Here is a small thread on power.

I think the academy has never really dealt with its emphases on structural prestige, especially as well-educated people become more and more precarious. It’s clear to ME, as someone who had no prestige (public school!) then a LOT of prestige and then none again that this is true.

I am very aware of the friendships that I lost when I got a job. In part, this was because of a horrible ethical breech by someone I was close to, but it also falls to me— I lost touch with people, especially people not in the academy, when I moved west.

But I am more aware of the friendships I gained. Almost immediately, people wanted to be my friend. They wanted to hear what I had to say. In some cases, they wanted more personal things from me (!!). The vast bulk of those people disappeared after I lost my job.

The circumstances around my job ending are very painful, but one day I will be clear about what happened on my end. I have receipts, so I’m pretty aware of how specific personal choices led to my failure.

But I also have kept a good clear tally of the people who suddenly went dark. It is very easy to be comforted by the glow that prestige brings and to think it is actual power.

But the fact is it’s both a crap shoot and a world where nepotism still rules the day. I sat on search committees, I know how important advisors and letters are. It’s so hard for everyone in the lower ranks right now.

But we must also be very careful not to forget that prestige isn’t real. I’m the same scholar I was before I left my job. I think I’m a better scholar, in fact! I work faster and looser, and the block that I had when I couldn’t get pregnant is gone.

I’d love to teach again. I was good at it. I am still writing and contributing to knowledge. But the academy is not clear-sighted about how it’s logic of merit alloyed to prestige is inflicting pain on many, many people who weren’t as lucky as I was.

Also, I love the true blue intellectual friends I have made over the years. I am grateful for the engagement and rigor with which I am read, and I hope I can be as good a reader for you.

The institution won’t love you back.

(PS: it’s easy to explain this w excuses prestige loves: I didn’t deserve it, didn’t do good work, or I somehow sucked, but my dept did vote me forward, and I have no real beef there. It’s good to remember you don’t know the whole story!)