It's time for my regular thread on mental health. Before I begin, I would like to present exhibit A: The fact that the *retail* cost of Latuda is $1500 BUT with *Latuda's own* script card, I can get it for $15. 1/many

My APRN and I talked earlier this week about putting me on, he flat out asked me how good my insurance was (it's really fucking great) and if it wasn't that great, could I afford to spend upwards of $500+ a month for Latuda until I hit my deductible. Thankfully, I can. 2/many

He directed me to Latuda's website to sign up for their pharmacy card to get it cheaper and I did - $15/mo. Why the fuck not just sell it for $15? (yes, I know, insurance, etc).

Problem one: Cost of needed drugs in America. Also see: insulin.

As many of you know, I'm bipolar 1 (mania) and I've been stable for about 5 years (maybe a dozen cycles in that time). Something has gone *off* on my current psych meds and I've been rapid cycling for the last 6 or so weeks. This means I'm SUPER UP and then crashing down. 4/many

In the past, the mania would last for days and sometimes weeks and then the crash would happen. Time would go by and the cycle would start over. Not this time. I'm up/down several times a day. It is taking every ounce of engery and brain power to present as "normal." 5/many

This is functioning in a reasonable matter at work, hygiene, eating (over or under), interact with the public (driving, walking, services). It is fucking exhausting. I have started using lunch hours as power naps to finish out my work day to try and balance the crashes. 6/many

*MY* fear is my primary bipolar drug, Lamictal, is starting wane. I'm on the highest dosage and getting off of it could take weeks. Getting off of it too fast can cause serious medical problems. Swapping out drugs is FUCKING AWFUL. No idea how you're going to react. 7/many

I've endangered myself, others, fucked up at jobs, spent THOUSANDS on crap, moved house beyond often to name a few lovely actions. Rage also piggybacks on my mania so that's been fun! I 8/many

I cannot figure out what is tripping this cycling. Drugs haven't changed. We were already four months into THE WORLD ENDING, very little work stress. no broken or fractured relationships (that I know of). NO FUCKING IDEA. 9/many

Not knowing and how to address it is awful. You can't mediate, necessarily exercise, or really do anything to help manage this other than just wait. I'm awful at waiting.

I'll come back to this thread later. Writing it out is exhausting.

10/many