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Been thinking about this for awhile now, guess it's time for me to start. I'm gonna make a thread of my life and my feelings for everyday starting from now on, I guess it's for my soulmate to read in the future
- 15/8/20
As of right now, I'm feeling really numb, stumbled upon a son titled "idk you yet" by Alexander23. It makes me wonder, what and how are you doing right now? Tbh I miss you, who ever you may be. I pray that you're doing well, and if you're not, tell me soon ok?
As of right now, I'm feeling really numb, stumbled upon a son titled "idk you yet" by Alexander23. It makes me wonder, what and how are you doing right now? Tbh I miss you, who ever you may be. I pray that you're doing well, and if you're not, tell me soon ok?
Wherever you may be my dear, your happiness is all I want and that's my main goal. The song made me think, whether we have met or we haven't met yet. Life is full of questions and problems too, but I hope you're doing fine boo <3.
- 16/8/20
Feeling kinda numb today, but I can for sure handle it. Tho I keep wondering, where are you now? How are you doing? Is everything okay? Have you eaten yet? How's school? Idrk but let me envision how's life gonna be with you.
Feeling kinda numb today, but I can for sure handle it. Tho I keep wondering, where are you now? How are you doing? Is everything okay? Have you eaten yet? How's school? Idrk but let me envision how's life gonna be with you.
- 17/8/20
Today was quite a hectic day to say the least. Some stuff happened and I'll refrence it as A-2 (just so I'll remember it in the future). It made me scared, remembered me of a traumatic event of the past, had to control myself from panicking.
Today was quite a hectic day to say the least. Some stuff happened and I'll refrence it as A-2 (just so I'll remember it in the future). It made me scared, remembered me of a traumatic event of the past, had to control myself from panicking.
As if that wasn't enough, after I got back from school, I went to sleep for about 4 hours? It was a deep sleep to say the least. The dreams that I had was, quite the experience. How did she enter my dream? Are the things you said in it was real?
Made me think of the journey that we went through ya know? We had like a formal talk in my dream, like an interview ? HAHAHAHAH it's weird 
and I won't go to details about it HAHAHAHA.
and I won't go to details about it HAHAHAHA.
Made me really think who are you, I miss you tho I don't know who you are
- 18/08/20
Had a really fun and exciting day to be honest. Everything went in accordance of lé plans. Tho I'm getting a little bit sick, due to sleep deprivation. It's hard to go to sleep when all you brain does is keeps on wondering and thinking about everything.
Had a really fun and exciting day to be honest. Everything went in accordance of lé plans. Tho I'm getting a little bit sick, due to sleep deprivation. It's hard to go to sleep when all you brain does is keeps on wondering and thinking about everything.
Dear soulmate, may we meet and I shall show you love more than what you've ever received. I'll see you soon sweetie.
- 19/08/20
My feelings are a bit messed up today? I don't really feel that well and someone decided to make it worse. Wallahi I'm not strong, but for Allah I have to be strong. As the day passes by, dear soulmate, I may not know your name nor do I know how u sound like
My feelings are a bit messed up today? I don't really feel that well and someone decided to make it worse. Wallahi I'm not strong, but for Allah I have to be strong. As the day passes by, dear soulmate, I may not know your name nor do I know how u sound like
But in God's name, I promise to cheer you every single day because I know how it feels to be taken for granted and only be searched for when needed. I don't understand why people play with other's feelings and when they are confronted because of their actions,
They often time get offended?? Like you made me feel this way and when I tell you you tryna blame me?? The time that I've given, the efforts that I've shown and all the sacrifices that I've done, you said you appreciate it, but that's utter bullshit. Let me say that.
It's only from your words, but in reality you don't really meant it. When you're at your lowest, tell me who lost their sleep to comfort you? Who gives you their time to make you happy? To make you smile? To make sure you're okay until you're a sleep? Tell me who?
But when I'm in that state, you don't even bet an eye for god sake. You act religious, talk like you know the deen really well but you can't even get the fundamentals straight. Get your shit together first stoopid. Ouh I accidentally ranted here HAHAHAHAHA.
Anyways dear soulmate, pleade don't do me this way, I've been hurt more than you know. Maybe because of the pain that I'm feeling and what I've went through will pay off when we meet? Because I know how to treat you right as long you reciprocate.
- 20/08/20
As if today, there's nothing much happening, no drama no nothing. Am just used to be with myself. So decided to continue my memorizing my studies, so far so good I guess. It's been a quiet day. Expecting something astonishing to come fr.
As if today, there's nothing much happening, no drama no nothing. Am just used to be with myself. So decided to continue my memorizing my studies, so far so good I guess. It's been a quiet day. Expecting something astonishing to come fr.
But nyeh I'mma end it there. Might type some more later. Take care !
- 21/08/20
Hey there, started today with a heartache as usual. You know what, time doesn't heal anything, you just get used to it. At this point I'm just feeling numb. But hey, that's life, you just have to cope with it no matter how hard it is.
Hey there, started today with a heartache as usual. You know what, time doesn't heal anything, you just get used to it. At this point I'm just feeling numb. But hey, that's life, you just have to cope with it no matter how hard it is.
Another thing that I just realized. People really aren't grateful. Rarely do they remember all of your sacrifices for them. Hereby I remind you to never prioritize anyone more than yourself. That may sound selfish and all, but you have to do it, for your own self.
For the sake of protecting your heart because in the end, you only have yourself. Those who promise to be with you in you lows? They just lying. Not all will do as what they promise. It's all just sweet promises don't be fooled.
In this day and age, I just have to make myself my number one priority because ain't nobody gonna care about me. Like what a quite once said "People only care if you're pretty, smart or dead". That's the truth, you can't argue with it.
For me, having a cold heart is the best plan of action because nobody ain't gonna take care of you nor your feelings. But hey that's life. It is what it is.
Stumbled upon this picture too.
Maybe this is a reminder for me and for you too. One day we'll meet and tell all of our tales and problems, and I'll be there passionately hearing everything that comes out from between your lips <3
Maybe this is a reminder for me and for you too. One day we'll meet and tell all of our tales and problems, and I'll be there passionately hearing everything that comes out from between your lips <3
- 22/08/20
Today was pretty hectic to say the least. The havoc that occured was horrific to say the least. The more you know the more complicated it gets. I learnt something today, it's Don't bark if you can't bite. You say stuff to people yet you can't really do it.
Today was pretty hectic to say the least. The havoc that occured was horrific to say the least. The more you know the more complicated it gets. I learnt something today, it's Don't bark if you can't bite. You say stuff to people yet you can't really do it.
You say you will do this and that, but you know you're incapable of doing it. Furthermore, people always act like they're the "thing", the best and aren't afraid of anything. Yet when the calamity strikes, they run away. Know you capability, don't say something you can't do.
Next is, know which scenario is worth the fight and which scenarios are just a waste of resources. Not everything is necessary to be fought for, hence in certain cases we just have to go with the flow. One more thing, a hater is always weak.
I'm just saying stuffs that are in my mind so don't bother me aye? HAHAHAHAH. Haters are always the weakest. They act big and strong just so they can convey a message to you, to show they're stronger than you, smarter than you but in reality, they aren't HAHAHA.
Don't waste your time thinking about them. You have something that they don't. Maybe it's your intelligence, maybe it's your wealth or maybe because they can't imitate you. They try to get into your mind, to make sure you're doing worst than them. You're better remember that.
- 23/08/20
Busy ku kan type woi, kn exam nnti ja ceta.
Busy ku kan type woi, kn exam nnti ja ceta.
- 24/08/20
So today was a day full of laughter I guess? HAHAHAHA. This one person that I despise so much has the audacity to talk to me. So here's the jizz. I'll refer to the person as "F". So F had a problem with me for months, and it really disturbed alot of us.
So today was a day full of laughter I guess? HAHAHAHA. This one person that I despise so much has the audacity to talk to me. So here's the jizz. I'll refer to the person as "F". So F had a problem with me for months, and it really disturbed alot of us.
So yesterday F decided to apologize. But me being myself, even before the fight started I said to a fewof my friends "Kan cri kelaie sama aku buleh, tpi nnti jgn sja mnyasal minta maaf" and look what happened zZzzz. I'll say this here, I don't accept it.
So F also fought with my other comrades and it messed with my friend's feelings and emotions. It traumatized the person so much and I'll never forgive F for that. F acted as if I accepted the apology, but I DON'T, I'LL SAY IT NOW, I DON'T AND I WON'T.
So F had the audacity to apologize to my other friend, and F said "aku dh minta maaf, up to kamu kn maafkan kh inda" BRUH IS THAT HOW YOU APOLOGIZE? REALLY? WITH SUCH ARROGANCE? and even said "aku dluar ndg cmtu di dalam baik" HAHAHAHHA U WOTT FAM?
BAIK? FR? U ACTED LIKE A FRICKING D*CK FOR WEEKS AND EVEN MONTHS AND U HAVE THE AUDACITY TO SAY THAT? HAHAHAHA U MUST BE JOKING ME. TALKING WITH SUCH ARROGANCE HAHAHAAH. How pathetic. U started it now you wanna act like we're the ones who hurt you 
Grow up kid. A "sorry" can't erase months worth of bullshit. I'll be the one to say, go f*ck yourself you're full of sh*t.
- 25/08/20
Some are worth the fight, but most don't. You are for yourself. I'm lost yet again.
Some are worth the fight, but most don't. You are for yourself. I'm lost yet again.
- 26/08/20
ESUK EXAAAM HUHHH
ESUK EXAAAM HUHHH
- 27/08/20
So today's exam was alhamdulilah, all praise be upon Him, the Al-Mighty Allah. Looking forward to Saturday's exam. May we all achieve success.
So today's exam was alhamdulilah, all praise be upon Him, the Al-Mighty Allah. Looking forward to Saturday's exam. May we all achieve success.
- 28&29/08/20
Apparently I forgot to tweet yesterday HAHAHAHAH SORRY I WAS TO BUSY MEMORIZING
ANYWAYS TODAY'S EXAM WASSS GOOOOOODD ALHAMDULILAH ALHAMDULILAH ALHAMDULILAH
Apparently I forgot to tweet yesterday HAHAHAHAH SORRY I WAS TO BUSY MEMORIZING
ANYWAYS TODAY'S EXAM WASSS GOOOOOODD ALHAMDULILAH ALHAMDULILAH ALHAMDULILAH
- 30/08/20
Haven't had the chance to talk about my feelings lately due to exams and stuffs that are currently happening. Most of the tweets above are just about dramas and stories. So I guess I'll talk more about how I'm feeling today.
Haven't had the chance to talk about my feelings lately due to exams and stuffs that are currently happening. Most of the tweets above are just about dramas and stories. So I guess I'll talk more about how I'm feeling today.
So life has been hard like how it's supposed to be. Sometimes you just need someone who'll be mentally and sometimes physically push you and motivate you. But when you really ponder upon it, you literally have no one.
You are for yourself. Never prioritize anyone before you. If there's an option whether to save someone or to save yourself, always choose you. As selfish as it sounds, but that's the hard reality. My feelings are zero to null. Do I have someone in mind? Ofcourse.
Do I have someone that I really want? I do. But I'd rather keep it to myself. Time will reveal whether what I'm doing is right or wrong. Does it hurt longing for someone? Absolutely. But as time passes by, you'll cope with it. That's a hard lesson to learn, the ability to adapt.
- 31/08/20
What a gloomy, sad and depressing day. Tho I might answer my exams with confidence, but everything after that are quite complicated. How I wish you're here to accompany me when you said you'll be with me, by my side forever.
What a gloomy, sad and depressing day. Tho I might answer my exams with confidence, but everything after that are quite complicated. How I wish you're here to accompany me when you said you'll be with me, by my side forever.
Let the bell ring and let the calvary choirs sing, and hence tell the world that I'm hurting.
- 1/09/20
A new month heh? But I still can't think of anything else other than you. Where are you now? How's life? I pray for your happiness and well-being all the time sweetheart. Take care of yourself please. Drink water and don't forget to read something today, with love <3.
A new month heh? But I still can't think of anything else other than you. Where are you now? How's life? I pray for your happiness and well-being all the time sweetheart. Take care of yourself please. Drink water and don't forget to read something today, with love <3.
- 02/09/20
A tragic day yet again, sometimes what you wish for shall not be granted. But it's okay, that's life. No matter how hard it is, never give up my love. You are always under the protection of the Al-Mighty Merciful Allah.
A tragic day yet again, sometimes what you wish for shall not be granted. But it's okay, that's life. No matter how hard it is, never give up my love. You are always under the protection of the Al-Mighty Merciful Allah.
- 03/09/20
Forgot to tweet about yesterday. So cutie, I still am confused and heart broken. It's such a hard journey without you. Oh how geart would it be if you're with me through this rough times.
Forgot to tweet about yesterday. So cutie, I still am confused and heart broken. It's such a hard journey without you. Oh how geart would it be if you're with me through this rough times.
- 04/09/20
In the morning of 04/09, what a historic date. A moment of silence for me. The 4th of each month means a lot to me. It's really a date that forever will mean the most to me. So soulmate, I hope you understand why I mourn every 4th of each month.
In the morning of 04/09, what a historic date. A moment of silence for me. The 4th of each month means a lot to me. It's really a date that forever will mean the most to me. So soulmate, I hope you understand why I mourn every 4th of each month.
- 05/09/20
As of today, the examination was alhamdulilah easy. Had the audacity to ask my English teacher in regards of my paper 1 marks, since I wrote around 900+ words but the required amount was around 500 HAHAHAHA. So the teacher said most of it was great.
As of today, the examination was alhamdulilah easy. Had the audacity to ask my English teacher in regards of my paper 1 marks, since I wrote around 900+ words but the required amount was around 500 HAHAHAHA. So the teacher said most of it was great.
I wrote with so much wisdom HAHAHA. I can literally write a book with what I've wrote in that exam HAHAHAHA. With such great grammars and some rarely used words. The full mark is 40 and I asked for 41 HAHAHAHA HOW I WISH THAT WAS POSSIBLE.
And today me and my comrades had a meal outside of school. To be honest I needed that, I needed to some what travel outside of the school compound. My days had literally been like going to school and going back home. So that was some how a stress reliever for me.
The experience of eating out with them mademe think, how would we be if we were to have a date soon? HAHAHAHA. I'll absolutely make it as awkward as humanly as possible HAHAHAHAH. I'm still waiting for you my dear. Soon we'll do so much stuff together.
-06/09/20 
What a hectic day. Started the day feeling really depressed and with a thought of e*nding it all. It got to a point where I cant even control myself from crying. I just had enough of everything for some reason. I kept too much with myself and I knew I needed help.
What a hectic day. Started the day feeling really depressed and with a thought of e*nding it all. It got to a point where I cant even control myself from crying. I just had enough of everything for some reason. I kept too much with myself and I knew I needed help.
So long story short, called up the 145 tal*an harap*n. Got answered by the staffs there, she's a doctor I guess or some mental expert. Started the conversation very casual not much happening whilst I was holding myself back from busting to tears.
She asked: Apa yang boleh saya bantu (or sum like that)
I replied : ada yang for the mental support kh ni?
Of which she replied : ia sudah ni tuan.
So conversation starts and I started to cry slowly, it's hard to hold yourself back tbvh. She asked what happened
I replied : ada yang for the mental support kh ni?
Of which she replied : ia sudah ni tuan.
So conversation starts and I started to cry slowly, it's hard to hold yourself back tbvh. She asked what happened
And am I in a safe place. To which I replied yes. I told her what I was going through and she gave some solid advice. But at some point in the call I just can't hold it anymore. I cried.
And she said : it's okay to cry sometimes you know?
And she said : it's okay to cry sometimes you know?
She reassured me and I just can't stop from crying. She told me to take a deep breath and let it go. So I told some details and she was really really helpful based on my experience. I bottled too much emotion and was experiencing so much pressure.
And yeah I guess it calmed me down a lil bit? Just a little because I still to this point don't have any motivation to do anything. I tried pushing myself slowly to do some memorizations tho I still can't. It's really helpful to be able to let out some stuffs
And having someone who hears all of my struggles and hardship. I won't say it solved my problem nor cured anything. I'm hypothetically saying that it's some kind of stress reliever. That's all for today I guess.
- 07/09/20
Today was really a traumatizing and a miserable day. How I wished today never existed. The search continues, dear soulmate are you there? I can't wait to give a of my love for you. All this hurtful situations made me understand how important it is to
Today was really a traumatizing and a miserable day. How I wished today never existed. The search continues, dear soulmate are you there? I can't wait to give a of my love for you. All this hurtful situations made me understand how important it is to
Show love and affection towards someone. How one little thing can make or break their day. How a good morning text and a how are you doing really impacts someone. I guess I am weak, but I'll be stronf for you my dear ')
- 08/09/20
What a day, surely with every hardship there's ease. For each drop of tear they shall be a pay off. Scored a 99/100 for النحو, I am forever grateful for this. But hey today wasn't that bad I guess? If it's to be compared to the past week, today is nothing.
What a day, surely with every hardship there's ease. For each drop of tear they shall be a pay off. Scored a 99/100 for النحو, I am forever grateful for this. But hey today wasn't that bad I guess? If it's to be compared to the past week, today is nothing.
But Alhamdulilah thuma Alhamdulilah thuma Alhamdulilah. I can't express my sense of gratitude enough. Alhamdulilah alla kulli hal. But the search continues, to answer my life's biggest question, where's my soulmate '). I wanna celebrate this day with you 
- 09/09/20
Save me from this hell. I'm begging you.
Save me from this hell. I'm begging you.
- 10/09/20
These words that are left unsaid are bothering the hell outta me. Hey you yes you I f*coming like you ! hey you, you're kinda annoying ! Hey you, you're beautiful !
That's all :)
These words that are left unsaid are bothering the hell outta me. Hey you yes you I f*coming like you ! hey you, you're kinda annoying ! Hey you, you're beautiful !
That's all :)
- 11&12/09/20
It be like that sometimes. Nothing major happened as yet since yesterday. But the feeling of void inside of me is getting out of control. My baby gurl, how exciting would it be to spend this holiday with you. Come here where ever you are ')
It be like that sometimes. Nothing major happened as yet since yesterday. But the feeling of void inside of me is getting out of control. My baby gurl, how exciting would it be to spend this holiday with you. Come here where ever you are ')
- 13&14/09/20
Been really depressed since yesterday. I can't be bothered to type anything. My head has been filled with so much thoughts but I'm yet to write any of it.
Been really depressed since yesterday. I can't be bothered to type anything. My head has been filled with so much thoughts but I'm yet to write any of it.
- 15&16/09/20
Life is pain. I didn't have the audacity nor the power to write anything since yesterday. All that I had in mind was about how can I cope with this type of pain. It has been with me for a long time. How I wish I can disappear.
Life is pain. I didn't have the audacity nor the power to write anything since yesterday. All that I had in mind was about how can I cope with this type of pain. It has been with me for a long time. How I wish I can disappear.
- 17/09/20
It's a sad day for me to say the least. Been busy doing past year papers to distract myself from being depressed. It helps because I've devoted my energy towards something that doesn't require any emotions. Hope your day is well.
It's a sad day for me to say the least. Been busy doing past year papers to distract myself from being depressed. It helps because I've devoted my energy towards something that doesn't require any emotions. Hope your day is well.
- 18/09/20
I don't know what or how I am feeling anymore
I don't know what or how I am feeling anymore
- 19/09/20
It's a cheerful day to say the least everything was fine and fun, spent my day with my comrades and the night with my cuzzys, an overall great day.
It's a cheerful day to say the least everything was fine and fun, spent my day with my comrades and the night with my cuzzys, an overall great day.
- 20/09/20
Tbh it's kinda hard for me to express everything here, that's why I have another account where I let it all out. So basically here's just a few about how's everything really is. All that I can say is, today is such a terrible day for me. I don't know what's happening.
Tbh it's kinda hard for me to express everything here, that's why I have another account where I let it all out. So basically here's just a few about how's everything really is. All that I can say is, today is such a terrible day for me. I don't know what's happening.
I can't get my mind straight. Too much stuffs messed with me. I really don't wanna be alive for today. I want to die.
- 21/09/20
So I had a mental breakdown last night, I told someone about it. The person comforted me and I'll forver thank that person because I really needed the extra help. Tho the text is yesterday's, but I'll count it as today's post.
So I had a mental breakdown last night, I told someone about it. The person comforted me and I'll forver thank that person because I really needed the extra help. Tho the text is yesterday's, but I'll count it as today's post.
- 22/09/20
Feeling numb as usual. I really wanna end it all.
Feeling numb as usual. I really wanna end it all.
- 23/09/20
Happy teachers day. Thank you to those who teach me why I shouldn't care about them. Thank you for teaching me what pain is. Thank you for teaching me what fake love is. Thank you for teaching me how not to act towards someone who loves me.
Happy teachers day. Thank you to those who teach me why I shouldn't care about them. Thank you for teaching me what pain is. Thank you for teaching me what fake love is. Thank you for teaching me how not to act towards someone who loves me.
Low and behold, even after I showed someone love and affection they still treat me like shi*. Some are just so pathetic. I took care of you more than myself. I was with you on your lowest yet this is what you do to me ?
It doesn't make any sense to me
It doesn't make any sense to me
How someone who's genuinely there for you and proves from time to time to be there for you gets hurt and treated as if they haven't done anything good to you.
ويل ويل ويل لك
ويل ويل ويل لك
- 24/09/20
Was a confusing day, had to calm down myself so decided not to write anything.
Was a confusing day, had to calm down myself so decided not to write anything.
- 25/09/20
Went out with my bros, what a fun day to say the least. Had a great meal at pizzahut and ended up buying some desserts from DQ, it was totally unplanned. So was our trip, we didn't know what to buy but decided to buy some socks for our beloved teachers.
Went out with my bros, what a fun day to say the least. Had a great meal at pizzahut and ended up buying some desserts from DQ, it was totally unplanned. So was our trip, we didn't know what to buy but decided to buy some socks for our beloved teachers.
I do really hope they would wear and love it HAHAHAHAHA BECAUSE WE SPENT QUITE A LOT OF MONEY ±$100 AND WE SPENT AROUND 9 HOURS AT THE MALL HAHAHAHAHA. TODAAAY WAASSS FUNNNNN.
- 26/09/20
Day by day, people prove to me that I should just rely on myself and never help nor give a fuck about anyone else because in the end it's just my by myself for myself in the darkest of days. Even when I helped so many beings in the lowest, none were there for me
Day by day, people prove to me that I should just rely on myself and never help nor give a fuck about anyone else because in the end it's just my by myself for myself in the darkest of days. Even when I helped so many beings in the lowest, none were there for me
Even in the smallest type of test. The calamity is yet to strike but it shows that there's really nobody for me. I hereby swear that I'm done helping anyone in any situation. Fuck you and fuck everything about you.
- 27/09/20
Who would've known today would be the end of this thread. I apologize for any hurtful word or swear word that I've typed. To whom it may concern, no I've not found the one, but it's the end of my journey in this world.
May you all be blessed.
Who would've known today would be the end of this thread. I apologize for any hurtful word or swear word that I've typed. To whom it may concern, no I've not found the one, but it's the end of my journey in this world.
May you all be blessed.
