What I learned from a wise big sister is that being a trans woman involves coming to terms with all of one's past experiences of masculinity, whatever they were. I find that doing that work also makes a place in my heart for the trans men around me.

This was hard at first: trans men want the thing I least want. The thing I don't even want to think about in myself. But the better I've got a feeling my way through masculinity in my own life, the closer I feel to trans men. Because I do understanding the wanting part.

There's ideological figure which holds that masculinity is intrinsically bad. Its weirdly shared by the dominant culture, by certain kinds of feminism, and by trans women (including myself at times).

The TERVE vs t-girl non-debate often boils down to: "you are the bad thing" vs "I am no longer or was never the bad thing." Masculinity as the *intrinsically* bad thing is never questioned.

I think it's more interesting to ask: what are some good practices, habits, cultures of masculinity? I wouldn't want trans men as a whole to bear the burden of having to live up to that. But I do find that the trans men I know are working on it, and I honor that.