“I did not want you to feel self conscious about your hands.”

“Oh my god, Lan Zhan.” Wei Ying looks at the paper again. “Are you a keyboard? Because you’re just my type.”

Lan Zhan’s eyes harden. “I do not wish to speak of keyboards.”

Fucking Christopher Latham Sholes.

Wei Ying hums. “Are you a library book? Because I’m checking you out.”

“Checking something out implies that it will later be returned,” Lan Zhan says simply. “But my intention is to have you by my side forever.”

Red climbs across Wei Ying's face.

“Okay, uh." Wei Ying scans the paper. "Did the sun come out or did you smile at me?” Wei Ying pouts. “Why’d you cross this one off? It’s cute.”

“Because I would never mistake the sun for Wei Ying’s smile,” Lan Zhan answers. “It is not bright enough.”

Wei Ying lets out a croak. “Aiya, Lan Zhan! Why look up pickup lines when you say stuff that's way worse all the time!”

Lan Zhan doesn't understand the problem. He is just being honest?

Wei Ying huffs. “Okay. This one wasn't crossed out: Did you just come out of the oven? Because you’re hot.” Wei Ying looks at Lan Zhan. "There must be some deep meaning behind this if you kept it, right?"

Silence.

“You just are,” Lan Zhan uncharacteristically wheezes out.

Wei Ying stays quiet for a long moment, and then:

“Hey, Lan Zhan. I really want to kiss you right now.”

“Yes,” Lan Zhan breathes immediately, well aware that it wasn’t a question but all he can think of when it comes to kissing Wei Ying is Yes. Absolutely. Always.

Lan Zhan leans in, and is promptly stopped by Wei Ying's hand.

“Wait! In spirit of what got us together, I'm going to use my own pickup line on you. To initiate the kiss." He clears his throat. "Do you know CPR? Because you’re taking my breath away.”

“I do not know CPR,” Lan Zhan replies. “I only know loving Wei Ying, but I hope that is reason enough to kiss you anyway.”

"You— You fucking— Let me win for once!" Wei Ying chokes, face now tomato red.

He grabs Lan Zhan by the collar and finally presses their lips together.

They kiss for probably thirty minutes. Then cuddle for ten. The kiss for another five.

And then, during their second cuddling session, Wei Ying suddenly barks out the loudest laugh Lan Zhan has ever heard.

“Hey, Lan Zhan." Wei Ying smirks up at him. "During your hunt for pickup lines, you must’ve seen some dirty ones, right?”

Lan Zhan’s mouth goes dry. “I came across a few, yes.”

"Well, come on then, Lan Zhan. Tell me some of them." Wei Ying plops himself down in the middle of Lan Zhan's lap and pouts. “Educate this completely shameless Wei Ying.”

Lan Zhan places his hands on Wei Ying's thighs. “Your legs look great, but they would look better with me between them.”

Wei Ying’s face colors a more vibrant red. “L-Lan Zhan. Now that I think about it, hearing these words coming from you… it’s a little bit too much.”

“You look ill. You must be suffering from lack of Vitamin—”

“LAN ZHAN!”

Lan Zhan blinks at the sudden outburst, and then slowly finishes, “...Me.”

Wei Ying pauses, and then starts laughing awkwardly. “Oh. I… thought that you were going to say something else.”

Lan Zhan frowns. “What did you think I was going to say?”

“You know… Vitamin…” Wei Ying shifts a little on Lan Zhan’s lap.

Oh.

Lan Zhan’s eyes darken.

But in typical Wei Ying fashion, he gets over his embarrassment quickly.

With a grin, he says, "Hey, Lan Zhan. I have one for you. Let me know if you’ve heard it before."

Wei Ying then clears his throat and pinches the front of Lan Zhan’s sweater between two fingers. “This sweater looks great on you.” He leans in and whispers against the shell of Lan Zhan’s ear, “But it would look better on the floor.”

Lan Zhan lets out an unattractive, "Mrfg."

And the look on Lan Zhan's face makes Wei Ying laugh again, and the sound of it sends Lan Zhan straight to cloud nine.

All he can think of in this moment is Wei Ying. The love of his life.

It's with this in mind that Lan Zhan then asks, "Would you ever want to get married?”

Wei Ying abruptly stops laughing, and then he waves his hand with a snort. "Lan Zhan! You’re really set on turning me into a puddle today, aren’t you? Alright, well, go on then. Finish it up. What’s the punchline this time?”

Lan Zhan swallows thickly. “There isn’t one.”

Silence, then:

“Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying croaks, and the next thing Lan Zhan feels is a set of lips pressing perfectly, warmly, impossibly close against his own.

THE END! (Picture of LWJ going “DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S ON THE MENU? ME N U” and WWX going “WHAT MENU”)

(ALSO BIG THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO SUPPLIED ME WITH THESE TASTY LINES! i wish i couldve used them all but alas i am not creative enough for some of these beauties https://twitter.com/wanlangjis/status/1296476525953515520