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sometimes it blows my mind that lwj was in his young twenties and fought in a major war, had to deal with so much fighting and death and despair, all while being in love with someone who only ended up dying in the end too
just. lwj who probably sought solace in thinking about his wei ying :(( his wei ying who probably didn’t love him like that in return but who still clearly cared for him at least somewhat,, and honestly that was enough for lwj. knowing that wwx still cared for him as a friend
lwj being in the middle of a war and having to see so much blood and death and sadness, going to bed at nine on the dot and falling asleep thinking of the boy he loves because he’s the only bright light in his world right now, one of the only things keeping him grounded, happy
it’s a nice escape, daydreaming of living a life with his soulmate, his first love, his wei ying, to momentarily forget the horrors of war. to pretend, just for a moment, that’s he’s only a young man in love and not a warrior who has to go out and fight battles
and then wwx dies and for a while lwj...doesn’t quite know what he’s living for. he no longer has an escape, no longer has pretty daydreams and lovely thoughts.. everything is just. Gone.
of course, soon enough, he realizes he’s still meant for this world. he is destined to aid the weak and the misunderstood, to become the true bearer of light, to go where the trouble lies. to become a father, to raise his son into a good person.
and he will remember his wei ying. he will not remember him as the entire cultivation world remembers him (as evil, corrupt, disgusting) but instead as bright. a loving boy with a passionate heart and intelligent brain, the person lwj is still in love with,, always.
and when wwx returns to him, in a different body but with the most brilliant, recognizable soul, lwj no longer has to imagine a life of happiness with him. because it’s become his reality. marrying the man he loves and continuing to raise their son together.
lwj is in his thirties now and there is no longer a war. he is with his husband, his wei ying, and every day is like the most beautiful dream. sometimes he can’t believe it’s real; waking up to his soulmate in bed beside him, being able to kiss him awake for breakfast
but it /is/ real. lwj has found peace after so many years. and yeah sometimes it’s rough, both him and wwx remembering things far too dark to ever be able to forget, but they have each other. finally. and lwj loves the life he lives and loves the man he shares it with.
