i'm seeing people getting annoyed at the fact that some danmei characters are referred in text as "wives" and honestly, you need to keep linguistic and cultural nuances in mind. for wuxia/xianxia novels, which take place in ancient china, there was obviously no framework for

a "same-gender" marriage as opposed to a heterosexual marriage. these men who do get married more often than not fit into a pre-established legal, civil, and economic framework for marriage, which means that, like it or not, it may be that one man is referred to as a "wife".

for example (spoilers), in 2ha, taxian-jun marries chu wanning and takes him as an imperial concubine but has to rename him chu fei in order for chu wanning's status as his concubine to be official. which yes, means referring to cwn as a wife/concubine.

gay marriage didn't spring up out of nowhere. even in our era, in many countries, gay couples have to either fit into the pre-existing legal and civil framework for marriage or maneuver around it if same-gender marriage isn't legal in their country.

you have to understand that marriage is an embedded part of a society and its political economy, which is why establishing legal and civil rights for married gay couples involves more than just allowing them to get married. legal status matters.

it's not just for gay marriage either. in india, for example, trans women and hijra folk have to maneuver around existing marriage laws in order to get married, even if a trans woman is marrying a man. it requires an overhaul and civil and legal frameworks.

at the point characters are at in wuxia/xianxia novels, those legal frameworks simply do not exist and no one will even consider changing them for hundreds of years. hence the whole "wife" thing.

as for "you're feminizing the bottom because you want to be kinky and heteronormative", i really don't think so. first, i've seen plenty of novels in which the shou refers to the gong as his wife. in golden stage, for example, fu shen constantly refers to yan xiaohan as his wife.

in guardian, zhao yunlan refers to shen wei as his wife. we even have crossdressing gongs like feng xiao who dress up as the shou's wife. in danmei novels, it's never been exclusively a "the bottom is the wife and the top is the husband" thing, lol.

moreover, it's kind of hypocritical to be this up in arms about these danmei conventions when even in western gay circles and drag circles, you have gay/bi men referring to themselves as 'queens' or with feminine epithets all the time.

you may say "oh well they're referring to themselves as such of their own volition, whereas cishet fujoshi evil bitches writing danmei aren't gay men". the whole misappropriation of fujoshi aside, PLENTY of gay men write danmei as well, and they include the kinds of conventions

that y'all dislike, such as the feminine bottom/masculine top thing, exaggerated size difference, "wife/husband", and more. maybe for western lgbt circles this kind of thing is a big deal and seen as heteronormativity, but you can't make that kind of judgment about

nonwestern countries and the norms of their gay circles. even as an indian woman, for instance, i have little to no idea what lgbt circles in india would think about the "wife/husband" thing. i don't know if they'd see it as demeaning and heteronormative, or just a regular thing.

and that's because i grew up in america, in which some newer lgbt circles condemn the "wife/husband" assignment or the "top/bottom" assignment. yet i can't assume that lgbt circles everywhere else in the world, even in the nation my family hails from, do the same things.

similarly, who's to say that indian lgbt people, or chinese lgbt people, or whoever, don't condemn western lgbt tropes? who's to say that they dislike some of the tropes that westerners would consider "progressive"?

white lgbt characters who think individualism is more important than family and community aren't relatable to me at all, and so i don't see that as good or progressive representation. so what YOU may perceive as good rep may not be seen as such overseas or by other groups.

just say that the top/bottom assignments make you uncomfortable and go! it's okay! you can feel uncomfortable about them! just stop making into a woke issue or one of moral superiority bc it really isn't like that.