Still thinking about teocatl & them just collapsing together after a case...tired boys...let them sleep...

(also: post-trilogy Revered Speaker. Ahuizotl and his beloved high priest. Maybe in this universe he doesn't die at like 40 & the conquistadors have A Real Bad Time)

conquistadors roll up, see the assembled aztec gods, and get right on the ship back home. (tho I do like a modern AU w/gods/magic still around bc someone went "what if we sacrificed horses instead" so the Americas became trading partners instead bc NOBODY WANTS TO PISS OFF GODS)

In this world first contact goes something like this:

Aztecs: if you kill & enslave us, that's the way of war, but then YOU have to deal with ALL THOSE *points at monsters*
Spaniards: .....hearts, you said? You know, horses have much bigger hearts than humans...

Basically this is all an excuse to have Acatl, High Priest of the Dead, in a nice suit with a smartphone & Strong Opinions on the blasphemy of Tex-Mex (and blood at his earlobes, bc the gods still want human blood even if they've settled for no human deaths)

As a public figure, he's expected to have social media. He lets his team handle it but that doesn't stop Teomitl from tagging him in all his selfies...or him from replying things like "weren't you supposed to be in bed" and "please put a shirt on"

teomitl meanwhile was on at least one college sports team, is staring down impending grad school for a polisci masters (he WANTED to study forensics but a brother of the Revered Speaker...yeah), and has a purebred hunting dog who is terrified of acatl's 7-lb cat.

(to be fair, acatl IS the high priest of the dead so any pets he owns tend to absorb some of the...creepiness. his cat's eyes reflect light that isn't there, sometimes, even though she's a sweet and snuggly girl)

teomitl is the kind of guy who wears $500 skinny jeans, always has the latest model phone, & his netflix queue is action movies/political dramas. acatl shops at target and his phone MIGHT be from this decade...maybe. he watches a lot of cooking shows.

teomitl realizes he has a crush when HE starts watching the cooking shows to get closer to acatl. the way to a man's heart is through his stomach. (acatl thinks most action films are ridiculous but he loves the way teomitl's face lights up enough to sit thru the MCU)

oh no. oh god. fuck.

...modern teomitl WOULD play league of legends. as well as every single call of duty game. i feel bad dragging him like this but it's fucking true. acatl, meanwhile, plays solitaire.

back on my modern au bullshit: acatl at first FULLY thinks teomitl has a thing for mihm but they're really just meeting up to bond over Bisexual Disaster Things and "mihm do you think acatl likes me" "he listens to you when you tell him to take care of himself I think he does"

THE MODERN AU MUSINGS RETURN.

au where the spanish conquest went ahead BUT a few orders of aztec priests were kept around to deal with the Monster Situation. acatl is the new head of the Mictlan Division & doesn't know what to do w/this hotshot new transfer from the Jaguars

i am back on the modern au bullshit. i was like "teomitl has to have a dog but what...kind.....oh. duh. d u h. it has to be a xoloitzcuintle"

...probably one with hair. it has a pedigree that stretches back to the aztec empire & loves acatl on sight. teo thinks it has GOOD TASTE

acatl: sorry i'm late my bike broke down--
teomitl: I HAVE BOUGHT YOU A NEW ONE

dropped his phone in the pool? new phone. hit by a car? teomitl will pay. need new clothes? don't even think about going to target, teomitl's card has Got This.

i am back...thinking abt modern au...

i want to write it but LAST NAMES nobody HAS A FUCKING LAST NAME. i would have to make them all up and i'm. suffering. but i want it to exist. give acatl netflix & a scrunchie for his hair

...okay but. MODERN acatl & teomitl in traditional clothing, aka Acatl Is Entirely Too Gay For This and Teomitl Is Looking Respectfully. cloaks/loincloths instantly become 1000% sexier when the object of your desire is usually wearing slacks and a polo shirt

hmmmmmm

modern acatl with skull/owl/marigold tattoos somewhere easily hidden. teomitl with big flashy eagle/jaguar ones

teomitl mostly. he strikes me as the sort who'd go in for that.

modern au acatl has reading glasses. teomitl is bluescreening because he didn't think his man could get hotter but!! somehow!! it happened!! (acatl thinks they make him look old. teo disabuses him of this notion)

teo meets acatl, deletes grindr and tinder

modern teomitl is THE WORST DRIVER. the WORST. he views speed limits as a suggestion and never, ever slows down for turns. acatl hates it.

I AM BACK with my modern au bullshit. modern! teomitl! with a buzz cut and a tank top and the latest iphone and all the traditional piercings. (smaller/not gauged but still there, still a sign of his heritage, and all that bright gold) tattoos maybe?? i'm thinking yes.

Sudden horrible realization that modern Teomitl is a jock. Modern Teomitl carries Gatorade on him at all time. He plays multiple sports up to and including the Mayan ball game. Acatl knows absolutely NOTHING about sportsball and just nods encouragingly.

Teomitl tries to bond by asking Acatl about soccer. Acatl just goes "?????" a lot. They ACTUALLY bond over murder mysteries both real and fictional

modern au thread resurrected with the realization that, for modern-w/magic acatl, day of the dead is his most dreaded overtime holiday. he doesn't get more than an hour of sleep for three days & spends aLL OF THAT wrangling ghosts & cursing out OG acatl re. the boundaries

"ok you turned all the conquistadors' bones to obsidian! you let the empire hold out for another hundred or so years! but tlaloc's DICK couldn't you have shut the doors to the underworld when you were done?!"

the wind o' knives is rolling his eyes in the background

oh no...the realization i just had...

modern teocatl can ADOPT. acatl can be a DAD. it is his ultimate form!!! carrying a small child around on his back! reading them bedtime stories! giving hugs! (teomitl is determined to be a good dad & teaches the kid to bike & stuff)

they're discussing the future one day & teo is like "oh i always wanted to have kids"

acatl chokes on his own spit bc *looks at teo's whole personality* yeah, but then they are That Couple planning a whole nursery.

Modern AU realizations: a) teomitl is an unmitigated disaster in the kitchen. Acatl teaches him to scramble eggs

b) teo absolutely has an insta and tags his boyfriend in all his selfies. Acatl has Facebook & a work twitter & only reluctantly gets anything else

it strikes me that modern acatl is the sort of person who might have taken up smoking at some point and is now trying to quit. unfortunately, he is under a LOT of stress so it's not going so well. teomitl encourages him to keep at it.

oh hey I'm back on my Modern AU Headcanon shit: acatl watches some big-budget blockbuster w/teomitl, fully expecting to be Bored Off His Nut (he usually watches documentaries)...and is very surprised when they wind up analyzing plotpoints together for an hour. teo's SMART.

modern acatl, free of his historical predecessor's rules against drunkenness: still doesn't DRINK drink but def got Fucked Up at least once in college. his real vice is smoking.
modern teomitl: used to not drink but then started working w/his brother.

...acatl will physically fight you if you Dare imply he's dating teomitl for the perks of teo's family status/connections/wealth, but he also doesn't complain too much when his boyfriend wants to buy him expensive dinners & escort him to parties to watch the glitterati choke

gaming hcs

acatl: baffled by mmos. secret visual novel junkie
mihm: animal crossing, botw
teomitl: CoD, OW, or, regrettably, league. mains something annoying
neutemoc: CoD w/teo
quenami: the sims
ceyaxochitl: candy crush
neza: mains something designed to counter teo

i regret the fact that i would actually have to know things about OW and lea/gue of legends to figure out what teomitl would play. all i know is that he doesn't always mute his mic in time when he starts losing his temper.

i'm back in this thread imagining...teomitl with a motorcycle....i think he WOULD ok. just don't ask him to drive anything with more than two wheels. he cannot be trusted with a car. acatl has to teach him to drive Properly.