As a woman, place love and respect side by side and I will choose RESPECT.

Over time, I have realised that people have different understanding of what love is. Many years ago, I told a story of a girl I stayed with for few nights and how the boyfriend beat her up badly.

I told that story on Facebook. She said Jeff loved her because after beating her, he bought her chicken.

Jeff on the other hand, also thought he loved her and the beating was to correct her when she misbehaved.

So, this is one of the ways people express love to their partners- beat her when she does something wrong, apologise later and say "imakwa na o maka ihe imere adighi nma, ma ahukwara m gi n' anya."

Jeff and this girl can swear they loved each other.

Most abusers excuse their abuse as love. However, they will stammer before they will agree they did that out of respect. That is if they agree at all.

Respect conveys reverence.

Someone may not necessarily love you but may respect you.

No one I have seen, beats you up and tells you they did it out of respect. That means there is this central thing everyone understands about respect.

Personally, I don't agree anyone who doesn't respect me loves me.

I don't see anyone who tries to hurt me as one who respects me and therefore doesn't love me.

If you respect me, it will show in how you treat me and that translates to me as love.

Don't you think the society knows this when they say "what men need is respect while women need love"?

Dear women, choose respect over love. If that man doesn't show he respects you and claims he loves you, reconsider that relationship.

Someone will not rape you and claim they respect you. (Sex without CONSENT is rape).

Someone will not hit you and claim they respect you.

Someone will not push you and your child out in the cold of the night and claim they respect you.

Someone will not emotionally abuse you and claim they respect you.

Someone will not verbally abuse you and claim they respect you.

Someone will not slutshame you and say they respect you.

Add all the crimes and wrongdoings you know and tell me if anyone will do that and tell you they respect you?

Men know this and they chose respect over love.

Let's even assume different people also understands respect differently.

STILL, each interpretation also carries reverence and excludes abuse.

This is what I mean. A man who chooses respect knows with respect, you won't hit him nor insult him. The excesses might be telling you not to oppose anything he says as a way of showing respect.

YET, his interpretation shows the basic elements just like every other interpretation of respect.

Remember: Ideally, love should encompass respect, loyalty etc. Since we are not in an ideal world, women must choose what ensures their self preservation. Have a good weekend.