If you are friends with people who are still actively friends with your abuser, I want you to know that your abuse still happened to you and that your abuser is still an abuser, no matter who they befriend or who speaks of them highly.

Let’s take this conversation a step further to add that someone who has shown abusive behavior and been toxic to you can definitely coincide.

Abusers are toxic. But not all toxic people are abusers.

And at the end of the day, you are still valid in being a victim of abuse. Whether your friends know what happened or don’t know what happened.

Your story is yours to tell and it will never stop being valid based on friends who may or may not have the vicinities to side with you.

Not everyone will be able to take a stance with you and not everyone needs to be convinced that you have been abused by someone they like.

I’ve been in situations where one of my abusers was lauded and praised in front of many of my peers, both virtually and in person. The worst time was when this particular person was hailed and praised by my mentors to be a good person and spoken highly of in front of me.

These people had no way of knowing that I had suffered abuse from this individual because I hadn’t outright told them, but it didn’t make it hurt any less.

I gaslit myself into thinking that I was being dramatic just for that instance. Maybe because people I loved loved my abuser I was wrong to demonize them. Maybe because people I looked up to were speaking so highly of my abuser, I hadn’t been abused at all.

That was not, is not, never was, and never will be the case.

You will have moments of grief, anger, anxiety, distrust, denial, bargaining, and many mixed emotions when you see people do things like this. It’s a different story when your friends are the ones doing the praising.

Don’t give up on your genuine friends. Acknowledge that just because your friends are friends with your abuser or speak of them in a positive way doesn’t mean that they can’t or don’t care about you. Set boundaries in a way you feel safe in setting them.

Remember that your feelings and emotions are valid and do what it is you need to do to process your feelings.

Try not to place the feelings you have towards your abuser onto your friends. That helps no one.

If you ever need to talk about what happened to you, I offer myself as a space for you to discuss anything you’d like.

We are survivors and we are strong and we can accomplish anything.