Here is something I teach my clients that is generally useful, so I’m going to share it. If someone is coming to you to vent about or unpack a situation, ask them before you respond, “Would you like supportive listening, advice or both?”

Not only does this get them what they truly need, it also keeps the ball in their court and keeps you, the listener, from taking it on as your responsibility. It is what I call a “gentle fence.”

If you are the friend in the friend group that everyone comes to with their problems, this is an essential skill! It is also very helpful with partners, children and family members!

It also encourages the one with the problem to think about what they actually want from you, which they may not know until you ask the question, which is hugely helpful.