.)
SSI payments are max $783/month in 2020 & many don't even receive that. (I don't.)
Being disabled is SUPER EXPENSIVE!
Accessible apartments are more expensive & much harder to come by than non-accessible ones.
Accessible versions of products ALWAYS cost more than the non-accessible versions.
(Sometimes you'll see us refer to as a Crip Tax.)
Accessible apartments are more expensive & much harder to come by than non-accessible ones.
Accessible versions of products ALWAYS cost more than the non-accessible versions.
(Sometimes you'll see us refer to as a Crip Tax.)
Prosthetics can cost tens of thousands of dollars.
Wheelchairs costs vary wildly & often aren't covered by insurance. Some wheelchairs cost more than a used Prius and others cost more than a brand new Tesla Model X.
Wheelchairs costs vary wildly & often aren't covered by insurance. Some wheelchairs cost more than a used Prius and others cost more than a brand new Tesla Model X.
Home care costs money & even if your insurance covers it, they're unlikely to approve enough hours for you to actually thrive.
The vast majority of assistive devices, accommodations, accessible versions of things, etc. are NOT covered by insurance at all.
The vast majority of assistive devices, accommodations, accessible versions of things, etc. are NOT covered by insurance at all.
[abuse]
So disabled people are often impoverished & BEING disabled is inherently more expensive, forcing many of us to financially depend on family, friends, or partners to literally stay alive.
This gives those we depend on an unimaginable level of control over our lives.
So disabled people are often impoverished & BEING disabled is inherently more expensive, forcing many of us to financially depend on family, friends, or partners to literally stay alive.
This gives those we depend on an unimaginable level of control over our lives.
[abuse]
Some people reading this are thinking, but what about disability payments? What about shelters? What about other programs? What about, what about, what about???
So I'm going to tell you!!
Some people reading this are thinking, but what about disability payments? What about shelters? What about other programs? What about, what about, what about???
So I'm going to tell you!!
As mentioned, SSI payments max out at $783/month, but did you know that people receiving SSI have an asset limit of $2,000? If they surpass that threshold, they lose benefits. Benefits they often fought 1-10 YEARS to even get to begin with.
[abuse]
So saving money to escape an abusive situation is impossible because you'll lose SSI & Medicaid, & even if you do escape, if you have any sort of even moderate emergency, you're totally fucked because you're receiving $783/month & can't own more than $2,000 in assets.
So saving money to escape an abusive situation is impossible because you'll lose SSI & Medicaid, & even if you do escape, if you have any sort of even moderate emergency, you're totally fucked because you're receiving $783/month & can't own more than $2,000 in assets.
[abuse]
And then you're often right back where you started, with your old abusers, or with brand new abusers, or with absolutely nowhere to go and very little you can do about it, because the system is designed to fail you.
And then you're often right back where you started, with your old abusers, or with brand new abusers, or with absolutely nowhere to go and very little you can do about it, because the system is designed to fail you.
But what about shelters you say?
So, fun fact! Shelters are NOT ACCESSIBLE. A few may be wheelchair accessible (rare!), but that is not the only thing that makes them inaccessible.
So, fun fact! Shelters are NOT ACCESSIBLE. A few may be wheelchair accessible (rare!), but that is not the only thing that makes them inaccessible.
Some other reasons shelters can be inaccessible to an individual include, but are not limited to:
- sensory issues
- PTSD
- being housebound, bedbound
- requiring help with eating, bathing, dressing
- MCAS
- having a disability with variable & unpredictable accommodation needs
- sensory issues
- PTSD
- being housebound, bedbound
- requiring help with eating, bathing, dressing
- MCAS
- having a disability with variable & unpredictable accommodation needs
[abuse]
Not only that, but shelters designed for victims of abuse are usually designed for you to "get back on your feet", which generally means: attaining enough employment so you can afford to survive relatively independently, which can be impossible for many disabled people.
Not only that, but shelters designed for victims of abuse are usually designed for you to "get back on your feet", which generally means: attaining enough employment so you can afford to survive relatively independently, which can be impossible for many disabled people.
Even if you do manage to cobble together enough social assistance to survive, MANAGING all of those services is itself a full-time job.
Many disabled folks are not physically/cognitively able to manage all those services consistently, which can have dire consequences.
Many disabled folks are not physically/cognitively able to manage all those services consistently, which can have dire consequences.
[abuse]
What about your family, you ask? Surely if your partner is abusive, your parents will care for you?
If you're wondering this, please realize often our FAMILIES are the ones abusing us. We experience much higher rates of familial abuse than nondisabled people.
What about your family, you ask? Surely if your partner is abusive, your parents will care for you?
If you're wondering this, please realize often our FAMILIES are the ones abusing us. We experience much higher rates of familial abuse than nondisabled people.
[abuse]
Additionally, disabled people are MORE LIKELY to be LGBTQ+ than nondisabled people; more than 1/3 of LGBTQ+ adults in the US are disabled, whereas only 20-25% of the general population is disabled in the US.
So many of us lack familial support due to being LGBTQ+.
Additionally, disabled people are MORE LIKELY to be LGBTQ+ than nondisabled people; more than 1/3 of LGBTQ+ adults in the US are disabled, whereas only 20-25% of the general population is disabled in the US.
So many of us lack familial support due to being LGBTQ+.
[abuse]
Say you DO sort out how to financially manage to 1) leave your abuser(s) & 2) survive an average month.
What do you do when your wheelchair breaks? Remember, getting a wheelchair repair can take a year or more: https://twitter.com/laurawritesit/status/1296811970210017280
Say you DO sort out how to financially manage to 1) leave your abuser(s) & 2) survive an average month.
What do you do when your wheelchair breaks? Remember, getting a wheelchair repair can take a year or more: https://twitter.com/laurawritesit/status/1296811970210017280
What do you do when your degenerative chronic illness degenerates, as they are wont to do? Now you need more care, you likely don't have anyone to help manage in the meantime (months or years) even if you are able to get home care covered or eventually improve with treatment.
What happens when you get a letter one day from Social Security informing you that you're magically no longer disabled and you're losing your benefits effective immediately? And bills are due soon but you have little to no savings because of that pesky asset limit!
[abuse]
It is not catastrophizing to worry about these possibilities when trying to leave an abusive situation because when you're disabled, you HAVE to plan for these scenarios, because it can literally be a matter of life and death if you don't & many are very common.
It is not catastrophizing to worry about these possibilities when trying to leave an abusive situation because when you're disabled, you HAVE to plan for these scenarios, because it can literally be a matter of life and death if you don't & many are very common.
[abuse]
Do you see now why it's so impossible for most disabled people to leave abusive situations? Why so many of us are trapped in these situations?
Do you see now why it's so impossible for most disabled people to leave abusive situations? Why so many of us are trapped in these situations?
[abuse]
If you learned something from this thread & are able to help me move out so I can live my best trans disabled life free from abuse, I would appreciate that:
Cash app: http://cash.app/$dvthorn
Venmo: http://venmo.com/dvthorn
Paypal: DM
Wishlist: https://amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/48HS996BQPPK
If you learned something from this thread & are able to help me move out so I can live my best trans disabled life free from abuse, I would appreciate that:
Cash app: http://cash.app/$dvthorn
Venmo: http://venmo.com/dvthorn
Paypal: DM
Wishlist: https://amazon.com/hz/wishlist/ls/48HS996BQPPK
