Read on Twitter
want to complain about how social media is toxic and contributing to my poor mental health, but I'm afraid y'all will think I'm just whiny, so I sit here and try to post about more upbeat things instead, but then no one seems to notice what I post anyway
I really, really just want to quit social media altogether, but I struggled enough before COVID hit and now I'm so desperate for any scrap of simulated interaction or attention that I'm afraid to leave it
I hate Facebook, and I'd like to leave it first, I have been on there for 14 years and that terrifies me, in terms of the minutiae of my life it knows me better than almost anyone, but can you imagine how much wasted time that adds up to
it's my only source of contact for a lot of my relatives and people from my past. so if I ditch that, I'd be largely cutting them off. but most of them don't interact with me there anyway! they don't like my photos, they're not going to pick up the phone and call.
Twitter is more interesting because I've curated my feed to reflect my interests: music, art, news and such. I feel more free to post about certain things on here. And even though it overwhelms me sometimes, it's a powerful addiction, because there's always more coming.
But I try engaging with people on here and it just doesn't work. I'm grateful for the people who have followed me back, but most of what I post just gets ignored and I'm not sure why. and it's like tweeting into a void.
I try to be thoughtful about my posts, and sometimes it takes multiple tries, or I'll post something lengthy and then delete it. I want to post things that engage people, but then I worry about how they'll respond, whether they'll like it or not. It's crippling.
for someone like me who's a perfectionist to begin with, it's really frustrating. I debate with myself. I predict how people will react. I finally decide to just go with it. And then it gets no reaction whatsoever. so much for engaging with people.
maybe it's the nature of social media. we're all bombarded constantly and we don't focus on anything for long. but when I spend hours working on a drawing, for instance, and I post it and no one says anything at all, it feels like rejection.
I don't really know where to go with this thread now, like always I fear I'm gonna alienate people further if I keep going down this rabbit trail. but the whole idea of social media is to engage with people, and if that's not happening, what's the point?
