In January 2018 I began training as a Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist with NEAPP, on a course accredited by the BPC. I began an infant observation and was required to be in personal therapy x3 a week. I had to choose a therapist from a list of approved therapists and personal 1/

therapy was module 1 of the course. Quite soon into therapy I began to experience problems with my therapist and tried to raise these with him, unsuccessfully. By August 2018 I had raised concerns with my tutor and by December 2018 I left therapy due to it becoming abusive. 2/

I told NEAPP I wanted to complain about my therapist and I sent them a letter detailing all 11 complaints, which they rejected and said I had to take to the BPC. I questioned how this was ok when they had provided the therapist and that it was also module one of their 3/

training. After much communication it became apparent that they would not support me with the complaint about my therapist but would allow him to continue to see other students, to supervise and also teach on the program. I also later found out he was also one of the 4/

course directors. Throughout this process I was first told that I'd have to remain in therapy with him or to leave the course. Then after discussion with my tutor (who was supportive) she managed to get them to agree to me leaving my therapy a few weeks before 5/

the first year would end in January 2019 and for me to be allowed to complete the first year and finish the infant obvs for those few weeks without being in therapy. However, I was told I would then need to find a new therapist and be in therapy with them for a year and 6/

re-interview to get back onto the course. I finished my infant obvs, because I didn't want to abandon the family I had been working with, and I then left the course. NEAPP still refused to deal with my complaint about my therapist, and they returned my course fees 7/

with a very short letter stating that they were happy to refund as I was unhappy with the course but that they accepted no liability. In May 2019 I submitted a complaint about my therapist to the BPC. This process lasted a year. Firstly they told me that they wouldn't deal 8/

with any complaint about NEAPP as all complaints about training orgs had to be conducted internally. I questioned how this was considering they accredited NEAPP, plus the fact that NEAPP told me they didn't even have a complaints policy. Still they insisted. So I then had to 9/

write my complaint and the first thing I had to do was say how I thought my therapist had broken the ethical framework. This was difficult for me as a therapist to do, so I can only imagine how hard it is for someone who doesn't have existing knowledge of ethical frameworks. 10/

What followed was deeply traumatic. I was basically sent my therapists replies to my complaint to my home. He also had to be asked, more than once, to actually answer the complaint as he kept failing to do so. Even when the complaint ended he had still failed to answer all 11/

points. His responses were insensitive, blaming and hurtful, pretty much a mirror of how therapy had been. In my complaint I raised issues such as how he told me confidential information about other students which harmed my relationship with them, said derogatory things about 12/

my ex therapist and women in general, making comments such as 'mutton dressed as lamb'. etc., how he shouted and swore at me, and made inappropriate comments such as ‘not many men would find it difficult to fall in love with you,’ and how he encouraged me to contact him 13/

outside of sessions. I raised 11 complaints but don't feel I can mention the rest here as they could potential harm other people. Whenever I tried to raise these with him he would say it was all transference, that I take things out of context and that I don’t hear things 14/

how they are meant because of my past, which is both gaslighting and untrue. This whole process was deeply traumatic and I also found myself needing to point out to BPC their mistakes in their own process also, for which they admitted and apologised for. 15/

In May 2020 I found out that my complaint had been upheld. However, my ex therapist was only asked to attend ten hours of extra support which was voluntary and received a written warning. Furthermore, BPC do not publish this anywhere so no one would ever know. Also, what is 16/

worrying is that BPC do not tell NEAPP about this, although he still sees their students, teaches, etc, because NEAPP isn't his member institution, and they only inform his MI. So, I decided to let NEAPP know myself. In May 2020 I wrote them a letter to say that the complaint 17/

they dismissed had been upheld, that I expected them to look into it and that I expected an apology. In June 2020 I was told that the NEAPP committee had met and had began to write a complaints policy. Then on June 18th 2020 they told me that they had instructed a panel to 18/

deal with this and would be in touch soon. I am yet to hear back. I will give them extra time as I am aware of how difficult things are right now for everyone. So, where does this leave me? In all honesty, this whole experience made me so ill for such a long period of time. 19/

From Dec 2018 I was unable to work, I walked out and never went back, losing my entire income. I exp debilitating anxiety and depression and it was only CTUK @UK_Counsellors that kept me a part of the world. I gained 2 stones, was always at the GP who was brilliant and wanted 20/

to see me every 2-4 as she knew I was suicidal, and I experienced health conditions which involved invasive procedures due to stress. Thankfully I am coming out of the other side of this now and I finally feel like I am getting my life back on track. But it's been a long 21/

2.5 years! And I guess I am sharing this in case it helps anyone else, but also because I am sick of seeing the abuse that happens in the counselling and psychotherapy profession and therapists being scared to speak out (most understandably so), and it continuing, not only 22/

from therapists, but also from training organisations and membership bodies. I should add that both NEAPP and BPC have suggested to me on almost every piece of correspondence they have sent me that I should keep this confidential. However, both the @prof_standards and my 23/

solicitor have assured me that I don't need to. I can indeed speak as freely about this as I wish, and I intend to do so, because silencing is also a form of bullying, and I refuse to bullied by any of these people anymore. Despite this whole experience I consider myself to 24/

be lucky as I had several very supportive people around me... good friends, a new therapist, and even a couple of members of NEAPP who were deeply concerned by it all. The other thing which helped was when the BPC panel mentioned in their final letter in which I was told my 25/

complaint had been upheld that basically they acknowledged that he did not address all the allegations, that serious breaches had occurred and that much of it was due to his own counter-transference and that they too were concerned by his lack of sensitivity. This felt 26/

validating, especially when he had continuously tried to suggest it was all me and transference. Right now, I look forward to getting back to work, getting my health back on track, losing these two stones I gained and finding myself again. I wouldn't wish this on my worst 27/

enemy, and if you too are experiencing something similar then my inbox is open and I am happy to chat. No one should deal with this kind of thing alone. If you got this far, thank you for reading :-)