I am one of the writers, directors and producers of Leon the F***ing Pig Farmer. A feature film that was written 3 decades ago and made on a shoe string in 1991. After we finished the film, it won awards in Venice, London and beyond. But we couldn’t get UK distribution for it.

Every distributor turned it down. One booker in Hampstead said “It wouldn’t play 2 nights at the Screen on the Hill.” Luckily the guy 200 yards up the road at the Everyman Cinema thought differently and agreed to show it. It has held the Box Office Record there for 30 years.

They say insanity is making the same mistake over and over again and expecting different results. I declare myself well and truly bonkers. I don’t want to die with Leon the F***ing Pig Farmer on my gravestone as my one hit. I’ve spent my career trying to match it.

Then, a year and a half ago I had a TV series, ready to shoot, which I’d written and could direct. It was called The Jewish Enquirer. I had Tim Downie, the scripts were being compared to Curb Your Enthusiasm which TV Execs love but everyone passed because it was too Curb-esque!

But then, a life saver. A private investor came in and confirmed 110% that he would finance the series. There was logic to this. There were huge UK Government tax breaks for individuals who invested in risky businesses up to 150 thousand pounds.

I knew I could make the new TV series with a crew of 7. Not ideal. But with no costume department, no make up department, no assistant directors, no location managers, no key grips, no gaffers, the talent is in front of the camera. Crucially I'd done it before with a feature.

My plan was to work with great people, pay them as well as I could, similar to what they’d get on other TV jobs, but without what some people call “the circus”. The scripts and cast were what mattered.

With that private investor on board, I greenlit the series.

A 6 week shoot over winter. Short days due to winter light issues but huge fun and a great cast. My, we were yah. An episode a week. Locations within a stone’s throw of each other. Great crew. Fantastic British Comedy cast. We are so so lucky in this country with talent.

The most challenging problem was trying to get a helium balloon made up with racist graffiti on. We managed only after providing proof that we weren’t either far right or far left scumbags. As a result someone in Finchley will have a deflated balloon with Jews Go Home written on.

Then private investor (the 110% one) pulled out. His tax bill wasn’t what he thought.
I was suddenly left to foot the bill for an entire 6 part TV series. This was now a matter of some desperation...
To edit the series I now had to hire an unknown guy called Des Latouche.

Luckily he lived in our house and was willing to work for free. He’s also the father of my children and married to my wife so it wasn’t too bad. In post-production, I tested the series with a wide-ranging audience. It was compared to Friday Night Dinner and Curb. Hurrah!!

What if we're the new #Fleabag and Tim Downie is the new #PhoebeWallerBridge only with a slightly flatter chest? Or the Brit #larrydavid but with more hair? Surely the TV guys and the PR guys will want to launch even more Brit talent?

I cracked the whip on Des urging him to get to fine cut stage and finally it was complete. 2 episodes premiered in November at the Jewish Film Festival, despite the fact that episode one contains the gag “Jewish Themed Film to Open the Jewish Film Festival – Exclusive!”

I put it on Amazon Prime and we started to get positive feedback from critics and the audience. Including Non-Jews! I love you guys. But it was a slow process. And then a miracle happened. Coronavirus...So I rang round all the Broadcast Channels at the highest level I could.

Hiya! It’s me! I feel terrible for you. Awful. Are you safe? Have you heard about my series that the BBC’s Front Row said was “Seinfeld in London”? The one that the Daily Mail said “batters you with jokes so politically incorrect they leave you speechless”?

The series that the Manchester Evening News TV reviewer binge watched twice in 2 evenings? The series that stars Tim Downie, Lucy Montgomery, Josh Howie and Geoff McGivern? You must be short of new comedy!
Better a new well-reviewed comedy than repeats eh?

Have it, I said, for a fifth of what you’d pay for it if you’d made it. That sounds great. Thanks. We watched some. It’s a bit like a British Curb…
Have it for a tenth, I countered.
My negotiation skills are legendary. I have a souk gene that I inherited from my Egyptian dad.

Watch the one where Tim Downie has to dress up as an Imam and is accused of grooming by a Muslim shopkeeper. Watch the one where he tries to donate human hair to a Jewish Charity whilst driving around a dwarf in his nephew’s car seat.
Funny? Relevant? Timely? Populist? I asked.

Or the one where there is a feather test done to try to distinguish the sensitivity between a circumcised and un-circumcised penis. I waited patiently. I promised myself that if it won awards I wouldn’t gush that anything is possible if you just try. That's bollocks.

There are tons of great actors and writers and directors who never get the breaks- but as soon as one gets the break, gold in hand, they tell everyone to dream big. Live the dream. Screw that. My patience was wearing thinner. This series was made for people in this country FFS!

I’ve made a populist, scripted, tested and well-reviewed series and no-one will show it. I'm more depressed than Alistair Campbell and Tony Slattery combined. My bloomin’ house is at stake (thanks to the private investor). Trailer:

It makes me sadder than Marianne when Connell doesn’t take her to the Debs. I’m so down I can’t bring myself to leave the house even if lockdown is over. How the hell does it get to this? This series is FUNNY! And RELEVANT.

So I wrote season 2 obviously.

I see my gravestone with “Leon the F***ing Pig Farmer” on it and underneath in really small letters “also The Bloomin’ Jewish Enquirer which no-one saw”.

So it's still on @primevideouk and I get 9 pence if someone watches the WHOLE series. Does that deserve caps? 9 PENCE!

Still nine pence is nine pence right? I mean it's not nothing. Close though. It's on @PrimeVideo in the US too. 9 cents there.

Nine Pence??? For 6 episodes. Thanks @JeffBezos https://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Jewish-Enquirer/dp/B083TCQZSQ