googles how to express how shitty my personal life is right now without actually info dumping 5+ years worth of pain and anger on my public twitter account

anyway my throat's raw tonight from screaming at our unwelcome guest for telling us to throw out one of our 7 meager refrigerated goods to make room for hers and that's why i think hachi should be more about anger and not just personal suffering and despair

for context: we have a full sized fridge. the agreement when she moved back in for the fourth time was that she could have one of the bottom drawers and the bottom right shelf to keep her perishables in. 7 of the 8 sections of the fridge are currently filled with her food.

and she's upset because we have three small containers and some groceries and she wants to go shopping for more food tomorrow. you can see the problem here.

and like it goes beyond the food. it's a million straws on the camels' back. it's the using our pots and leaving them out for days on end without being washed. it's the leaving stains and food bits all over the kitchen but complaining when we leave a water stain on the stove.

it's using the netflix subscription she refuses to pay for 24/7 because ""she needs to listen to something to sleep."" it's using my personal baking utensils to make meatloafs every three nights up until i hid them in my room (and she tried to trick me into revealing them).

it's the island of grocery bags she has in the living surrounding the coffee table, which she's turned into a personal trash island literally piled a foot high. it's the using our chairs and couches as storage bins despite Owning Three Bins That We Bought For Her Specifically™

it's thinking she has any right to talk to me at all when she refuses to use my pronouns and refuses to apologize for everything she put me through during her blackout state (including using every opportunity to cuss out my father's memory after he passed)

it's the way she talks about moving out as if it's about her wanting to have a bigger bed and being able to turn on the TV louder, instead of being about the fact that she's literally torn this home apart and destroyed all three of our lives and never even apologized once.

it's the max volume rooster alarms at 3/3:30/4:00/4:30/5:00 every morning. it's the smoking outside small one's office despite them repeatedly telling her not to. it's the digging through our groceries for food when she has 8 cuts of prime beef in the freezer.

it's the constant talking. it's the constant hiccuping and blowing her nose and smell of smoke and reek of body odor. it's the taking up the kitchen from 4:00 in the afternoon to 8:30 or even 9:00 at night and yet telling us to hurry up 10 minutes into a 30 minute meal.

it's the insisting on getting the mail and badgering us multiple times a day if we even LOOK at the mailbox but refusing to let anyone know if they get any bills or important letters, because her mail is all that matters.

it's the refusing to go 10 extra steps to use the front door instead of the side door, or walking through tall one's room while they're asleep because she wants to chat with her friend on the back porch. while tall one is asleep.

it's the constantly finding new places to pile food ads and getting mad when we throw away ads from 6 months ago because they were bowing our grandmother's wicker chair. it's the immediately picking a new spot to start doing it again, always somewhere more inconvenient.

it's the constant usage of s p a c e and encroachment into our spaces and overstepping every boundary we set because oh, she's so tired from work, we're being a pain in the ass, it's so much harder for her if she doesn't do it this way, don't question it, it's just how it is

it's the using our things without asking it's the taking toothbrushes and shampoo and deodorant and not understanding why we're furious when we find out. it's the bringing home boxes upon boxes of expired foods she has no intention of eating, but will not throw away.

it's loading our tiny, narrow little kitchen full of water jugs upon water jugs because """she doesn't like the tap water"""" and storing four to eight coffee cups from the corner store on the counter so she can pour and reheat them whenever.

it's the coming in while i'm finally cooking dinner and saying she needs the microwave now, so turn off the oven so she can use it, and refusing to wait the 1 minute and 48 seconds you have left on the timer (and claiming it's pointless if she has to wait that long)

it's this constant over-indulgence of every space in the house but somehow turning around and badgering us any time we use any of the amenities we own. starting laundry?? no, she needs laundry. taking a shower?? no, she needs the shower. using the living room?? no, she needs it.

it's the whole agreement where she came back from rehab and moved in against my will and said she'd get her certification in 9 months and be out, but then passed up the exam because she wanted to stay longer, and now is trapped in here on account of the pandemic.

it's the knowing that she has no reason to move out, because our anger and our angst means absolutely n o t h i n g to her, so why move out? she's already got it all--a comfy bed, 24/7 netflix, a whole fridge, all the appliances she needs. why move out?? why ruin this???

she doesn't care that she was only supposed to be here for four months. she doesn't care that we have been trying to drag her out, kicking and screaming for 5 years. she doesn't care that she's desecrating my dad's memory every time she uses this house.

it's so maddening, so infuriating, and yet even when i roar with all the boiling anger and resentment i have in me, all she cares about is that i'm ""being a bitch"" (and she knows that if she just behaves for a day or two, she can go right back to encroaching even more)

i tell her not to use our spoons if she's not going to clean them and that we have plastic ones instead?? fine. she'll do it. for three days. then it's ""too hard"" and ""too much effort,"" and she goes back to using the spoons and completely ruining them.

it's just this thread has gone on for too long but the bottom line is i've been going absolutely mad knowing that no matter how firm or vicious or brutal or diplomatic or compromising or anything i am, it just doesn't matter to her, and she'll just keep doing more

i am literally helpless to do anything in my own home and for that reason i think hachi ought to be at least a little bit about anger

this is all together too much for main but it's the reality of what i'm living with