this looks like the beginning of a straight bait porn where somehow both parties got baited https://twitter.com/hourlynmgi/status/1294366859404484609

i'm still thinking about this because it's incredibly funny to me, how long do they awkwardly sit there before one of them's finally like, "...i don't think that girl's coming back"

okay wait, canon compliant, still early days, right when they're first starting to get attention, namgi suddenly receive a Threesome Opportunity, but it turns out it was a PRANK and that girl is definitely not coming back to have sex with them

"this is my fault," namjoon says sadly, "i was too aggressive. i wanted it too bad."

"i mean, looking back now, with perspective, she never had any intention of going through with it from the start," yoongi says sagely (perspective is relative, "the start" was like an hour ago)

"you did want it super bad though," yoongi concedes, "it was embarrassing. you were ready to agree to stuff WAY too quickly." negotiations on what contact would actually occur between namjoon and yoongi in this encounter had been lengthy and mostly carried out by yoongi

they'd agreed to kissing and maybe some light dick touching which was something yoongi was aggressively trying not to think about now that the whole thing was off and it was just the two of them sitting awkwardly on a hotel bed doing a post-mortem on the situation

"you're lucky hyung was here, you're so horny it's destroyed your sense of self-preservation. like were you actually going to suck my dick? because you seemed really ready to agree to suck my dick. what was your plan there? have you ever sucked ANY dick before?"

"well no," namjoon said glumly.

"so you were just gonna shove a dick in your mouth for the first time in front of a girl you wanted to impress and hope for the best?" yoongi asks incredulously. this kid. he still sometimes can't believe he actually likes him now

"i don't know," namjoon says, "i didn't think girls cared if you had good *blow job skills*."

yoongi rolls his eyes. "well no girl's gonna think it's sexy to watch you be bad at something."

"i wouldn't have been bad at it! it can't be that hard to suck a dick! i have a dick!"

"well it's not like it's hard, but like, it takes a few tries to get good at it, you've gotta figure out how to breathe, you've gotta figure out what to do with your hands..."

yoongi realizes that namjoon is staring at him.

"what?"

"you've sucked a dick before."

"i...yes?" yoongi says in confusion, "you knew that already...i told you i was bisexual like the first week we met."

"well yeah, but i didn't know you were like, bisexual bisexual."

yoongi sighs deeply and settles in for a Lecture to a Straight Boy. "joon what the fuck?"

"no! i know you're bisexual! i just didn't know you'd actually done anything about it. i thought you were like...theoretically bisexual."

"uh huh," yoongi says unimpressed.

"plenty of people have thoughts about same sex attraction and don't get the opportunity to act on them!"

"what people?"

"i don't know," joon says. he seems cagey. "a lot of people. probably."

yoongi feels like they might be talking about something different than they were at the beginning of this conversation.

"honestly you're being really mean about this," joon says petulantly, "we're working all the time. how was i supposed to know you've apparently been sucking dicks left and right?"

yoongi had sucked about three dicks back in daegu and none since, but that wasn't joon's business

yoongi puts a hand on namjoon's shoulder and starts speaking with his hyung voice. "well you should listen to me then, huh? because you clearly don't know anything about it and what are you going to do when we're in this situation again, but for real?"

"do you really think we're going to be in this situation again?" namjoon says skeptically, "because if anything this whole thing has led me to believe that i've been way too optimistic about how much sex being an idol was going to net me."

"joon-ah, don't say that, look at how good we've been doing lately," yoongi says assuringly, "if it keeps up, so many girls are going to want to have sex with us. and probably some of them will want to have sex with more than one of us at once. just statistically."

yoongi can see the wheels turning in joon's head. "i mean, you're right. i think we're on track to be nearly as popular as big bang. and big bang must get so many threesome offers. and there's only 5 of them! there's 7 of us! mathematically that's way more potential threesomes!"

some of their members are still much too young to comfortably be in a threesome with right now, but joon's on a roll so yoongi doesn't bother pointing that out. "exactly," he says, "so let hyung teach you how to suck a dick. so you're ready."

"yeah," joon says, then immediately, "wait. did you just trick me into sucking your dick?"

"you already wanted to suck my dick," yoongi points out.

"no i didn't!" joon sputters, "that was just to impress a girl!"

"we'll have a lesson on what girls actually find impressive another time," yoongi says, "but what i was actually thinking was that i would suck *your* dick so you would have an example and then you could try on me."

"oh," joon says. he looks a little flushed, "yeah i...yeah."

"yeah? you sure?" yoongi says, softly moving his hands to joon's belt buckle. joon's looking at him like he's a little shellshocked and he's already starting to get hard. "has anyone actually sucked your dick before?" he asks a little more gently.

"of course they have!" joon says, "how can you even ask me that? i gave you a full play by play of the night i lost my virginity."

"you sure did, even though i repeatedly told you to shut the fuck up," yoongi says, "i didn't hear anything about your dick going in a mouth though"

"it happened a different night," joon insists, "if you didn't have to tell me about all the dicks you've sucked then i didn't have to tell you about all the times mine got sucked."

"oh all the times," yoongi says. he's finished unbuckling the belt and he's undoing his jeans

"i'm glad to know you've received so many blow jobs. you'll be able to appreciate my skills then since your such a generous patron of the dick sucking arts."

"you're talking a big game for someone who hasn't even gotten my pants unzipped."

yoongi puts his hand on the zipper, but doesn't pull down. "you also going down on those girls who've been going down on you?"

"of course," joon says looking a little offended, "i listen when you and jin hyung tell me things."

"no you don't," yoongi laughs, "but, good boy."

"i do when it's important," joon says as his eyes lock onto the image of yoongi pulling his zipper down.

"hmm," yoongi says and reaches into joon's pants to cup his hand around his rapidly hardening cock.

"fuck," joon gasps.

"you gonna last long enough for me to even get your dick in my mouth?" yoongi teases.

"shut up," joon whines, "i hate you so much."

yoongi giggles and slides down to the floor. "come on, help me take your pants off."

"are you not just gonna pull my dick out?" joon asks.

"i mean, i can i guess," yoongi says, "but you're gonna be more comfortable with your pants off. do you not want me to see you naked? because i was definitely going to see you naked anyway had the threesome gone through"