strap in babes I've had an excellent week

ok so first off let me explain--right before the pandemic really got going, my grandma died. I promise this is not a sad story

My sister, who currently lives in San Francisco, flew back to Ohio for the funeral. When everything started shutting down in California she decided to stay with us for a while

So the weeks go by, she talks to her friend, and he decides he's gonna road trip out from cali to ohio just for the hell of it to pick her up. Meanwhile, she starts trying to talk me into coming with her

"wanna road trip out to California and stay with us for a while?" absolutely, next question

so he drives out, hangs in Ohio for a bit, then we start our trip back. And we have been making this motherfucking road trip count, let me tell you

we hit St Louis, zigged up to Minneapolis and the badlands, then zagged down through Denver towards Arches & Canyonlands (put a pin in that)

now there is an important part of the story I have been leaving out, which is that my sister's friend drives a Tesla

I have lots of words I could say about teslas but for rn:
1) have to plan trips around charge the battery
2) teslas, at least this model, put style before function so much that it's a bit obnoxious

Tbh it's less a car and more a stupid sexy computer with wheels. The ac went out on the third day & the first thing we did was restart it a couple times bc apparently some times it just, freaks out and needs a reboot

wasn't until a day later we realized what had happened--we hit a raccoon and it broke a piece of the vent that cools off the battery, so the car had to divert the air conditioning to keep from overheating

I'm sorry but if you can't hit a raccoon w/out damaging a critical system, your vehicle is poorly designed!! I don't make the rules!!!

anyway, we make it into Arches. Misread the map and wound up on a 3 mile hike w one bottle of water while it's getting dark out but hey, at least it isn't too hot and the stars are beautiful

except that on the way out of the park we heard a "pop" and watched (in real time! on the fancy screen!) as our tire pressure dropped to dead zero in like 10 seconds

first car to pull over is a family from Indiana, dad gets out to help
midwestern dad: You guys got a spare?
us: No
mw dad: Not even a donut??
us: No :/

that's right ladies and gentlemen. I've seen the cars of the future, and they do not come with spare tires

not five minutes later, Indiana Dad's father in law pulls up.

"They don't have a spare? Not even a donut? You pay all that money for a tesla and you don't even get a donut??"

The scorn and disbelief was so palpable, I wish mr elon tesla could have been there himself

So we finally get a tow truck from the one (1) family owned tow company in Moab. And the next day we get a ride from the one (1) uber driver in Moab

and then we rented a jeep, and my life was forever changed

To all 1.5 people who actually read my tweets, I'm sorry this thread is so long