// dysphoric thoughts or whatever

fuck dude. i really want to die. i really wish i was cis. like really. i dont even mind worrying about stuff like dysphoria sometimes but i just think about how different everything about me is from a cis woman and i get really sad thinking abt

how i will never be like them and most people wont accept me as a woman and i'll forever have to risk being tied to my deadname and its just so depressing so i want to cry and i remember testosterone fucks up my tear ducts so i feel even fucking worse

thinking about how that wouldnt happen if i was just born cis and it all makes me so sad. dont even get me started on the rest of my body. i absolutely hate it. everything about it. i hate everything. i hate this shit. i just wish i could die and maybe be reborn luckier.

it doesnt even matter to me that i'll just get puberty blockers and then hrt or whatever. what matters to me so much is that i'll forever have radically different experiences from cis women. i wanna fucking k¡ll myself so often but im so used to completely looking past that

why do i even bother making this thread. im just worrying people more and more like this. i know nothing will be able to help, just absolutely nothing ever. so why even bother? why bother with anything actually. im just gonna be seen as a man forever. i dont want that.

this shit is why i tweeted that i wanted to block cis people earlier. its not even because "cisphobia funny laugh lol!!!!" its just because i feel so fucking violently jealous of them for being fucking luckier than me in so many fucking ways

and dont even realize and even have the fucking guts to tell ME that their situation is any similar to mine