1) THREAD ON WAITING. Note to aspiring writers — things take WAY LONGER than you probably realize in Hollywood (at least on the writing side). Caveat: as with all advice on twitter, this is based on my experience etc etc etc.

2) As an example, let’s say you just finished an AMAZING SCRIPT the one you think is going to change your career. And let’s assume you already have reps (as that’s a whole other waiting game). And let’s assume your rep love it as much as you do and thinks it’s ready for the town.

3) So they send out. By the next week, you might start getting some responses (mostly passes as that’s just how it goes). After a few weeks, you get a bite. A producer LOVES your script. Thinks they can set it up at a studio. They set a meeting with you to discuss.

4) That meeting takes place one or two weeks after they read and got excited (so we’re now at 5 weeks after you wrote this amazing script). In this meeting you decide on plan… in this case, you’re going to pitch first and then leave the script behind.

5) So the producers and/or your reps set up pitch meetings at all the major studios. When do you meet? About two or three weeks from now. So we’re now at 8 weeks from when you finished. The studios read. This takes anywhere from a few days to a few weeks (depending on heat).

6) Let’s go with two weeks. And then you get the best words you can hear in Hollywood. “Business Affairs will be calling.” Yes! You did it! You sold your script! (We’re now at 10 weeks from completion btw.) Do you buy your Porsche you have all picked out? No.

7) Because it now takes anywhere from 2 weeks to 2 months for BA to finally call. Let’s cut it down the middle. 4 weeks. 4 weeks for the initial call to start negotiations. You can now buy your fancy car, right? No. Because you need to counter. Which you do…

8) And then it takes another 3 weeks for them to respond (it helps negotiators on their side to go slow as you begin to think they don’t care about the project… they’re also busy). And then you counter again. And they take more weeks. This process could go on for months…

9) (The exception is TV staffing negotiations which tend to move faster). I’ve lost tracks of the weeks, but on average, you’re probably 3 to 4 mos out from when you finished the script everyone loved. Probably longer. Anyway, finally, you get the second best words in Hollywood…

10) “We’ve closed.” Now do you buy your fancy car? No. (Btw, you should never buy the fancy car… but I’ll leave the economics of Hollywood for a different thread.) “But we’ve closed,” you say. “Why can’t I buy something?”

11) Because even after closing, it often takes months to see your first check… even though in your contract it says they must pay you the commencement fee 10 days after signing. Yes, they just ignore that part. (The guild is getting better at making studios pay this faster).

12) Anyway, long story longer, you’re now at about 6 months after you’ve written the script to get your first paycheck. And that, honestly, is conservative. It took over a year for me to get paid for my last feature. Even though they basically “bought it in the room.”

13) “How do you sustain a career?” you ask. “How do you pay your bills?” you ask. Well, we ask ourselves the same questions. We try to solve this by having multiple projects going at one time. TLDR: shit takes forever. Never buy a Porsche (until you’ve sold a few things anyway).

Postscript: a high level First AD friend of mine said he wanted to quit his day job because he just finished an amazing script. This thread came out of my explanation to him on why he should wait a bit...