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((All joking aside I really don't know what's going on with me r/e forgetting Basic Shit in RPs. I genuinely don't know if I'm just more self-critical of small mistakes, or if I'm actually Becoming Stupid b/c of stress, yet I'm not that stressed, I think, I don't know?))
((Maybe on some level I might have just become more aware of the complete normal loss of memory as time marches on, and the temporality of everything without exception is upsetting.))
((When I get upset I tend to write more but the writing is kind of the problem here. I might take a step back for a few days. Maybe I'll write some more solos, maybe not, idk.))
((I've come to the conclusion that what's bothering me is the effect it has on another people. I can't stand annoying people (verb moreso than adjective). I am a little scared yeah but I only realized I'm not playing w/ a full deck /because/ of everyone's annoyance.))
((I guess what I'm trying to say is... please be gentle? As dumb as it sounds, maybe don't tell me if a lapse happened or if it annoyed you? Is that even a reasonable ask for me to make? I dunno.))
((I recently realized that I self-deprecate a lot more than most people and 80-90% of the time it's a joke or because I think a dumb thing I did is funny. Idk if that causes ppl to ignore when I have serious concerns but I do indeed feel kind of ignored? I don't know.))
((It might, conversely, have people thinking that I /always/ dislike myself, and that's not true. I only dislike myself right now because I realized this thread has multiple tweets that end with some variation of "I don't know."))
((Anyway, I'm lonely, my ADHD is getting worse, my depression/anxiety is coming back, my rosemary plant from trader joes died, I've migraines weekly and I get brain fog every single day.))
((Jesus Christ I just realized I'm gonna be upset if my cactus dies because I've had the cactus for at least 3 years. I mean, it has no reason to die, but...))
((I don't think I've ever been this emotionally unstable for, like, a decade. It's honestly bizarre to me and idk how to handle what could very well be Completely Normal Emotions.))
((So I guess I wanna apologize, both now and in advance, for my antics, including this whinging thread. I'm not my usual self. Idk how I'm coming off.
But I've decided I prefer ignorance.))
But I've decided I prefer ignorance.))
((So if I make a small mistake or a small slipup, and it doesn't really hurt anyone, I would prefer not to know. Tell me if it's serious of course; I don't wanna hurt anybody but the drive to not hurt has mutated into a new anxiety that may or may not have basis in reality.))
