I have been reading tweets telling women to be brave and leave abusive marriages. People ask them to be strong & tell them that there’s no excuse for staying in a bad marriage.

Just think for one second. Why would anyone voluntarily stay in a bad marriage?
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Single women r considered failures at any age in our society.If a girl isn’t married by a certain age-we judge. If she is divorced-we judge. If she marries a younger guy-we judge. If a divorcee/widow decides to be a second wife-we judge. There is no option but to stay single
2/14

In a conversation with an educated aunty, I suggested a girl for her son. When she found out that the girl’s engagement had broken before, she scoffed and said
‘huh! My son doesn’t deserve a reject.’
And this is the reaction of every mother looking for a girl for her son.
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So my request to everyone is please have some empathy and don’t judge the helpless women who find it impossible to leave a bad marriage.
I will break down the reasons:

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•Family not supportive:
Most women have nowhere to go to. Our cruel society places such pressure on families that they refuse to listen to their daughters and the general response is, ‘put up with it’.
•Financial dependency:
They have no means of supporting themselves
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& even their families are unwilling to bear the expenses.
•Trying to save kids from a broken home;
Every woman has been taught that kids from broken homes end up with psychological issues & the presence of both parents is essential. Whereas this is definitely important
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statistics suggest that watching parents fight or watching their mothers being abused is psychologically much more damaging than the pain of parents divorcing.
•No confidence:
Unhappy/abusive marriages take a heavy toll psychologically-
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so they think they can never survive on their own & will not be able to give their children a stable life. They are so afraid that daily decision making becomes a challenge & by the end they have no confidence in themselves or their ability to make a rational decision.
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•Scared of stigma:
Divorced women are always blamed for a failed marriage. Talk to any man or woman, the misogyny is so deep rooted that they will place the burden of the unsuccessful marriage on a woman; ALWAYS.
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Character assassination, not being a good obedient wife, not being a good cook, or being too independent, there are hundreds of faults heaped on a woman. A divorced woman will always be looked down upon for ‘failing’.

Divorced men have NO Stigma attached to them.
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If you look around yourself, you will find divorced men get remarried instantly to unmarried girls; no one cares if they are mentally ill, abusive, or have other issues. They are men. No one even asks why they got divorced.
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•Scared of being alone/unmarried for the rest of her life:
A divorced man will get married within a few weeks of getting divorced. But a divorced woman is ‘tainted goods’ and hence most will never find any suitable proposals.
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An unmarried guy is off limits, a divorced guy will not consider a divorcee because he can get ‘fresh’ girls; if a divorced woman decides to be a second wife, her character is instantly under question. It is a no win situation.
13/14

I am a LUMS graduate with a supportive family. Whenever I mentioned that I wanted a divorce, my family stood by my side. Yet it took me 10 years to have the courage to face all my fears.
So don't judge: help wherever & whoever u can. Be kind.
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