i’m so bad at venting to the one person who my mother (because i don’t have a source of income) pays for me to vent to.

therapy is eh. unmasking is impossible. i desperately need helping, without feeling like i’m a burden. but from someone who understands me.

a friendapist?

i swear i’m spiraling ngl lmaoooo

i think if there’s a song that encapsulates the vibes of this latest low in my mental health, it’s “artifice” by @SOHN: https://open.spotify.com/track/6AYrHFx4DQxdUQeSmAzNYr?si=isMk1jV_R2yAjIcGzev8Gw

take two of talking to my therapist...or trying to...

my brain: *has memorized every single traumatic moment, even from 5+ years ago*

also my brain: *can’t remember what i did this past week and bluescreens in front of my therapist when she asks what i’ve been up to*

i have gotten so used to people on social media saying “that’s not real trauma,” “not every bad interaction is abusive,” “don’t exaggerate,” not even at me, but in general,

that i’ve been self-gaslighting, telling myself the very real trauma and abuse i’ve experienced isn’t real

it’s very mentally ill of me to put all my mentally ill thoughts in one long thread

guess who has two thumbs and keeps forgetting she should never have caffeine ever!!

yes, i know only one thumb is up

i’ve started absentmindedly scratching myself with my very long, sharp nails whenever i think about my Traumatic Memories and that is bad