I’ve been on Twitter sharing science since I was in grad school. A PhD, 2 postdocs, & a staff position later — I am happy to report that I’VE DECIDED TO LEAVE ACADEMIA & RESEARCH!

I am known for my transparency, so I’m sharing here a bit of my soul & this decision…

1/n

I’ve always been open about my journey. About how I left my PhD the 1st time around because of racism, mentor abuse, & poor mental health. This experience was my the 1st ‘academic slap on the face’ as a young trainee and it still shapes how I see the academic system today.

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I got lucky, really lucky. I was able to join a different program & had the best PhD experience possible surrounded by great mentors @NCState. I am damn proud of my PhD bc I earned it while maintaining my mental health, not overworking myself to death, & was legit happy 24/7.

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I defended my PhD in 2016 and decided to follow the postdoc route. While I enjoy research, I did it mainly because it was the easiest route at that point. Plenty of positions around this area meant I didn’t have to move my family around. So I started my 1st postdoc @UNC...

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I had moments when I enjoyed it, yet 90% of the time I was just going w the flow. 1.5 years later, as I was preparing an F32 app, I realized that I didn’t want it. I felt guilty for the (slim) possibility of taking that opportunity away from someone who actually wanted it…

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At the same time, my family was going through hell. I almost lost both my parents due to cancer and depression, and I myself attempted at suicide. I needed to escape. I decided to hit the restart button, move across the country, and try the postdoc thing once again.

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And so we did! Moved to California to start a new journey at @ucdavis.

Moving is emotionally draining & it all sucked. 2 months in and I was already with a new therapist. I was sick of faking it — a tenure track position was never been my goal, I was just following the herd.

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Postdoc no 2 lasted <1 y, but my life had improved. We decided for my mom to move in w us to stabilize her depression and ease my stress of not having her close by.

She did amazing and so we all wanted to return back to NC. California was never going to be our home.

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We packed our stuff, rented an RV, and drove across the country back to NC. Bought a small house in the country and I’ve been the happiest lil dude alive here.

Now, I knew that TT was not for me, but perhaps research was still in me. That’s “all I know how to do” after all.

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Here I am, in my 30s and *FINALLY* being considered an employee with retirement benefits and the whole thing. Still an academic scientist BUT finally being treated as a real human!

Everything was going okay… till the pandemic/quarantine happened. My whole life changed…

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Spending so much time at home with those I love opened my eyes. It reminded me of the things I value the most in life. That life is too precious to be spending it in a career that doesn’t fulfill your soul. While at work, you are selling your finite time — choose wisely.

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During my training, I wasn’t there when mom and dad were diagnosed with cancer. I was running experiments while they were in chemo. I was ‘too busy’ writing papers while those I loved were suffering. This year my grandma died over the quarantine — we couldn’t say goodbye.

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So here I am today, soon leaving research and academia forever. I want to enjoy my life, I want to continue building memories with my family. I want to be there for them. I want to continue to enjoy nature, writing, and teaching. I’ll forever be a scientist at heart.

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Science is a way of thinking and problem solving. That will stay with me forever. I am grateful for all the great mentors and colleagues I’ve had during my 12 years in the system. I am thankful for my current mentor and PI, Dr. Cameron, for everything he has done for me.

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I am also grateful for those outside academia that have helped me navigate other venues. Twitter friends like @GertrudRey and @fenellasaunders for taking time out of their busy lives to coach me in the realm of non-academic careers: thank you!

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So, what’s next? I don’t know! I am taking one day at a time and only time will tell. I may pursue my passion for writing or I may end up grooming dogs for living. No matter what I decide to do, this time I’ll follow my heart. Science is a big part of me, but not who I am.

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tl:dr — follow your dreams, enjoy your life, & don’t neglect your family for a career. If academia is YOUR dream go for it. If you have doubts, start thinking about alternatives TODAY.

P. S. I’ll continue to tweet about viruses and cells till the day I die.

Love y’all.

17/fin