so i went and chilled with 2 different niggas yesterday....

a thread | of me talking to myself cause nobody cares

nigga number one

23
no kids
own place and car
has really great manners
pretty decent background
smoke cigs

nigga number two

21
one baby
lives in a place (lmfao ion know)
may or may not be a murderer
has hood manners not good manners
smoke cigs

ni guess which one is my favoriteeee

number twooo

on paper one seems amazing (no kizzy he’s a catch)

but when i talk to him about my business the energy i receive is black

everywhere we went yesterday two introduced me as “CEO LALA”

‘shawty a business woman baby tell the about your investment company’

update - number 2 baby mama done came to me as a woman

so i smoked me a blunt went to sleep and guess what i woke up to...nigga number threeeeee

now that I’m woke lemme go into details of 1-3 actions

so as planned i made plans to see both 1-2 again...

childddd let’s start with 1

so im texting 1 he’s all excited and what not “can’t wait to see you beautiful”

blah. blah. blah.

so it’s after 9pm (I’m on my way HOME) and he texts me and was like are you still coming.

so in my mind I’m like

you been off since 5 why you just hitting me

why you wanna see me after 9

do you know im not going in your house

this man text me and says he needs a nap before i come.

i took my ice home and went to sleep cause no.

fast forward it’s 4:30 and im home slumpedddd...

my phone starts ringing and im just like yeah ima ignore it

it rings again and i realize it’s my business line so i hop up and answer trying to sound wide awake

and guess who it is on the phone....
NUMBER TWOOOOOO

this man called because he’s a work and wanted to talk to me

so of course like the dummy i am i stay on the phone with this man for HOURSS

he gets off, goes to sleep...i go link with my girls Frenzie & Des

so we’re riding around and i get a phone call from number two

(i missed it trying to get my airpods)

called back immediately, no answer

childddddddddddddd

i get this text.

“this his babymama, he sleep do y’all got something going on...lmk so i can put him out”

ni i really wanted to say “if our man is sleep why would you be playing on his phone getting me excited for nothing”

but i was just like

“that don’t have nothing to do with me love”

here she go...

“lmao it's a question, but ok I got a answer you got room over there for him?”

now i really wanted to let her know that that was another question not an answer but go off sis.

but again im like that has nothing to do with me... cause it just don’t

I’ve never been on of those “I’m trying to come to you as a woman” type of females.

I find the behavior embarrassing.

1. you searched his phone while he was sleeping

2. you’re asking me, a stranger to tell YOU something about YOUR nigga

3. you approaching me when the only person you need to talk to is SLEEPING right beside you

girl tap him on the shoulder and tell him y’all need to talk

now did i know he was fairytale living w his bbymama...NO

i expect niggas to lie about everything so i wasn’t shocked

at the end of the day he better keep his HOUSING cause I LIVE WITH MY MOTHERRRR

baby you better hold tight to your babymama cause i ainn doing nonnneee of thattt

so we’re riding and im telling Frenzie and Des about what going on child Frenzie rolled up so quick

“Here you go friend”

YEAH THANK YOU
CAUSE
I NEED DAT

baby ion know who laced the blunt with melatonin - or was i just tired of niggas -
but baby i went tf to SLEEP

wake up from my car nap and my snap is popping I’m like

“what y’all want wimme ni”

“everyone getting left on read”

“im so sick of niggas cause all they do it LI- ohhh wait a minute....HAYY BIGHEAD”

so this young man here is BOLD BOLD

1. you slide up on a snap where im talking about #2
(i love the disrespect)

2. and then you send me your number and you tell me to ft you RAT NI

baby y’all should’ve seen me trying to comb this blunt cut bob back into formation...

we get on ft and he’s like come here let’s chill

(ps i been knowing him for like 7 years so he know CHILL MEANS CHILL so im all for it)

so i get over there im telling him about the babymama hitting my line and about number 1 trying me like a booty call

(yes i tell my boyfriends about one another cause wtf you gonna do)

y’all why this man being nice to me

rubbing my feet
my stomach (cause it’s that time)
kissing my forehead
calling me baby
making plans for tomorrow
wouldn’t let me answer my phone and VICE VERSA

ima go back today

but if he is too nice
I AM LEAVING

cause feelings are ghetto.
i dont have time for that.

update |

three is just like the rest of them lmfao why these men wanna have sex

update / y’all gonna be so shocked and disappointed...lmfao it’s numberrrrrrrrrrr . .

Eb knows me so well that’s my dawggg mannn

alright update boom

one is just cancelled cause no.

three cancelled me because im not trying hunch

honestly i appreciate it

now two this one lying mf

it’s sad because he lies so well but the Lord make sure I’m already knowing

it’s crazy cause the man be honest about soooo muchhhh

then he just gotta sauté the conversation up with a lie

it’s like putting parsley on fries
unnecessary.

i showed bre #2 this girl said

“FRIEND NI WHY”
“FRIEND YOU LOVE DRUG DEALERS”
“FRIEND THAT IS NOT TUPAC”

lmfaooo a read.

craziest thing about all this...

it’s a number ‘zero’ he really can’t even be classified with these BOYS so we don’t talk about him but when he done getting hisself together the roster is getting CLEAREDDDD until GO TEAM

y’all lmfaoooo this shit is getting too crazy for twitter at this point ima just say 2 keep me on my TOESS it’s always somethingggg

So let me catch y’all TF UP

please tell me why 2 bby mama showed up to my damn venue

im firm on the “that ainn got nothing to do with me”

so i stayed right tf where i was
doing what tf i was doing
yeah cause no

more importantly i believe disrespecting someone’s baby mama is tacky asl.

we literally have NOTHING to do with one another until he says otherwise.

NONE THE LESS...

THAT SHIT WAS GHETTOOOOOOOOO

i ainn gonna say i could never cause you know never say never but um...

I COULD NEVERRRRRRRR

ion blame ha cause that’s one lyin MF

This LYIN ASS MF told the girl im his sister

LMFAOOOO y’all see why he my favorite mf act just like me

ALERT -
There is a potential update to the roster.
I repeat, There is a potential update to the roster.

(It’s one of my followers and I hope he know I’m not sparing him baby IMA TWEET ABOUT YA)

guess who I’m texting lmfaooo

one.
remix on that y’all boys

nvm i remember why i stopped texting him in the first place

roster update everyone welcome aboard nigga number fourrrrr

lmfao shame shame shame cause why tf number 1 becoming my favorite

oh and i gotta tell ya about number 4

so let’s start with 4...once again this mf is on my Twitter sooo if you see this...MIND YO FOCKIN BUSINESS

anywaysss i been knowing bro since like WAY back...

scalp braids WAY BACK
aeropostale WAY BACK
neon colored skinny jeans WAY BACKK

he was really my “boyfriend” when i was like 11 or sum but he was older than me so you know...life.

anyways we’ve always kept in contact and checked on one another

FAST FORWARD - we met up the other day so I could give him a gift that had been at my house for over a month

dropping off the gift turned into “evaluate lalas mental health”
(which you all should be worried about but no biggie)

followed by a 2am smoke session full of jokes and laughs

VIBES

He’s lowkey a catch lmfao

I say that alot but everyone i fw is a catch to a certain extent but who tf said i wanted to grab they asses

ni lemme tell yall how number one got me

lmfao he showed me his book about chakras

as i read over that tweet i am disqusited with myself because that nigga probably can’t even read

but he showed me his lil book and i showed him a lil cat

lmfaooooo y’all im just playing

but he most definitely was more my speed than we linked before

way more comedic
conversation was intriguing
MANNERS on 20

so rn it’s go number 1 & 4

2 probs with his bm and that’s wonderful because nigga you need a place to stay

and as y’all know 3 cancelled me but still be hitting me up

still looking to add more members to the team

dm me

before you DM pls know im gonna talk about you on here

YOU NOT FOCKIN SPECIAL

epp the text i just got has me feeling like someone has feelings and no

just no

cause no

yes? no.

every variation of no is needed.

i got too much shit going on rn for anyone to like me.

A BREIF SUMMARY OF WHY I JUST CANT RN

dec - graduated from college, the plan was to travel for a year then find work

feb - tore my meniscus

march - covid broke out and cancelled my plans to go see Meg ; got dumped the day before my bday.

april - granny died

may- y’all ever cry everyday cause you tired of the police killing black ppl...cause SHIT

june - enjoyed vacation (somewhat) but came home to some MAJOR BS with my little big sister (love you now though bby)

july - business BOOMING

aug - business FLUCTUATING

I’m mf tied

it’s a nigga in my dms rat tf ni...

can’t wait to steal the joy from his soul

a nigga...
with confidence...
IN MY PRESENCE???

lmfaoooooooooo i know you smoking dick

lmfaoooooo sooo y’all know how i was like number one ainn go no kids

im so glad i got my step my license cause shitttt all these niggas got kids

big lala loves the kids

but that goes to show you these niggas don’t be lying...but they damn shole don’t lead with the facts

that’s why you gotta have multiple niggas

having multiple niggas is like listening to multiple news stations reporting on the same story...it’s some lies sprinkled throughout in everybody shit just gotta find the most accurate source.

y’all i tired to shift all my focus to one nigga

wtf tf his man SLEEP and I’m bored...this is why i flirt with the masses.

alright so let me update y’all.
im being wifed.

so i been with nigga number one or whatever chilling and shit

so boom the other day i get to his house and his dog is out so im like love bug please get the doggy

he’s taking the doggy and and the ho gets loose OHHHHHHH

y’all i was finna take tf off but i heard the voice of God say “don’t do that fool” so i was standing there buggin tf out

skippy happy ass frolicking around me and he talking about “babes he’s not gonna bit you”

GET THE FOCKIN DOG

he grabs the dog and takes him in so he’s like I got him come on...so I’m walking behind him and the MFKN DOG SLIPPED OUT ITS COLLAR

at this point i was about to call my daddy because your letting your dog attack me.

so he gets the dog FR THIS TIME but I’m nervous, shaking and shit so im like love bug may i have some water...this man brought me some watermelon water i was like okay this is earthy i like it

aside from the dog this man also tried to burn the room down (if you know me irl you know im SKED of fire)

he had his candle close to some incense and child shit just went A WHOOSH

me: “love bug i think it’s a fire”

we turn to mini fire fighters getting that ho out..and by we i mean he*

y’all won’t believe what happened the next morning...

THE FOCKIN DOG GOT OUT

lmfao that ho was not even giving af about me but the point is little ROCKY opened his on cage

*own
I was in shambles and he sitting there talking about “good morning babe”...
BOY FOCK YOU AND TOTO

y’all i love that boy dog (i still be nervous but that’s my baby)

he keep letting that bitch out on me

talking about he needs to be comfortable at home lmfaoooo BOYYYY

so updates...I’m on my way to frenzie house to catch up on the bs

i haven’t been round Des and Frenz all week so I’m ampeddd

so I’m laying in Frenz bed telling her and Des about number one and goes who fucking calls me....NUMBER ONE

he was letting me know he was home for a bit which translates to
‘come home’

so you know what i did...went TF home with my mans number one

y’all this man thought he was finna just open the house door for me

NAH BITCH!

walk to the car open door and get my bag per usual.

It took him one good look to get his shit together but it’s gathered

either way y’all this man went on the porch to smoke and ofc i took my happy ass out there...y’all that damn dog.

the dog was on the leash but i was scared cause the mf kept jumping on me

but i got that ho to calm down and me and boy see eye to eye now

so basically this update was to tell y’all i love dogs now.

update: no longer interested in men

men are ignorant and a waste

they act on impulse and i don’t understand it

i told this man he was a king and he nutted in me

BITCH.

i said you were ‘A’ King not MY KING

that’s what I’m talking about when i say niggas do too much.

update : *whispers cause i know somebody gonna judge me* BUT ITS ANOTHER UPDATE TO THE FUCKIN ROSTER

plan b princess

please welcome nigga no 5 to the roster

nigga no 5 and i go way backkkk

like that was my mans back in the day when I didn’t know what a man was.

hella chill
nice manners
has a kid
smokes *but not cigs so *
loves tf out ‘CEO’ Lala ()
lives in FL

y’all wouldn’t believe this mf almost got cussed tf out ALREADY.

Sir...you literally just got here.

so im checking my phone trying to catch up on everything...so im going to text number 5 and I realize he had text me......y’all this boy had the AUDACITY..............

“NIGGA NUMBER 5”.....

it was way too early for a full read but my response.

probably won’t hear from him anymore but who gives a rat ass.

trigger warning - the next few tweets will not be as lighthearted as our usual bs but i need to vent cause wtf

let me explain why that shit got me so livid

first of all im a WOMAN this is MY body, if I want to let someone shit in my eye lemme do that.

secondly i dead ass don’t even be out here fucking, but this is why women don’t talk about sex or about talking to multiple men openingly...

You say do FOCKIN thing and now niggas wanna make you the poster girl for http://hotpussypoppers.org 

irl i deal with sexual trauma so before i even have sex with someone i have to have THE TALK with them...

i hate having the talk because now i have to recount details, talk about triggers and let someone into the darkest part of my life

that shit within itself is traumatic.

ladies please fuck as much or as little as you want fuck on the first night or make em wait 90 days wrap it up or raw dog that nigga get tested regularly and require your partner(s) to do the same

pop that pussy in peace

queens say it with me
“MY BODY MY CHOICE”

and back to our regularly scheduled program my men are up...let me go speak some positivity over their days.

im getting boreddddddddd baby bring no.3 back ASAP.

lmfao i meant number 2***

y’all im soooo over these niggas LMFAO Lord either update the roster or send me my husband.

Lmfaoooo i asked for toxic and it came tf back y’all my baby no 2 is back

nigga no 5 just told me im toxic LMFAOOOO

lmfaoooo omg ni hes RANDOMLY talking about how he thinks about eating my ass

and nah whores i ainn neva did nothing with this man...lala just goated it’s factuals

lmfao he back track on errrrr thing he say whenever i oppose and it’s really the funniest shit eva ta me

that’s one “just kidding” ass nigga

ima need you to say that shit wit ya chest causee my mean ass ainn gon let up off NOTHINGG

while im here though....
updates

nigga no. 1 | should’ve left him tf alone, he gets a mad asl when im busy or unavailable like he dead ass think im pose to come running when he call...nah bitch I got other hos to be with

nigga no. 2| my little peace of toxic heaven dats my ho

nigga no. 3 | he cut me off but still be banging my line on that baby shit

ainn no nigga done with me until im done with him and that’s factuals

nigga no. 4| this man genuinely wanna be with me and i really hate the fact that if i get with him ima cheat cause you know i miss my grandma

nigga no 5| he really don’t need an update cause...i just told y’all.

but guess tf what

*ahemnn* we have nigga no. 6 and 7

nigga no.6 | is not a nigga but he’s a brownnnn boy so i will call him brownie

*brownie no 6.|
23
no kids
got dat guap

ima have to get that bread, get that bread and leaveee.

but he’s really sweet like tooooo sweet im not one of them dumb ass girls who don’t like mfs cause their too nice BUT HES SOFT and you can’t be soft with me cause lmfaoooooooo bitch it’s me

nigga no. 7 | im really finna post this man cause he so MOTHAFAWKIN fine

24
fine
he has a child, per usual
fine
sweet asl
fine
and of course...fineee

all finenessosicty aside y’all this mf has the same birthday as me and he sooooo nice, like he say the same shit I say...

so im trying to figure out BITCH HAVE I MET ME lmfaoooo y’all ion know how to feel

i just went back and read our messages and i think the mf might be a lil behind

nice illiterate blasphemous lies from a mother fucking 3.27 aries

this shall be fun

how you gonna say you’ll do anything for me and you ainn bought me a car yet.

but i know the mf care about me it’s really our second time talking...told y’all ainn no nigga done with me until im done with them

we’re supposed to go on a ‘date’ next week we gon fucking see cause we some lying mfs...by we i mean me cause i will cancel social plans in a heartbeat

pinned all my boyfriends may the best one win

i love this new update

to all my loves pls don’t ask which number you are unless you’re ready for the truth ion like to hurt y’all

handle me
who gone handle me

i got two more boyfriends today

BITCHES. let me tell y’all what tf has happened!

I took my shenanigans to Facebook trying to be a FOCKING FB COMEDIAN and the shit back fired sooooo bad.

so before we get into this quick lil tea spill let me start off by saying IF 7 still fwm after this I’m cutting ALL MY HOES OFF for him.

yes he just got readded to the team like two weeks ago (BAREELLYY) but we were talking before for a while so it was like picking up where we left off, but this time it’s WAY BETTER

so last night were on ft and we were having transparent moments so i decided to be transparent about my list of niggas

LMFAOOO I had no idea this man was gonna react like that.

“I tell all my boyfriends about one another cause what tf they gonna do”

Ohh the answer is NUT TF UP. Most of them nod and smile cause they some whoress but literally watch the joy leave this mans body when i said “and you’re number 7”

LMFAO WHO TF SAID HONESTY WAS THE BEST POLICY???

He made the statement “Well let me go get some hoes cause I cut everybody off after day 3 of us texting again”

he just kept repeating “baby, so im just one of your hoes” “like you fr”

i know niggas be lying but when i say i was watching the joy leave this man soul I’m telling you he looked soo sad

so im trying to make it better “baby i don’t even call y’all my hoes, y’all really my boyfriends”

“look baby you the only one with an emoji”

LMFAOOO y’all I was cracking under pressure, digging the hole deeper and deeper.

I told him basically, single is what single does and that’s why I text multiple niggas/brownie...and we had a talk about moving forward and cutting ppl off the deeper we get.

we stayed up all night on ft and when i finally went to sleep he starts with the sweet shit...and confirming that we’re still on for our date next week

thennnnn he went to my FB and saw all my bs and im not gonna post what he text me because he was being open and vulnerable asl but y’all...I FEEL LIKE AN ASS.

lmfaoooo y’all this how bad I felt i went to explaining shit and breaking down EERRRTANG.

yeah ho im soft i know it, i know it

but you know what bitches

me and him are back on the same page

niggas 1-5, brownie 6 , niggas 8-9

whewweww shitttt yall boys we had us some fun times...but I gotta do what i gotta do...a real nigga at my door and a bitch gotta answer.

ps. if this motherfucker play me ima call all y’all crying saying “Baby I should’ve picked youuu”

so here’s to me clearing my hoes even them though im single

IM KILL THIS MAN IF HE DONT MARRY ME TOMORROW CAUSE WTF

finna pick all my hoes back up cause

update: so nigga no.7 asked me to drop all of my hoes and i did (to a certain extent) but since then the communication has been poo

the mf sleep all day and stay up playing 2k all night and you know i run on ceo hours so im really not vibing with it

we’re supposed to go on a ‘date’ today at 2pm...mind you this nigga never rises before 3pm.

if he oversleeps he’s cancelled it’s simple.

how can you ask me to cut off everyone and you not ready lmfaooooo niggas wanna have you but can’t do the bare minimum to keep you.

but if all goes well today (my senses telling me it ainn) than i owe him an apology and i MIGHT drop my hoes

but since we not there yet...let me tell y’all about nigga number 9

okay so yesterday i finally gave in and pulled up on him... he was like let’s chill and smoke.

okay period that’s my type of thing.

so we’re going to his plug and we get lost...if you ever rode anywhere with me you know that you will never know if I’m lost.

I just be exploring the city I’ll find my way back eventually

so he’s chill joking on me being lost etc etc all fun and games until we get to the plug house.

we get there and this man comes back out with one gram.

one gram.

one.

lmfaooo i had sent him in with my money for my 3.5 cause that’s not gonna work.

he rolled one blizzy for us , i rolled three

from that alone i know we not gonna work.

dont offer to match with me unless you have AT LEAST 2gs

dont offer to smoke me out unless you have AT LEAST a 3.5

this is literally the bare minimum.

soo obviously nigga number 7 texted me at 7:46am saying we may have to reschedule (didn’t see the message until now) but yeah anyway he cancelled.

so i could went to cancel this man respectfully and he got my ass all the way together...”you don’t even have faith in love, you gotta shift your energy”

so im shifting the energy...
he’s getting a second chance...
it expires at 8pm.

lol alright bitchessssssss

so after a day full of bullshit and back and forthness...we linked lastnight

i observed way more than i wanted to so im questioning a few things but overall it was fun...im most definitely the one with the personality but that’s always.

he told me in his former life he was a hoe like MAJOR but he seems to have calm down

if not i don’t mind beating his ass it’ll be alright

idk how i really feel about this motherfucker...i say like 4 different sides of him last night and I really wanna know if it’s something wrong with him

okay bitchhhhhh.

so at this point im finna put this man whole name in a tweet cause I’ve had it with the BITCH

he cries about me having ‘niggas’

i cut them off

he says ‘yeen gotta do that’

i *ACT* like i have them still

he cries, he tells me he wants me

i tell him, vice versa

he tells me im not ready

...bitch.

you tryna play me like im a regular hot girl...NO NIGGA MY UNCLE IS FUTURE.

i get this shit from my lil brother stank...bitch i will dog tf outta you.

ion ask fa much but i give everything and then some...and it’s crazy asl i still can’t get the lil shit i ask fa

why y’all bitch ass niggas just can’t leave me tf alone ni i gotta text all these niggas back and tell them i was tripping

it’s BIG LALA them niggas gonna push me or we getting a whole new roster, period