Read on Twitter
Officially, my first memory was kindergarten screening, so it was the June after my 5th birthday (in April)
Unofficially though, I have a memory at 18 months.
A thread https://twitter.com/KA_Doore/status/1293862385099460609
Unofficially though, I have a memory at 18 months.
A thread https://twitter.com/KA_Doore/status/1293862385099460609
When I was 10 my whole family sat around and told their first ever memory. I knew exactly what I was going to tell them.
"When I was a little toddler I was sitting in a high chair facing the door and it was late. I was excited because I should have been asleep"
"When I was a little toddler I was sitting in a high chair facing the door and it was late. I was excited because I should have been asleep"
"A woman I never saw before or since was in the kitchen laughing at me. You came in and we're shocked I was up, but you put a cake covered in strawberries on my highchair and I ate it"
I was told very firmly and clearly that this never happened, and it was all a dream.
I was told very firmly and clearly that this never happened, and it was all a dream.
I was told that I was never left with a babysitter who wasn't family, I was told I was never awake after 7pm, I was told that I had a vivid imagination (this is indeed true) and they changed the subject.
I didn't believe them. Several times over the years I tried again.
I didn't believe them. Several times over the years I tried again.
I assumed it was all over for me and my "memory" when I took psychology in Junior year and learned that you can't form memories before 4 because of the way the brain develops. Despite being told for years I was wrong, this came as a shock to me. I was, quite frankly, devastated
I gave up on my "memory" and just stopped bringing it up. Because I was wrong, and I know when to admit defeat.
And then when I was 20 and engaged, I spent an afternoon looking at family wedding photos. At my uncle's wedding my mom was SUPER pregnant.
"Oh, is that me?"
And then when I was 20 and engaged, I spent an afternoon looking at family wedding photos. At my uncle's wedding my mom was SUPER pregnant.
"Oh, is that me?"
"No" my mother says casually. "This is [my younger sister]
"Oh" I ask casually. "Well, all my family is at the wedding right?"
"Yeah, so I got a lady I worked with to watch you this once. You never met her."
"Oh" I said calmly. "I see" I said. Calmly.
"Oh" I ask casually. "Well, all my family is at the wedding right?"
"Yeah, so I got a lady I worked with to watch you this once. You never met her."
"Oh" I said calmly. "I see" I said. Calmly.
I turned the page and there was a picture of a cake. An ENORMOUS 3 tiered cake, covered in buttercream rose buds.
The color of the rosebuds, you ask?
Yes, they WERE red.
The color of the rosebuds, you ask?
Yes, they WERE red.
Now, of course I casually mentioned that, well, here I was at approximately 18 months, left with a woman I never met and couldn't identify, with a cake that LOOKS like it's covered in strawberries.
"No, it's not possible"
Yes yes, of course.
But...
"No, it's not possible"
Yes yes, of course.
But...
Was I, you may ask, awake when they came home?
"Yes, and I was so mad about it!"
Okay and did you, perhaps l, maybe, bring me cake?
*Sighing deeply* "...yes"
"Yes, and I was so mad about it!"
Okay and did you, perhaps l, maybe, bring me cake?
*Sighing deeply* "...yes"
We agreed to disagree. That it wasn't possible. That this was a coincidence. That it just so happened, by some freak, to be so similar to my dream, which was not a memory at all.
It wasn't a concrete vindication. But it was enough. I believed myself, I could live with that.
It wasn't a concrete vindication. But it was enough. I believed myself, I could live with that.
BUT!!!
A few years later I was pregnant with my first child, and my mom got nostalgic and pulled out baby shower pics. I had already seen all of mine, because I read it like a Bible, but I never saw my sister's.
There, behind my mother in her office party, was the woman.
A few years later I was pregnant with my first child, and my mom got nostalgic and pulled out baby shower pics. I had already seen all of mine, because I read it like a Bible, but I never saw my sister's.
There, behind my mother in her office party, was the woman.
I pointed right to her.
"There is that lady from my dream that isn't a memory at all. Is this the lady you coincidentally had babysit me?"
She just picked up all the pictures and put them away. So I don't know FOR SURE.
But it's her. I was right.
"There is that lady from my dream that isn't a memory at all. Is this the lady you coincidentally had babysit me?"
She just picked up all the pictures and put them away. So I don't know FOR SURE.
But it's her. I was right.
There are 2 explanations to this weirdness.
The first is that a memory very unique and jarring can sometimes maybe stick a little earlier, due to the novelty.
The second, and very relevant, is that people with autism form memories differently. Some report early memories.
The first is that a memory very unique and jarring can sometimes maybe stick a little earlier, due to the novelty.
The second, and very relevant, is that people with autism form memories differently. Some report early memories.
So officially, in a neat and verifiable way, my first memory was of me having a hearing test in the cafeteria of my future elementary school.
But really, unofficially, my first memory was sweeter than that.
[The end]
But really, unofficially, my first memory was sweeter than that.
[The end]
