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Rule 1: it is exceedingly rare to encounter a clinical scenario in anaesthesia not improved by more propofol
This applies to both patients and midwives
This applies to both patients and midwives
Rule 2: in the unlikely event rule 1 is found to be untrue, it is almost always the fault of the surgeon. Be it excessive blood loss, taking too long to cause stimulation or simply by flirting too aggressively with the student nurse. Always their fault
Rule 3: if you can stick a tube in it, you should stick a tube in it
Rule 4: depth of awareness monitors are only useful for generating lottery ticket numbers
Rule 5: nearly everything in anaesthesia can, and should, be considered to be a double entendres
Rule 6: related to rule 5, do not try to out-smut your ODP. They will always be better at smut than you
Rule 7: do not tell the medics about remifentanil. They’ll want to use it for their sedation, and the U.K. does not have sufficient supply of naloxone if that happens
Rule 8: sugammadex use is a sign of failure, not strength
Rule 9: never try to convince a recovery nurse that the ETT you failed to remove is a new novel type of LMA and they should just take it out themselves
Rule 10: if you try that deep extubation on the child at the end of the list so you can go home early, they will go into laryngospasm and you will end up going home much later than if you’d just done it awake
