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I don’t usually tell this story publicly but fuck it. I’m gonna be as vulnerable as I’ve ever been on here. 1/
Throughout my 5 years of graduate school, I dealt with a lot of personal stuff (some of it, admittedly, my own fault) and decided to get different types of mental health support. One of those supports was group therapy. 2/
Overall, my experience in group therapy was EXTREMELY positive. I met some dope ass people, made some new friends, and I got to learn so much about myself. I learned how to better interact with other people. 3/
I was also able to get to the root of alot of my serious problems with the help of the facilitator and other members. I really think group made me a better person. Overall, very very positive. 10/10 would recommend. 4/
However, my last group therapy experience was not as positive as my other experiences. And this is the story I’m telling you today. 5/
In this iteration of the group, there was 1 other Black man. Every other person in the group, including the facilitator was white. This is important for later on. 6/
From the very start of this group, there was this 1 white dude in the group who I got a weird vibe from. Seriously, from Day 1, I got this bad energy off of him. I know people say this shit all the time in retrospect but for real, from SECOND 1, he rubbed me wrong. 7/
As a psychologist, I know a lot of these perceptions are clouded by various factors. Some maybe related to me. Some maybe related to him. Some related to random shit. So, generally, I try my best to push past negative first impressions. 8/
In fact, I have a few very close friends who wouldn’t be my friends if I let initial interactions guide the way. One of Jide and Kunle’s favorite teachers ever made a poor first impression. It’s important to push past that sometimes. 9/
At the same time, as a Black person, it’s important that I pay attention to these feelings because Black people, through years and years of experience, feel it DEEP WITHIN OUR SOULS when somebody’s on that bullshit. It’s like a 6th sense. It’s protective for us. 10/
Regardless, I tried my best to engage with this dude in good faith. If you know me, for real, for real. I joke around a lot, I play around a lot, but I really do try my best to have sincere conversations with people. 11/
But week after week, session after session, I never really felt like this dude cared about my well-being. He barely ever asked me questions or made comments when I shared, and when he did, they were always super critical and judgmental. 12/
And in group, it’s important that you care about what the person sitting next to you is going through, just as much as you care about what you’re going through. Empathy is so fkn important. 13/
I didn’t have any really solid evidence that something was off about this guy so I told myself I was bugging. Whatever. 14/
Ok cool. It’s election night 2016. We know what happened. No need to recap. The next morning we have our group therapy.
I think you might kinda know where this is going now. 15/
I think you might kinda know where this is going now. 15/
We all walk into the room and we’re all kind of stunned. Like we can’t really believe wtf just happened. Like real life sadness and depression in that room. Whew. 16/
The facilitator starts talking and is essentially like “wow, I know these election results are saddening to a lot of you, we should take time to talk about it” 17/
Different members of the group talk about how this election has affected them and whatnot. It gets to this dude.
...
“Well, I actually voted for Trump. I don’t like him but I didn’t wanna vote for Hilary and I didn’t want my vote to go to waste by voting 3rd party” 18/
...
“Well, I actually voted for Trump. I don’t like him but I didn’t wanna vote for Hilary and I didn’t want my vote to go to waste by voting 3rd party” 18/
Mind you, in 2016, I was no Hilary stan. In fact, I told myself I wasn’t voting for her ass. But when I got in that voting booth, I knew what tf I had to do. 19/
Back to the story, as soon as those words came out of his mouth, I knew, I would not step another. fucking. foot. in this group therapy session. 20/
Honestly, I couldn’t tell you what the rest of that group session was about. I think we probably argued politics or some shit. But in my head, i wasn’t listening because I knew I was NOT coming back. 21/
When the session ended. I contacted the facilitator and was like “that was my last session, thank you for everything, I’m not coming back” 22/
The facilitator was like “no, please, come meet with me and talk to me about it before you quit” 23/
I did not really want to but this facilitator had been very very good to me over many different iterations of group. They had helped me a lot. The least I could do is have a final conversation with them and explain myself. 24/
I go to this meeting with the facilitator and explain that I no longer feel safe in this setting. And if I don’t feel safe, I can’t be honest. If I can’t be honest, there is no point! 25/
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