I want to tell you a little bit about the trauma of parole, because I’m struggling right now, and a problem shared, and all that...and also I hope it might help you understand why so many of us feel like parole is just open air prison...

Every single week I present at the office for my meeting (grilling) with an agent of the carceral state

Almost every week I am submitted to humiliating drug (and sometimes alcohol) testing, despite never having ever taken drugs, nor have I ever had a sip of any alcohol (I know right, but all us blak fullas are on the charge, yeah? )

Each week I am grilled about not just my activities, but anything I intend to do (yes they surveil, control and monitor thoughts and aspirations). I have learnt to share nothing: zero, zippo,zilch....

especially nothing good that I am doing-no opportunity that has presented itself and definitely no accolade I may have received...because every single time that you do, it is taken from you in the most violent way...and if they don’t snatch it from you right away

they put conditions in place that prevent you being able to partake in those opportunities...

and mostly you are made to feel as though you are doing something wrong, you second guess yourself and your intentions...starting to believe you are the deviant they imagine

And that’s the worst part...the gaslighting.
It comes in a few ways...
If you cry when they threaten to breach you and put you back inside despite not having actually done a thing wrong...they suggest you have a mental problem and need psychiatric help (because apparently crying

is not a natural or acceptable response to harassment and violent behaviour.)

If you speak back or speak up, even as respectfully as you can muster, they say “I hope you aren’t implying we are picking on you”

If you get exasperated & tell them they have no idea what it’s like to be blak in the system, they’ll tell you “oh I do, I did Aboriginal studies” & when that makes you burst out laughing, they’ll defend themselves to say “no, seriously, I learnt all about the Stolen Generations”

And if you look at them sideways, to suggest that they are not doing their job well, they’ll tell you “you need to understand my job is about managing risk”

And then something inside you fires and so you growl back, “no your job is to manage humans and your doing a woeful job at it”

And that is my every single week. My every week for three long damned years to come.

Now I’m not saying I deserve mercy for my “crime”, but I do deserve humanity, care and love beyond who they think they need me to be. I deserve safety and I shouldn’t be forced into submission by force and under the threat of re-incarceration (which for some of us can mean death)

This system is designed to erase us, in a metaphorical and literal sense. Surviving in it is exhausting and an every second of every single day struggle...and this is why I am sharing all of this information each week.

I’m putting my liberty on the line in the hope that you will start to see this system for what it is and join us in abolishing the Prison Industrial Complex, brick by brick.