Gents, can we talk about the experience of dating a rape/sexual assault? How it is/was? The impact it had on you and how you view/treat women? How you treat rapists? What you learned from it? GENTS ONLY PLEASE!!!

The 1 time i date a rape survivor i was thrown off so bad. I was just looking for a good time and this girl looked like she was down for my kind fun so I started mackin on her heavy. Eventually we hooked up and it was all sweet

My horny ass couldn’t wait to get down but she was always reluctant, kinda gently brushing it off and i was frustrated AF as felt she was toying me with (blowing hot & cold) but didn’t wanna blow out and be an asshole so i tried to be patient

She just kept saying “please be patient with me but if you cannot wait, I understand. We can break up”........somehow that made me want her more and stick around (ego trip). Then the night of the butternut finally came. Na tlo nroba polo that night and i was ready gore e robege

As we are making it out i can literally hear her heartbeat and she starts trembling. My ignant ass thinks she’s getting “excited” but man man man man this is starting to feel weird and now I’m thrown off. I can’t concentrate and i stop and ask a few times if she’s ok

She keeps reassuring me that she is. Then i went down to take her knickers and she froze and started crying. I jumped TF up and backed off coz something is definitely wrong here. She’s tryna convince me that she’s ok but no ways. Something ain’t right. Motho o ona le badimo

After me nagging her a but she finally tells me her rape story. I’m sitting there with blue balls and dick hard enough to cut diamonds tryna navigate between shock, sympathy, support and fucking. I didn’t sign up for this shit, I don’t how to deal with this

I wanna tell it’s cool we don’t have to do this but what if that says to her that since she was raped I don’t find her attractive? What if she think i see her as damaged goods? But WTF would i look like sleeping with her when she is clearly not ok with her trauma?

I was just looking for fun now if it hit and run, I’m an asshole that added to her trauma. If i stay, I’m signing up for something I didn’t come here for. Something waaaaaay outta my depth. But the biggest issue was “this woman trusted me with this major issue. I gotta be a man”

My experience with her forced me to sign up for life skills training czp clearly i was going to struggle for a long time to deal with issues if i was this freaked out by this and it was likely that i would encounter it again in life

It taught me a lot about self awareness and being honest with myself about my capabilities and shortcomings before i can even try to be a support structure for someone else. To deal with my fears and bias. I got sucked into a life skills journey of self discovery and improvement

So much so that soon after, I actually became a leader in the “train the trainers” and a life skills counselor and HIV peer support leader. That experience changed me forever