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So, there are 2 reasons I think the facilitator didn’t want me to quit. 1. Just in general, facilitators want to start and end with the same group. I don’t think that’s specific to me. 26/
2. (Excuse my modesty) I was really a great fkn group member. I would ask good questions. I would remind people to have compassion for themselves. I’d be the first to grab the tissue if someone stopped crying. If somebody got interrupted, I would follow up their thought. 27/
If somebody didn’t finish what they were saying 1 week, at the start of the next week, I would ask them if they wanted to finish up or if their situation got resolved. For real. A great group member. I truly cared about the other people in my group. Facilitator knew that. 28/
I really didn’t want to come back. But the facilitator said “Jide, fine, I can’t make you come back and finish the group, but you can at least come to one more session and explain yourself” 29/
I didn’t really want to do that but the facilitator, knowing me somewhat well, pulled my card. They pointed out that lots of times, I run from shit rather than face it 30/
And this is also something that also stems from being Black. I really rarely ever engage in conflict outside of my family or friends. For me, the stakes always felt too high. Argument -> confrontation-> white tears -> me being arrested or being killed. 31/
This is really what goes through my mind and why a lot of the time I don’t engage. It feels too dangerous and risky. Even now, sometimes, a cashier will try me or a restauarant will fuck up my order, and I’ll just take it rather than stand up for myself. It’s not worth it. 32/
Facilitator explained that this was a chance to stand up for myself. Facilitator was right. I decided to come back to one more session and at least explain myself. Some of my close friends also told me the same. 33/
Fast forward to the next group session. I’m nervous as hell. Idk what’s about to happen but the facilitator gives me the floor to start. I explain that this is my last session because I no longer feel safe in this group. 34/
They ask me why and I explain. This man (talking about the white dude) voted for Donald Trump. He is a racist and he supported a literal Nazi. I do not feel safe enough to share my thoughts and feelings with him. He is not a safe person for my Black self to be around. 35/
Old boy was maaaaad! He turned red. Got up. Stomped towards the door like he was about to leave. “I can’t believe you said that.”
I was like “don’t let the door hit ya” 36/
I was like “don’t let the door hit ya” 36/
He came back. He sat down. He gave his weak ass reason for voting for Trump. I was like “yea sure, I think you’re a racist and a Nazi” 37/
At this point, all the other white people in the room, and I really mean all, including the facilitator, were like “No Jide, please don’t go” but it’s clear to me that they didn’t really understand that I HAD TO GO. It wasn’t really a choice. 38/
Now, in this group, the other Black dude was generally pretty quiet. And tbh, I wasn’t really sure how much he really was down for the culture. Once again, he didn’t speak much. 39/
But dear reader, my brother (yes, I said my BROTHER) looked me square in my fkn eye, and was like “Dude, I understand, do what you gotta do. As a Black person, you gotta protect yourself and I support you.” 40/
For the rest of my life, I will remember the kinship I felt in that moment. And his words solidified for me that I was doing the right thing by leaving. But also, that I did the right thing by coming back and standing up for my fkn self. 41/
At the end of that session, I said goodbye and hugged my friends and facilitator. I shook white dude’s hand and wished him a happy life. And I left that room knowing that I wasn’t gonna come back. And honestly, I’ve never felt so good in my life. 42/
I left that room with my head held up high, knowing that 1. even though I didn’t really want to, I confronted this man and the world didn’t end and 2. for the rest of his life, he knows that a Black person called him racist right to his face. 43/
I don’t really know how to end this thread but I’ll end it with three things.
1. Black people: TRUST. YOUR. INSTINCTS.
Like I said, I sensed something was off from Day 1. Now it all makes sense. It wasn’t me. It was never me. It was always fkn him. 44/
1. Black people: TRUST. YOUR. INSTINCTS.
Like I said, I sensed something was off from Day 1. Now it all makes sense. It wasn’t me. It was never me. It was always fkn him. 44/
2. Please don’t read this and say “fuck therapy.” Even in this experience, I learned and gained so much! If you haven’t yet had the opportunity, please try therapy. It could save your life one day. 45/
3.
