hm. denny’s au.

listen. hear me out.

case-fic (…parody) where WWX and LWJ try to figure out wtf is going on with the Denny’s on 43rd told thru NHS’s pov

WWX is absolutely baffled by the sheer volume of fries that go missing. LWJ is a little more concerned with the strange sounds coming out of the air ducts (even if it’s not a person, it’s a safety hazard!).

neither of them think too much abt NHS sitting at The Corner Table. he’s probably just a college student working on his thesis, right? right??? (he is not.)

rumors of cryptids run wild. WWX starts out thinking it’s mostly crap, an opinion which changes after an unsettling XP in the bathroom. he refuses to elaborate on his sudden shift to team cryptid, which infuriates LWJ (meanwhile, NHS is distracted by the mysterious AC noises)

There Is Something In The Vents

it takes a couple of weeks before they realize NHS is missing, and only then bc he isn’t losing his shit in the background during the latest Culinary Explosion. also, the fries haven’t disappeared in a while, which is interesting

WWX drags JC into the investigation, desperate to have someone else on team cryptid. just to be contrary, JC refuses to believe. anyway, it’s time to explore the vents. no one volunteers, so WWX takes one for the team and goes up

he Does Not Like It there, sam i am. not one bit. unfortunately, he catches a glimpse of the Thing and chases it down the shaft, ignoring JC’s shouts and LWJ’s protests

it’s dark and uncomfortable and WWX wonders why nobody’s bothered to make AC ducts more comfortable to crawl through, just a layer of carpet would help! but sans carpet, he can hear the Thing. he can hear it and he’s gonna get it if it’s the last thing he does

this is a long-winded way of saying that WWX gets into a fight with a raccoon in the AC ducts of a denny’s. not even in the denny’s parking lot, smh

anyway, wwx returns from the ducts not at all victorious and is promptly ripped to shreds by jc. lwj refuses to look at him, says, “Ridiculous” when wwx tries to get his attention

the ominous rattling in the air vents continues. nobody does anything; that’s the raccoons house now.

nhs is back at The Corner Table like nothing happened. wwx, covered in racoon scratches and bites (adds rabies shot to his to-do list), decides it’s time for Insider Knowledge

nie “know nothing” haisang plays dumb, which drives wwx absolutely nuts. jc is enjoying watching wwx suffer thru this investigation, suggests they call in some paranormal investigators. wwx looks sick at the thought of it

lwj suggests calling animal control to deal with the raccoon. jc has to restrain wwx, who resorts to telling lwj all the reasons the raccoon deserves to stay. nhs is baffled; so is the denny’s manager, who’s been dealing with this shit all week & regrets working at a 24hr shop

they do not call animal control on the raccoon. they DO call up some paranormal investigators (wwx is deeply offended when jc says it’s time to let the pros have at it. lwj doesn’t understand which part of this is supposed to be paranormal. pobody’s nerfect)

enter wen ning & wen qing. despite his protests, wwx is friendly with them. enough so that lwj is Jealous

wen qing is pretty quick to say it’s Just A Denny’s. wen ning responds by saying that all denny’s are haunted denny’s. wen qing sighs, but pulls out the spirit box

“i’m a doctor,” wen qing mutters as the spirit box gets going. “how did it come to this?”

the spirit box has no answer

wwx spite orders fries and sits at The Corner Table, glowering at the spirit box as it says… well, a bunch of gibberish, mostly. until, that is, wn has a go at it & the fuckin thing starts talking in full sentences. wtf

wwx’s fries go missing. yet another point for team cryptid