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Rating Chelsea FC players out of 10 on attractiveness (THREAD):
Kepa Arrizabalaga: 5/10
Like his goalkeeping, his looks are quite bland and underwhelming.
Like his goalkeeping, his looks are quite bland and underwhelming.
Antonio Rudiger: 6/10
One of those guys who can look very attractive one moment and then absolutely disgusting the next.
One of those guys who can look very attractive one moment and then absolutely disgusting the next.
Marcos Alonso: 8/10
Some say his looks can kill, I’d have to agree, at times drop dead gorgeous.
Some say his looks can kill, I’d have to agree, at times drop dead gorgeous.
Andreas Christensen: 4/10
Danish mid.
Danish mid.
Jorginho: 4/10
Has the build and the footballing ability of a small Italian woman.
Has the build and the footballing ability of a small Italian woman.
N’Golo Kante: 5/10
Would like to give him more points solely because of his smile, but alas.
Would like to give him more points solely because of his smile, but alas.
Ross Barkley: 6/10
Could be described as conventially attractive, but looks too dumb and English for my taste.
Could be described as conventially attractive, but looks too dumb and English for my taste.
Tammy Abraham: 8/10
Exudes drip and charisma. His smile lights up the pitch.
Exudes drip and charisma. His smile lights up the pitch.
Time Werner: 7/10
Gone back and forth on him because he talks like he just learned how but this is about looks so I have to be impartial
Gone back and forth on him because he talks like he just learned how but this is about looks so I have to be impartial
Ruben Loftus-Cheek: 10/10
Might genuinely be one of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen. Makes me question my sexuality every time he takes the pitch.
Might genuinely be one of the most attractive people I’ve ever seen. Makes me question my sexuality every time he takes the pitch.
Willy Cabellero: 4/10
Bald.
Bald.
Kurt Zouma: 5/10
Looks like that Jemz guy but he’s kinda cute on occasion.
Looks like that Jemz guy but he’s kinda cute on occasion.
Mateo Kovacic: 7/10
Human fidget spinner? More like human fidget STUNNER
Human fidget spinner? More like human fidget STUNNER
Olivier Giroud: 10/10
Lord have mercy je dégouline
Lord have mercy je dégouline
Mason Mount: 7/10
Can’t stand his hair but he’s a nice looking Englishman
Can’t stand his hair but he’s a nice looking Englishman
Callum Hudson-Odoi: 9/10
Sources tell me Bayern were only interested in his looks. Another Chelsea baddie
Sources tell me Bayern were only interested in his looks. Another Chelsea baddie
Christian Pulisic: 8/10
The future of world football is really hot
The future of world football is really hot
Michy Batshuayi: 7/10
Was gonna give him a 6 until I saw the massive cake he’s working with in this picture
Was gonna give him a 6 until I saw the massive cake he’s working with in this picture
Reece James: 9/10
An absolute tank of a man I’m in awe of this physique
An absolute tank of a man I’m in awe of this physique
Fikayo Tomori: 8/10
Another example of Chelsea’s black excellence
Another example of Chelsea’s black excellence
César Azpilicueta: 5/10
Nothing to write home about, Captain mid
Nothing to write home about, Captain mid
Emerson Palmieri: 6/10
He looks okay. I’d let him date my daughter if he wasn’t such a horrible player
He looks okay. I’d let him date my daughter if he wasn’t such a horrible player
Billy Gilmour: 5/10
Looks exactly what you’d expect a Scottish teenager to look like
Looks exactly what you’d expect a Scottish teenager to look like
Hakim Ziyech: 7/10
Not conventionally attractive but looked real sexy when he did that shoulder shrug against us in the CL
Not conventionally attractive but looked real sexy when he did that shoulder shrug against us in the CL
(Honorable Mention) Frank Lampard: 8/10
Papa Frank looks hot in a suit which makes me furious that he doesn’t wear one on the touchline. Also might need a hair transplant soon apparently
Papa Frank looks hot in a suit which makes me furious that he doesn’t wear one on the touchline. Also might need a hair transplant soon apparently
(Honorable Mention) Marina Granovskaia: 10/10
Need her to step on my neck if this Havertz deal goes through
Need her to step on my neck if this Havertz deal goes through
(Honorable Mention) Roman Abramovich: 10/10
Was going to give him a 5 but saw a mysterious red dot on my chest so I gave him a couple extra points
Was going to give him a 5 but saw a mysterious red dot on my chest so I gave him a couple extra points
So ends the single biggest waste of my precious time on Earth
